Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Concern for mom dad
- This topic has 10 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 10 months ago by @Jasmine-3.
July 12, 2014 at 7:20 am #60686
I need suggestion/opinions from you all, it’s about my mom n dad who are not so compatible at 65 years of age.
They are a couple and they have to depend on each other, but my dad is not so supporting. He does what he feels like, doesn’t consider and understand what other person needs or likes.
This makes my mom freak at a point as she has beared many people in her life including my dad. My brother is short-tempered too, and other family problems adds anger to small situations.
Once brother gets done with his court case, things would settle a bit. But dad is a person who just doesn’t understand. He has got hearing problem but doesn’t wanna go for hearing aid. It adds so much trouble for everyone during the day. The list is endless, in short, dad has never taken for a movie nor a gift in 30 years of marriage. And now, when he shouts at mom and dominates her, I can’t take it and freaks me out.
I get bi-polar thoughts on how to handle him, shout at him or write a letter which would involve emotions for him to understand better.
I also feel, that respect is earned and can’t be forced, so mom needs to change her responses towards dad.
Please share your views.
Love you all…July 12, 2014 at 7:58 am #60690
My Dear Anyone
You are back to square one again, eh ? Hey, can you leave your parents alone, pls ? It doesn’t matter what you think is right for your mother or father. What matters is that they are both happy with each other. Why don’t you go and ask your mother if she is unhappy with dad ? If she was, she would have left him ages ago even if the circumstances didn’t permit so due to different cultures or what so ever.
Sometimes, we get so carried away with what is important for us that we forget that others have their own lives to live. Remember, we cant change anyone else or show them the right path. Everyone is doing the best in their own capacities. If your parents have lived together for the last 30 years (even if the relationship is not compatible), something must be working for them. Appreciate that.
Your concern is very well and nice. What they need is your ongoing unconditional love and support. They don’t need you tell them how to lead their lives. Accept them for who they are. Live and let live.
Lots of love to you as well.
JasmineJuly 12, 2014 at 12:21 pm #60728
Thanks for responding Jas:-)…
Yeah, when you say back to square one as in I’m again worried about something I shouldn’t be? Well, I don’t know if it happens with other women too, but often I find myself being worried or tensed about some or the other thing. That’s how I have always been:-)
About mom, I kind of know she won’t change at this stage and it’s not right for me to try to change her, but I would like to show her a way to suffer less… More because what I have had n suffered, I want to help her to come out of it. Then it’s her choice!
By the way, how do you know it’s night here:-) <-3July 12, 2014 at 7:20 pm #60738
I was planning to go to bed and thats why I wrote GN, lol
Hey, I understand you want to reduce your mother’s suffering. But how do you know she is suffering ? This is the main issue and what I am trying to say is that we are all trying to alter everyone else’s life scripts based on our own needs and expectations. You may have suffered and learnt your lessons. Good for you. How do you know mom needs to learn from your lessons ? Why do we impose our likes and dislikes on our loved ones ? Can we let everyone play out their own role in life ?
We cant take away other people’s suffering. We can be there for them while they suffer and provide unconditional support so that the suffering doesnt seem as bad.
Perhaps, you can ask mom to do more charity such as feeding the needy. By providing food donations, we get a lot of heart felt blessings, which can bring heaps of positivity into everyone’s lives.
You can offer daily prayers for your loved ones. Prayers never go to waste 🙂
What else is new in your world ? We are moving forward, yeah ?
JasJuly 14, 2014 at 2:12 am #60814
This week mom dad are at my place, so enjoying their company and trying to make their stay as best as possible..:-)
Apart from this, I’m looking forward for a companionship, but I’m kinda scared n skeptical somewhere. On one hand, I’m a person who belives in commitment and now it’s like, I don’t want to look forward to any commitment and just start knowing a person casually and will see if things go well gradually. Also, in India it’a a taboo to date someone without commitment, which can bring bad name/reputation. So frankly, I don’t know which direction to take, but certainly I wanna go slow on all this since I have fumbled already..! I’m sure I wanna spend and share my life with someone sensible and understanding………..Let’s see…when n where I get to meet my man:-)
Aah, not to mention, I’m enjoying singlehood like never before… Workout, office friends, colleagues, work, my space at home, food, tv, etc. are keeping me engaged..
