Hi Priyanka,

I too have met many men on Facebook and Google plus, another social media site. Some have lived in United States, others have lived in Iraq, Egypt, India, Turkey, etc. It has never worked out. Long distance relationships, especially online are extremely draining and complicated. It starts off great at first, almost too good to be true, but about three to six months later it fizzles out. I live in Ohio, and most certainly a man is not going to move me overseas to Iraq, or Texas, or pack up and leave his family or children (if he has any) to move closer to you.

Many of these men, are usually not who they say they are. They come off very sincere and convincing, like you are the “most beautiful girl in the world” or their long lost “soul mate” but it’s all just to “woo you”. Many of these men are Catphishing or Scammers (411 Nigerian Scam) that has been on the news alot. You can Google it if you want or go to romancescammers dot com. For more information. Many of these man will lie and say they are “single” when they are married. Or they may be cheating. You just never know.

Best to meet a man on a reputable dating site like match that has been around for decades. My friends have found their spouses on these sites. Or find someone through a shared hobby or interest, church, etc. Best to meet someone locally then social media.

Dear Priyanka:

Reads to me that you should move on. He was very clear with you: “nothing more can happen between us, we don’t have any future together”. The fact that he still contacted you does not contradict his very clear assertion I quoted above.

You wrote that you are “suffering from an unbearable pain. I am unable to accept that he broke all his promises. All my dreams r not going to get fulfil.” not your dreams with him, but dreaming of love, these can still be fulfilled in the future.

I hope you endure your pain, accept the ending of this relationship, rest and move on to a better future.

anita

Hi Priyanka,

So sorry you are going through this.  I agree with Anita and others, but specifically about what Anita mentioned about about what you feel about all your dreams will never be fulfilled.  Your dreams can still be fulfilled.  Your life isn’t over simply because your relationship ended.  Many of us have  several relationships and relationship blunders in our lives,  and still experience fulfillment, purpose and success in life.  One bad relationship apple does not stop our lives unless we allow it to.  If you feel that your dreams will “never” be fulfilled because you no longer have someone in your life who means you no good, it may be because you may not be accepting responsibility for your own happiness.  It is a lot of pressure on any human being, even the not-so-good ones, to be responsible for the continued happiness, fulfillment and purpose of another person.  No one person or man can be our everything.  That’s a job for God, and even then, we need are responsible for our choices and decisions.

Although it is painful, it will be important for your wellbeing to let your ex go completely.  It is not his decision whether he can be your friend or not.  That’s your decision.  And, I believe your interaction with him while in pain is making it worse for you.  Don’t continue to entertain him or follow his lead.  Ending relationships is very painful, but it is more painful for you, I believe, for the following reasons:

(1) Expecting him to be your savior, change your life, make you happy, give you purpose, and fulfillment.  This kind of dependent relationship seldom works because it is very one-sided in that you have one person (the boyfriend) taking on the full responsibility for your life.  It’s your life and you must take the lead in making those things happen. What the RIGHT boyfriend in your life can do is enhance or make better what you already have in your life and who you are.  But he doesn’t bring who you are with him into the relationship. He doesn’t bring your happiness and fulfillment. Those are things that each person is responsible for developing in his or her own life.

(2) Personal or emotional brokenness, poor self esteem and personal worth.  This simply means that there may be areas in your life that have been hurt or damaged and have not been repaired so that you can be restored and made whole.  A good counselor can help you to deal with any broken areas of our life and any areas where you may have poor self esteem or self worth and value.  When we value ourselves, we won’t allow anyone to place us on sale as if we are not important or valuable, or continue to allow others to victimize, manipulate and misuse us.

(3) Total trust and dependence on someone you care for but don’t know well enough.  Don’t ever completely trust anyone that you meet online or elsewhere with your life.  You life  is important.  Too important to trust with anyone whom you don’t have a track record with and simply don’t know well.  Don’t give our life away so quickly.  You trusted this man with your entire life after only knowing him a few months and meeting him just once.  So now you feel as if he broke his promises to take responsibility for all of your life, and that was never his promise to make or yours to relinquish.  The internet has a way of giving people the illusion that they are closer and more familiar with a person than they really are.  Internet relationships particularly require a lot of extra diligence, as you know, because you don’t have the benefit of face-to-face interactions. And both people have to be willing to to do this hard relationship work.

(4) Unwillingness to accept the truth and to let go.  Facing the truth can be very painful but it’s the path that leads you through the pain.  When he says there can be nothing more to your relationship, believe him and move forward to do what is best for you.  There is someone better for you, but take care of yourself first, and begin to work on your own personal happiness.

(5) Continuing to allow contact and interaction with ex-boyfriend.   It will save you much pain if you:  Take control of this and stop talking to him.  If he doesn’t want to be with you,  and you are still working through the pain of the breakup, then you are not ready to be his friend.  And talking to him, texting etc. will keep your hurt fresh every day, never allowing the wound to heal.   Simply because he has moved on and feels ready to be “just friends” doesn’t mean that you are ready to be his friend or that you should be his friend.  Sometimes “just being friends” is only a way to keep you as a backup and to string you along, and prevent a good man from coming into your life.  So you have to take steps not to have interactions with him.  Why would you want him at this point?  De-friend him on Facebook; BLOCK his phone number on your phone; and BLOCK and DELETE his email address. Do Not answer his phone calls or return text messages. Continuing to have contact with a man whose behavior is still causing you pain will continue to cause you pain.

Finally, I’m so sorry you are going through this. However, this really isn’t as much about what your ex-boyfriend has done or promises he’s broken; it’s about you and how you see yourself and your life as an individual – whether he’s in your life or not. So I would encourage you to be kind to yourself; love yourself, and focus on doing those things that bring you joy and happiness without your ex.  Spend time with your friends in your town and get to know them better.  Don’t let this guy ruin your life and your future.  You may not see or feel like it now, but trust me, there are other male fish out there who are waiting for the person that you are.   Have a massage or take a mini vacation to get away for a while.  Be good to yourself. The pain will pass but it will linger if you don’t do something to help yourself feel better and to move forward.

You are welcome, Priyanka. Post again anytime you’d like, share how you are feeling.

anita