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Confused about his intentions

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 3 years ago by Inky.
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  • #170075
    Bianca
    Participant

    Hey there. I’m 24 years old and in a relationship with a man who’s 37. We first talked online for a while, almost a year or so. We decided to meet and it all went smoothly. We moved in together after 1 year. We had a long distance relationship for a while, because I have to finish my master’s degree. He met my parents, I met his, along with his friends and so on. There’s only one problem. He has an ex that he has a house with. She’s never worked a day in her life, so it’s difficult for her to take care of herself. Her mom helps her so she can pay for the house for a while. He found an apartment we both stay in, a rented place. He said that if his ex can’t pay anymore for the house, they’ll have to sell. In a way it sounds clear and I accept the fact that they have to talk about certain things. He leaves his phone around me and many times we talk about the things that go on. I understand it’s a difficult process, I also have to go back for a while to finish my last year of master’s.
    Last week he proposed me also to give me more strength in the year we’ll be away from each other. Even though we’ll visit each other in the meantime.
    I was very happy for a while, him and his ex stopped talking for about 2-3 weeks. But I saw that recently he sent her a message asking her if she’s alright and so on. I’m wondering if I’m not freaking for no reason.. Thank you

    #170121
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Bianca,

    Don’t get any more involved with this man until his ex is out of the house, the house is sold and he is no longer communicating with her. Three is a crowd, and you are stuck between the two of them. Not knowing, doubting, unsure. It’s too complicated and emotionally draining and you don’t need that. She may be his ex, but he is in some extent very involved with her. Wait until he has his affairs in order. Or this will drag out. Do you really want to marry a man, who has a ex at his house and communicating with her? You deserve better. Not to be on the back burner and “soothed” with a proposal.

    • This reply was modified 3 years ago by Eliana.
    #170125
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Bianca,

    It looks like, from what I’m reading here, he is genuinely in love with you and feels safe in his relationship with you otherwise I don’t think the proposal would have happened. It also looks like he is a caring person. Not to worry my friend.

    Pearce

    #170225
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Bianca,

    I respectfully disagree. You do have something to worry about. You were indeed soothed by a proposal. Let me put it this way: I doubt he would have tried proposing to a worldly wise forty year old while he still has a house with an ex. It’s too much. And not enough.

    Gently give him the ring back and tell him that you would be happy to accept the proposal once all his affairs are in order.

    They call this “Motivation”.

    Best,

    Inky

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