June 29, 2014 at 8:09 pm #59885melissaParticipant
I have been on quite a journey those past years and have recently discovered that my boyfriend of 3 years has been seeing someone else. This event made me realize how much I have been completely forgetting about myself in my past relationships and in life in general. I am now 38 years old and those cumulated years of living for others led me to feel very uncomfortable and lost in my daily life, with much less energy than years ago.
I have been taking time on my own and started thinking about how it always seemed difficult for me to give myself value and how I always have been looking elsewhere for it, by cherishing others.
I have also been thinking about what could be my purpose in life and I had a intuition that it might simply be to take very good care of myself (meditation, connecting with nature, being gentle, learn to love myself).. as it seemed for me that I need to put a particular focus on it since my ‘pattern’ has been to ‘serve others’.
This idea brings joy to my heart but I’m thinking, is that a real life purpose or is it simply weird and narcissistic!
Thanks for your word on it!
Much love!June 29, 2014 at 8:27 pm #59886Big blueParticipant
I am happy for you to be putting yourself up as your purpose. It makes sense to me. Because if we take care of ourselves, the community will also be ok. Like each bee in the hive affects the hive.
Sorry about your relationship – you did your best and can move ahead having gained and grown from the good and the bad. For the life of me I would never do that to a woman, so I don’t get it either. But I know a little how you are feeling – my wife ended our long marriage without notice – I know it can be very difficult but you are doing very well.
June 30, 2014 at 7:03 am #59929Paula JonesParticipant
- This reply was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by Big blue.
It’s hard to be useful to others without being useful to ourselves and appreciating our own unique gifts. It sounds like you need to take some time out for you to work out what will be good for you; once you can do that, you’ll be more aware in other relationships and able to work out the right things for you there too.
Good luck 🙂
PaulaJune 30, 2014 at 12:02 pm #59971NatashaParticipant
I’m glad to see you asking questions and searching within and everywhere for answers. I needed help for sure. I couldn’t ‘think my way out’ of anything – I could only think like myself of course, and it wasn’t working out well. I tried on lots of other ways to think to see what felt right for me and peaceful. I am coming into my own now – and it’s been a great journey.
The idea that your codependency has gotten a better part of your life can all be worth it if it is the reason you go forth feeling grateful for you independence and freedom of self. I too was stuck thinking I was ‘serving others’ but I found out – I was actually serving others in a desperate quest to serve my own need for love and validation that I never could fulfill for myself.
I did not believe I was worth anything or of any value to the world. And my quest – only proved it because I was always focused on others. By doing the very thing that I thought would fulfill me – I took away time from myself that could have been put to use on self improvement. My ‘serving’ was meant to improve others – and even that was backward – because all I actually did was TAKE from them the opportunity to do things for themselves that could allow them to gain their own self worth, esteem and improve their value to themselves and the world.
It was a very prickly road that led to no where but agony and suffering.
I needed to travel it – or I would not have sought a spiritual solution when all else failed. Today I am grateful I did everything wrong. I offer myself the room to make mistakes – do it ‘badly’ while I’m learning – and keep trying even when I know I may never be the best. Above all – I believe in me and know that I deserve love and need to fulfill that for myself. Everything else is just the cherry on top the cake I always say. And I do enjoy cherries… but they are not ‘NEEDED’. I just want them. Just like I want to spend time here interacting with my human family and you 🙂
All the best,
TashaJuly 7, 2014 at 10:48 am #60340SuzeParticipant
I think this is a great question and yes I think part of a humans purpose has to be looking out for oneself. We have this inbred survival trait which isn’t really used anymore as food shelter and warmth are so easily found. Surely this trait should/could be used to ensure our strongest life wish is realised which is the desire to be happy.
I’m 39 years old and have never been truly happy in my own skin until recently (I’m on anti-depressants). I filled my sad days with fantasies that this boyfriend would make me happy, that this holiday would take the pain away, that this promotion would make me feel better about myself, that this shiny new car would make me feel happier. None of it worked, you can’t mask sadness.
I am feeling ready to start looking at whom I want to be without the idea that it is to impress others, I am ready to look at work I want to do that I feel benefits me foremost then others, I want to explore me to know who I really am (without the sadness) and whom (a partner) could open my life to further joy.
I found it interesting to read the other day that we fall in love less as we get older, the article said when we are younger we look for a partner who makes up for our shortcomings, as we age we have less shortcomings and need others less. I’m beginning to feel happy about being single as otherwise I wouldn’t have this wonderful time to know myself and what I want.
I wish you happiness on your journey