Hi Melissa,

I am happy for you to be putting yourself up as your purpose. It makes sense to me. Because if we take care of ourselves, the community will also be ok. Like each bee in the hive affects the hive.

Sorry about your relationship – you did your best and can move ahead having gained and grown from the good and the bad. For the life of me I would never do that to a woman, so I don’t get it either. But I know a little how you are feeling – my wife ended our long marriage without notice – I know it can be very difficult but you are doing very well.

Big blue

• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Big blue.

Hello 🙂

I’m glad to see you asking questions and searching within and everywhere for answers. I needed help for sure. I couldn’t ‘think my way out’ of anything – I could only think like myself of course, and it wasn’t working out well. I tried on lots of other ways to think to see what felt right for me and peaceful. I am coming into my own now – and it’s been a great journey.

The idea that your codependency has gotten a better part of your life can all be worth it if it is the reason you go forth feeling grateful for you independence and freedom of self. I too was stuck thinking I was ‘serving others’ but I found out – I was actually serving others in a desperate quest to serve my own need for love and validation that I never could fulfill for myself.

I did not believe I was worth anything or of any value to the world. And my quest – only proved it because I was always focused on others. By doing the very thing that I thought would fulfill me – I took away time from myself that could have been put to use on self improvement. My ‘serving’ was meant to improve others – and even that was backward – because all I actually did was TAKE from them the opportunity to do things for themselves that could allow them to gain their own self worth, esteem and improve their value to themselves and the world.

It was a very prickly road that led to no where but agony and suffering.

I needed to travel it – or I would not have sought a spiritual solution when all else failed. Today I am grateful I did everything wrong. I offer myself the room to make mistakes – do it ‘badly’ while I’m learning – and keep trying even when I know I may never be the best. Above all – I believe in me and know that I deserve love and need to fulfill that for myself. Everything else is just the cherry on top the cake I always say. And I do enjoy cherries… but they are not ‘NEEDED’. I just want them. Just like I want to spend time here interacting with my human family and you 🙂

All the best,
Tasha