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Conquering Ego

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 week, 3 days ago.

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  • #325741

    Kaylen
    Participant

    The past year has been transformative for me. I have been more honest with myself and being practicing being my best self no matter what is going on. Recently, I had a breakthrough about patience and how I should handle myself in difficult situations. I realized that I should be grateful for everything. This in turn has allowed me to love and cherish myself even more. However, there are always traps that attempt to throw me off of my path. Today I had a big ego.

    I am a college student back from thanksgiving break and had class today. I decided not to dress like my mood but to dress up for class, which in turn boosted my confidence. However, throughout the day little thoughts would pop in my head. Of the way I looked, the way I walked, how my cardigan looked better than the jacket someone else was wearing, how my hair added to the aesthetic of the outfit. I by no means want to continue feeling like this, my ego tends to come up out of the blue.

    I was reading a blog by Iyanla Vanzant and she was able to break down what ego was. Ego gives us a sense of safety and security. But how do I find safety and security without taking someone apart in my head? I do i master my ego? How do project love and acceptance expect ego?

     

    #325783

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Kaylen,

    I think you’re thinking too much. It’s nice to look nice, but it’s nice to be nice. You already  know this.

    What I do is have casual outfits, nice outfits and OMG outfits. It sounds like you wore a nice outfit in a casual setting. Of course it gave you the feeling of being more with it and better than your peers. Outfit wise, you were.

    Once you figure out your day to day in terms of safety and security, you will hardly think of the ego.

    Best,

    Inky

    #325849

    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Kaylen,

    Your story reminded me of the ‘don’t think about the pink Elephant’ thought exercise that proved trying to suppress your thoughts doesn’t work. Zen, meditation, mindfulness teaches the same lesson. The harder we not think a thought the more likely such thoughts will persist.

    Meditation we practice observing our thoughts without attaching to them. We notice that the mind is full of thoughts, that’s its job. We also notice that its when we attach ourselves (ego) to a thought that thoughts create more thoughts….

    When we first learn to meditate, we might think that the goal is to have no thoughts and so we try to force the mind to be quiet. But that never works.  Allowing the mind to be the mind we learn to detach our sense of self from the mind allowing the thought to flow. (unless we chose to fallow a thought to see where it might lead)

    Ego gives us a sense of safety and security

    I’m not sure I fully agree with that definition of ego as I might argue that when we are overly attached to our ego its usually because we do not feel secure.  But perhaps that semantics as to overcome that sense of insecurity the ego will try to prop itself up to feel safe.  For example, observe others negatively so that we might view ourselves as being better then them.

    Jung once made a comment that it takes a strong healthy ego (sense of Self) to let go of ego (detach from ego as the defining sense of self). Thus, we see that if we start a practice or enter into therapy we dig deep into our past the purpose being that the better we know ourselves the less likely we will be to repeat the past but something else also happens, we begin to notice that the we are not our past, or our thoughts, or our emotions… we are not our ego.  The ego is the bridge of which we communicate experiences to our self and others. (Notice how difficult it is communicate experience without reference to a ‘I’. When we attach our sense of self to the ‘I’ we are more likely to mistake the map for the territory and tell ourselves I am that.)

    The goal is not to vanquish the ego but to detach the sense of self from the ego, allowing it to be what it is and play it’s part.  The tricky part is not allowing this idea of detachment to become indifference.  The goal is to be detached and engaged with life as it shows up.

    Anyway, don’t be to hard on yourself.

    #325879

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kaylen:

    Keep in mind that no person is a saint. No person has non-ego, “pretty thoughts’ all the time. No one. Everyone gets angry at other people, everyone sometimes criticizes others for the way they look. it is quick and automatic and it has to do with the fact that we are, after all, animals, not godly creatures made of pure white snow, or clean breezy air, or whatnot.

    Over time, if and as we get wiser, we criticize ourselves and others less and less. But it is a process and better practice patience in that process of healing and learning, otherwise- we don’t get to heal and learn.

    You wrote: “Recently, I had a breakthrough about patience”- keep this breakthrough in mind and be patient with yourself. When you find yourself criticizing others, remember that others criticize you too. When you find yourself criticizing yourself, remember that others criticizing themselves too. And be patient with yourself and with others (as long as your/ others’ critical thoughts are not expressed in abusive talk/ action).

    anita

    #326037

    Kaylen
    Participant

    Thank y’all so much

    #326041

    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, Kaylen.

    anita

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