What’s up at your end? Would like to know more about you…July 14, 2014 at 4:21 am #60819
Wow. Parents staying at your place. You must be having such a gala time 🙂
Hey, why are you worrying about commitment? Once bitten, twice shy, eh ?
When a commitment is meant to happen, it will happen, I am sure. Until then, enjoy every interaction without any expectations or judgments. You will be surprised that how easy it is to find a compatible partner when we drop our judgments / prejudices at the door. Every friendship, relationship, interaction etc becomes effortless. Don’t believe in my words as yet – try them out for yourself.
Whats new at my end ? I am going through a steep learning curve yet again. I was having a deep and meaningful with my hubby yesterday. I was telling him about the intriguing conversation that was taking place on one of the threads. The insights that he shared with me after that discussion were just amazing. I felt so blessed to have such a sensible bloke for a hubby. The lesson I learnt from the DNM was that sometimes, we women become so insecure about our own decisions and people in our lives because of the company we keep. The people that we ask for advice or help for our dilemmas have such a huge capacity to ruin our mental stability by planting just one seed of doubt….and this seed could make or a break a relationship.
I hope you can take something valuable from this as well and whenever you engage in the next relationship, you will not fall into the same trap again 🙂
More about me: 2 dogs, 1 husband and ME. Work and home obligations keep us busy but we make sure that every day is fun in some way. My dogs are so cheeky and yet so obedient. They are the most social and adaptable dogs you will come across. We sent them to doggy school early in their lives, which was a wise decision. We have made so many friends thanks to them. Life has always been a blessing at this end but lately, it has become sweeter. Not sure if it is the regular meditation, positive vibes from people or just pure luck. However, I am not complaining and am happy to continue in this state LOL
We have been to India couple of times for short holidays many years ago. I adore simple indian food and lately, I have been addicted to Dosa, Idli and Coconut Chutney. You are so lucky to be living in India with so many spiritual gurus, wisdom and traditions. We don’t have that sort of privilege down under. Although, I was not brought up in India, I have always been smitten by the country and its culture. It works for me somehow at a deeper level. Rome does the same 🙂 and I have no clue why.
One day, I will be there attending one of the spiritual retreats – hopefully sooniiiiiiish 🙂 The teachings do it for me and I have read the Gita and I love Krishna’s story.
Have a great evening and keep in touch.July 14, 2014 at 9:10 am #60834
Wow, pleased to know about you… My big hi to your dogs… I love them!!
I have to agree, I’m lucky to be in India.. Btw.. I’m a decent cook and love to cook for family and friends… N I live in the city of dosa and idli…(Banglore) just had a dosa in dinner…. Would love to invite you on your next visit to India..
N you know more than I do about Indian mythology.. I’m yet to read them…:-)
Life here is pretty fast, so much that when people get lost with the pace, we start exploring spiritualism !
Keep in touch… Lots of love to you… Stay blessed!<-3July 14, 2014 at 11:32 pm #60934
Thanks Anyone 🙂 Woof woof back from the dogs.July 23, 2014 at 7:25 am #61573
I had a great time with parents, I worked from home for 3 days and took leave for 3 days, all in all, full 8 days entirely with them 🙂
It was lovely to see that despite their fights or differences, they love each other so much. This time, I showered love on them in all ways without trying a bit to change them. Showed mom some informative videos and some comedy ones for her to laugh more… Took her for shopping. She loves to shop, so much that she repented to not have bought more 🙂 yeah, she’s cute!:-)
Thanks for your sound words 🙂 Muah..July 23, 2014 at 1:32 pm #61598rosamundiParticipant
Ahhhh! That’s so lovely! ‘Showering love’ is just wonderful. Nice work, both Jasmine and ‘Anyone’. 🙂July 24, 2014 at 1:04 am #61661
So glad to hear. See love does wonders. Live and let live and world will be a heaven hehehehe. Thanks for keepin in touch.