Menu

Coping and supporting PTSD

HomeForumsRelationshipsCoping and supporting PTSD

New Reply

This topic contains 12 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 year, 10 months ago.

Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #205909

    Soul-searcher
    Participant

    Hi there everyone and i am back after a long break with ANOTHER problem lol.

    If anyone has read my previous posts they will know i have gone through quite a tumultuous relationship. My was deployed to a war zone for 5 months and didnt really know where our life was heading and what we were going to do, we were also waiting on an application to go through so he could live and work here ( My country), unfortunately it did fall through, we are waiting on another application now and if that too falls through he said he will be quitting the military, we are now searching for a home here to buy as either way we will be living her and i refuse to move now and he knows this.

    Enough of that babble, but since my partner has come back he has shown strong signs of PTSD, doesnt like crowded places, he is very distant and cold with me, snaps at me, seems emotionless somewhat. There have been times where he has realized that he has acted wrongly or seen that ive been upset and he will say sorry but it doesnt last that long, this is the first time ive seen him act this way and to be honest i am having such a hard time with it. I am being as supportive and understanding as possible but im finding it very discouraging at this crucial moment of our lives.

    Does anyone know how to deal with PTSD, or have/had a partner who is suffering from PTSD? Any help would be much appreciated 🙂

    Blessings

     

    #205929

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Soul-searcher:

    Welcome back. Are you suggesting that your boyfriend suffers from PTSD because of his five months deployment in a war zone?

    You expressed dissatisfaction with his behavior in the past, before his recent deployment. I am wondering what is new about his behavior with you that did not exist before his latest deployment (if it is when his PTSD originated)?

    anita

    #206969

    Soul-searcher
    Participant

    IIt just seems that it is PTSD, he’s never acted tthis way and I really am struggling with it. He’s always been controlling, has no patience and could be a little abrupt at times, but not like this, this is something entirely different! He is so so distant, he used to be so sweet and kind and would always say i miss you, would always say i love you, would make sure I was ok and would call me as much as he could. Now there’s absolutely nothing, we struggling to have a conversation on the phone, he’s always in a rush to be doing other things, if its anything serious we have to talk about then that is a definite no go area. I’ve been sending him links for houses that he could be interested I’ve said to him could you please let me know which ones you like . .It’s been a week and I’ve heard nothing from him in regards to any house. I’m too scared to bring things up incase the reaction he will have. I am so tired I feel so pathetic, I feel like I’m begging him to love me! I went and bought him some gifts online to cheer him up and got them delivered to the house, he said thank you and seemed so hapoy with them and that was it 5 mins of joy. Then it was the same again when we went to say good night..we couldn’t speak, he was tired. This morning I was very busy at work and had managed to send at least one message. Usually hed send me lovely messages, his message today was about him cooking breakfast, and that he is making a coffee and etc.. that was all. Nothing else ..and I am just so fed up of giving his behaviour excuses all the damn time! And I just lost it.. I really don’t think i can do this anymore  I stuck by him for 5 months went and fought through depression on my own and I was getting better actually no I got better ! Since he left my home town .. it’s been hell, have had suicidal thoughts nearly every night now and I don’t know how to cope anymore I really don’t, I’ve literallt just sent a message asking to leave me alone for now and that his behaviour is killing us!

     

    I don’t deserve this ..what have I done to him to deserve it .. 🙁 please help me someone

    #206973

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Soul-searcher:

    You posted about this man, this relationship since 2015. It may be helpful for you to read your own posts over time. Maybe you can learn something from your shares over the years.

    In February last year, 2017, you wrote: “he had the pressure of having to deal with my insecurities and my anxieties but he never wanted to help or support me on a deeper level.. he thought telling me ‘you look really good’ ‘you are beautiful’ once in a while would make me feel better.. but it never helped my underlying issues and maybe this wasn’t his place to do so and I should have looked for professional help. He has his own issues and had mine to deal with too and not everyone can juggle too much at the same time.. I get that”-

    When I think of a guy burdened by his issues, dealing with difficult life circumstances, the military, deployments, long hours, combat zone, divorce and a son he shares with an ex wife.. and then there is a girlfriend with … her issues expecting him to heal her, I too think it is “too much at the same time”. I too get that.

    You shared that the two of you, separately, attended psychological counseling. I don’t suppose you currently are? In any case, not enough was accomplished to make a difference in your experience of life. Nor in this case, correct?

    anita

    #207059

    Soul-searcher
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    He lied about seeking help, i know now he will never seek help . Everyone has told him too, including his mother whom he respects very much, even though they dont speak often. He wont listen, he has however said he knows he has issues but he doesnt believe seeking help will do him any good, no matter what we tell him he just wont go. I went to therapy and i got much better,  i bettered myself massively but depression is creeping back again. I am asking him to just talk it through, thats all we need, i need to know what he is feeling and why he is feeling this way, i cant think of anything  of else to have triggered him to be this way apart from his deployment.  If we communicate maybe that way we can see what and how we are both feeling and what needs to be done, but whenever i even mention the notion to talk he gets angry and ignores me. I really dont know what to do and how to handle it anymore.

     

     

    #207069

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Soul-searcher:

    How are you massively better (“I bettered myself massively”) and how long has it been, that you are massively better?

    anita

    #207263

    Soul-searcher
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    Its been 4 months now that i overcame depression, only now has depression begun to creep in and out.

    Blessings

    #207275

    Soul-searcher
    Participant

    I am just finding it so hard and i dont know how to act around him. There is constant thoughts going in my head at what may happen next , what is he planning? Is he going to hurt me? He is most definately emotionally distant, hardly says I love you anymore. I told him id fly over for a few days to come and see him and he seemed so neutral about it, usually he would be straight on booking the tickets for me. Its just not who he is!! How do i stop myself from feeling so frustrated and wanting to end it all. I feel so tired sometime because it always seems i keep making excuses for his actions and his behaviour 🙁

    #207315

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Soul-searcher:

    Well if depression is creeping in and out, it is not overcome. The problems in the relationship is as they were before, a few years now. It is the same  old same old dynamics, a repetition of same. Good times, like your depression, creep  in and out. Bad times creep in and out.

    What can you do that is different?

    anita

    #207375

    Airene
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Hello Soul-Searcher,</p>
    I am wondering if you feel safe around him?  You posted “Is he going to hurt me?”  What has he done to make you say that?

    Airene

    #208105

    Soul-searcher
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    I dont know anymore, i dont think theres much more to be done. He will never change and i have a strange  addiction to this man, and i dont know why. I think it stems very very deep as to why i cant let go of someone whos obviously not good for me

    #208109

    Soul-searcher
    Participant

    Dear Airene

    Hurt me in the sense of changing his mind about moving country with me, lie to me, cheat on me…this type of hurt

    Blessings

    #208117

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Soul-searcher:

    I hope you heal from this strange addiction then. Like in the case of a drug addict, it often takes many, many times of trying to stop the behavior before finally succeeding.

    anita

Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.