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Consuming thoughts

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This topic contains 11 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 4 months ago.

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  • #145731

    Jennifer
    Participant

    I’ve been nursing for 7 years and in that time I’ve had approximately 11 different jobs. I’m currently working my first non-clinical job for an insurance company and its NOT for me….but I’ve said that before. I’ve always worked jobs that were under staffed and over worked and thought it might be better elsewhere. And for a time it would be until I saw the turnover rate is the same, seemingly every where.

    In this time I’ve saved about a years worth of expenses from rent, car, etc….which leads me to see how important security is to me. Yet, my deepest desires are to travel and be carefree. I know, however, carefree is a state of mind, not something I’ll find but that I’ll possess. I’ve always put off significant travel (not more than three weeks at a time) because of work constraints or fear of not getting another job, or perhaps I should buy and investment property first. While I feel compelled to travel I also doubt myself and my motives. Every experience I’ve had away would negate this doubt, but I question myself anyway.

    How have you taken that leap of faith? To leave a job or something else that helped provide for yourself without letting the fear of what happens when your money is gone, etc, dictate your decision? I frequently say I’ll go when I do “xyz” first.

    This back and forth mindset pushes the people close to me away, as I tend to rest in a state of upheaval and urgency.

     

    #145751

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Jennifer,

    People could say this is horrible advice, and you may not go for it ethics wise, but…

    What if you happened to date a wealthy-ish person who likes to travel? Or a slightly older, semi-retired one?

    Or became a paid traveling companion of a very cool, very hip old lady? Or ask your friends if they have any friends/family with a house in France or wherever you’re going LOL? (You’d be surprised!)

    You are clearly not a gold digger, you just want to travel and not have to worry about money.  I’m sorry, but it IS expensive to travel!

    I’m sure you’ve looked into Air BnB, time shares, etc. Go on one trip a year. Significant travel.. split it up. No need to spend more than three weeks anywhere IMO.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 4 months ago by  Inky.
    #145803

    Jennifer
    Participant

    Inky,

    Thank you for your response! That had been suggested to me in the past when I was out in Reno by a pro kayaker who also worked at a “high end” gentleman’s club to make ends meet. She’d been all over with rich guys who wanted the company and while appealing, I know it wouldn’t be in line with my own personal intuition. I have a hard time asking for anything from people and on rare occasions that I do it feels as though they have me on their layaway plan and will collect when convenient to them, you know?

     

    traveling with an older woman sounds pretty good, though. I’ve never considered that option. But that, too, sounds like a difficult prospect.

    #145807

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jennifer:

    Glad you are back with a second thread.

    You wrote above: “my deepest desires are to travel and be carefree”

    And then: “I frequently say I’ll go (travel) when I do ‘xyz’ first.”

    That “xyz” is not about x, y and z. It is about anxiety that aches to be resolved.

    The Thinking Brain is looking for a cognitive solution to the problem: anxiety. “xyz” is one set of solution. The solution aims to resolve the anxiety, the distress.

    “xyz” can make a lot of sense, for example: I will travel when I save enough money (x), when I secure a job when I return from traveling (y), and when I secure an apartment for when I return (z).

    Thing is, once you take care of xyz, the anxiety is likely to still be there, and the thinking brain will question itself, doubt itself: why am I not feeling safe now? And it may come up with “uvw”, or not.

    And so, I believe, it is the anxiety that needs to be identified and understood. As you wrote in a wise reply to another thread a week ago, once you become aware of something, you cannot be unaware and you must accept what it is you are aware of. The thing to be aware of, with growing equanimity, is what is underneath the “xyz”.

    What do you think/feel?

    anita

    #145841

    Jennifer
    Participant

    Anita,

    I think your statement that once “xyz” is resolved I’d come up with ” uvw” was completely accurate and what I was trying to elude to. No amount of savings, safety net, etc, will provide that security I’m so afraid of losing. So I keep delaying and resent my job and especially myself in the process.

