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“Dazed and confused…”

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  • March 4, 2021 at 11:53 am #375565
    Boris1010
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Seem to be out of synch… I keep posting, *then* finding you’ve replied in my email.  Have to start checking first.

    Well… I’m also one of “those people” who is uncomfortable with silence within a group (AA meetings can be that way at times, and when I’m chairing a meeting and it gets quiet like that, I get more antsy by the second ’til someone speaks), and I suppose that maybe this is the keyboard equivalent of “filling the uncomfortable silence.”  I’ll try to remember to think about what I want to say *before* I just start filling the space.

    Ironic… I also used to shoot (paper, not animals), and whenever I’d hear somebody just “hosing bullets,” emptying the magazine as fast as he can pull the trigger, I’d get all mentally disparaging of what he was doing; there’s far more benefit in ten carefully, mindfully and consciously aimed shots than there is in sending an entire box of lead downrange.  That’s the image that just popped up in relation to what I was talking about in the above paragraph.  Huh.  People who live in glass houses….

    Thank you for the reference; I will be looking him up.  Immediately.

    March 4, 2021 at 1:35 pm #375570
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Boris:

    You are welcome. “there’s far more benefit in ten carefully, mindfully and consciously aimed shots than there is sending an entire box of lead downrange”-  I agree.

    The nature of thoughts/ of life from the neck up is that we can think many thoughts within a single minute, one thought easily replacing the former. But the nature of emotions/ of  life below the neck, is that an emotion lasts way longer than a thought lasts, and is not easily replaced by another emotion.

    It is easy to run with thoughts, but difficult to stay with an emotion.

    anita

    March 4, 2021 at 1:46 pm #375571
    Tee
    Participant

    Dear Boris,

    I am glad that what I’ve wrote resonated with you, even if it made you cry… But those tears are not just pain, it’s also the release of all frozen emotions inside of you, it’s melting… As you say, this is much better than stuffing it down. By allowing to feel your emotions you’re actually connecting your head to your heart, you’re moving in the direction you want to, towards integration…

    If you want to know more about the concept of the inner child, John Bradshaw is an excellent resource, as Anita suggested. His book on shame was one of the first self-help books I’ve read, and it blew my mind. Haven’t read his book Homecoming yet, but I am planning to, it’s on my list.

    I’ve taken a listen to the guitar solo by Ayla Tesler-Mabe – it’s deep and powerful and I get why you like it. Just keep listening to music that opens your heart and allows you to feel…

    And let us know what your therapist suggested as possible next steps…

    March 4, 2021 at 1:46 pm #375572
    Boris1010
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Well… that’s probably why my thoughts and reasoning and reading aren’t really getting me anywhere meaningful.  All of these are ways to keep the mind engaged with the problem, but not effectively accomplishing any real results (kind of like Congress introducing and passing “legislation” to deal with a problem, thinking they’ve actually done something to address it.)  I guess if I want to really get anywhere, I’m going to have to leave the bridge, and go down into engineering and see what’s what.

    Thanks for staying with me.

    March 4, 2021 at 2:21 pm #375573
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Boris:

    You are welcome and thank you for engaging in this conversation with me. To get somewhere meaningful, got to take down the elevator from the head to the heart on a regular basis. Did you read teaK’s post? She submitted hers at the very same time you submitted your post.

    anita

    March 4, 2021 at 6:30 pm #375589
    Boris1010
    Participant

    Hi Anita, TeaK…

    No, I hadn’t read TeaK’s post.  Just closed an AA meeting I host (Zoom), saw your reply (Anita) and then read her post.  What you say “feels” right, TeaK… and it explains why I can’t tell exactly what I’m crying for… it’s just an outpouring of old dammed-up feelings that I didn’t allow myself to feel.  It’s reassuring to learn that this is all a good thing, and that I’m headed in the right direction.  I bought John Bradshaw’s “Homecoming” this afternoon (Amazon… gotta love ’em in times like these.)  Very much looking forward to it.

    And it doesn’t seem right, somehow, that someone as young as Ayla can emote so powerfully… she plays like someone who’s much older, banged around a bit by life.  I’ve been playing since I was 13 or 14, and I can’t do anything like that.  But I’m glad that *someone* can.

    Again… thank you, both, for your patience and insight.  I truly treasure both.

    March 4, 2021 at 7:04 pm #375590
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Boris:

    You are very welcome. I hope to read from you again, anytime you want to post- please do and I will read and reply.

    anita

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