Wow, I’m not done studying this thread but I studied it enough to clearly see that my replies here were a few of my worst.

Not because I intended to harm, but because I was seeing- not Anonymous and her boyfriend at the time- but the child-me and my mother.

I was completely blind to Anonymous’s boyfriend’s abusive behavior simply because I unknowingly projected my child self into him, and I protected him from.. my mother projected into Anonymous.

And why did I do that? Because Anonymous was angry at him (although rightfully so) and her anger at him trigerred my Anger-Trauma: being the helpless victim of my mother’s repeating rage and unfounded accusations that I was not allowed to defend myself from.

Even though Anonymous was kind and gracious in her replies to me, the projection took hold and I couldn’t see beyond it.

Anonymous looked for help in regard to the situation with her boyfriend and I hijacked her thread and unknowingly made it about my unresolved trauma.

Wow. I am humbled 😔

No other thread makes it clearer to me how badly I sufferred from my mother’s RAGE and the devastating accusations she made against me, such that I wasn’t allowed to defend myself against, although I tried.

So, simply because Anonymous made (rightful) accusations against her then boyfriend, it trigerred me having been (unrightfully) accused as a child.

I will need to grieve and further heal from what I now call Anger Trauma. I will do so in one of my existing threads or in a new one.

I will now leave this thread alone and will not return unless by some miracle, Anonymous returns, or Lella, or anyone else.

👋🌿✨️ Anita

My goodness, Lella!!!! Miracles do happen!!!!!! I’m besides myself from excitement.

Calling me “my fellow human sister!” and “Love you girl”- Love you back girl, fellow human sister, thank you so much.

I’ll write more in the morning (late Thursday night here).

Dear Lella, The Universe’s Post Girl 👏`

A tiny buddha tiny miracle indeed, yet not at all tiny 🙂

The kindness and gentleness in your words, the permission to grow in spite of past mistakes and misdeeds is- if I stay at the emotional level- still new and even uncomfortable for the wounded- child within me who doesn’t trust kindness to last, who expects it to turn into abuse at any time.

As a result of this thread and you returning to it after all this time, over 2.5 years, the child within me is less of a stranger to me. I feel her rather than continue to suppress her.

You are a not-so-tiny miracle of my healing 🙏🙏🙏

I realize the huge difference between cognitive-healing and emotional-healing: the first is interesting (analyzing, seeing the patterns, connecting the dots), the second is transforming.

It still amazes me how back in 2023, I didn’t even see Anonymous’s boyfriend’s abusive behaviors, like scolding her for a whole hour, mocking her, etc. Didn’t see it because my wounded child was doing the talking, saying something like: Anonymous (my mother) is angry at her boyfriend (at me) I must protect him from her (please protect me from her).

I didn’t hear her although she tried hard to be heard.

Thank you so much, Lella. You are a force for good (a Star Wars saying). The forums here have been very slow for a long time and I wish it gets busier. I do wish to read from you again and again. I would love to know more about you 🙏

✨️🌿✨️ Anita