    I think most of my anxiety stems from having Taken some career back steps (in my opinion) and I’m afraid of being stuck where I am; that I’ve trapped myself because of how many positions I’ve had and that my current one is not clinical. I’ve been out of the hospital too long to take a travel assignment and I’ve had too many jobs for a new facility to want to hire me. The only time I felt comfortable was when I was either working per diem and took long trips or when I was on a travel assignment. I feel like quitting my current job today, but I know it’s easier to get a job when you have one.

    I also think I’m feeling a bit lost, and as such I’m looking for something or someone to step in save me, help me find my way to something I feel good about.

    #145845

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jennifer:

    I can’t think of a better place to save yourself, to help you find your way than competent psychotherapy. This time not with a therapist who will hand you an AA brochure. But a therapist you will interview for the job of helping you and approve of.

    When you are stuck in fear, you need courage and that requires a feeling of safety- not complete safety, but enough. In the context of a safe relationship with a therapist who will be empathetic of you and dedicated to the work with you, you may find that courage.

    anita

     

    #145851

    Jennifer
    Participant

    Anita

    How would I research someone with those qualifications in my area? Would they actually have the title “psychotherapist”?

    #145855

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jennifer:

    I don’t know where you live. I will share with you how I found therapy, my first competent therapy experience in my life six years ago. It started with me reading and working on a book/ workbook called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Dummies. Months later, I googled “Cognitive behavioral therapy” (CBT) in my area (city and state) and got a listing of a particular therapist who advertised himself as a CBT therapist. He offered an initial free session and I attended. The free session was very long- I was impressed because previous therapists were very strict about the 50 minute rule (and did not offer a free session).

    The therapist appeared empathetic and professional. He had a scientific approach to therapy: deciding on evaluating me/ my goals, stating objectives to the therapy, psycho-education, homework between sessions.

    He was consistently hard working, very attentive, empathetic, professional and generous with his time during sessions and in between sessions. He was the only therapist I experiences who thought about me in between sessions (emailing me homework, attending to my emails/ phone calls).

    anita

    #145893

    Jennifer
    Participant

    Anita,

    I have heard of CBT in my teens when (I believe) misdiagnosed bipolar and subsequently heavily medicated. So you caught me in your earlier description of psychotherapy. I’ll google that but I’ve already googled psychotherapist, not much came up but I live in upstate NY so that’s not a shocker! Thank you for the suggestion, after viewing one practitioners site I’m going to make a call after work and see what it is this person has to offer. They spoke mainly of learning to live in the present with satisfaction while steering your life in the direction you’d like. We will see!

    #145931

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jennifer:

    Upstate NY- was there 2014. Is Albany too far for you (seems to have CBT therapists there)?

    anita

    #146227

    Jennifer
    Participant

    Anita,

     

    Not too far, I’m about 80 miles south of Albany, not too far from I87. Never got a call back from the only one I dredged up locally, but this seemed to be a holiday week so perhaps I’ll hear back next week!

    #146257

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jennifer:

    80 miles is too far to drive for therapy sessions. I hope you hear from someone competent next week. I hope you can get a free initial session with a therapist so to evaluate him/ her for the job. He needs to be a professional, and tell you how he works and what you should expect. Does the therapist have a website (mine does and it is very informative).

    I just googled my former therapist’s website. Here are parts of it:

    “What Happens in Therapy

    I listen closely and respectfully.  I try to “zero in” on how you feel. It’s really the only way to understand problems that have become overwhelming. This conversation is key.

    But this isn’t an “everyday” conversation. More than just listen carefully, I also ask questions and challenge old, self-limiting beliefs and ways of thinking.

    Our conversation is active. We try new ideas, at your pace, and look for your strengths that can help heal. Problems begin to show up in a new light, and solutions begin to emerge. New ways of thinking bring new feelings of confidence, peace, and new choices for managing your life.

    In therapy I focus on what’s important to you. Together we discover your core needs and hopes, and look for ways to have those needs met in healthy relationships, with self and others.”

    anita

     
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