The thing about being at a dead end in life is that when you realize that this means you don’t want to repeat the steps that lead you there you discover the way open and that the dead end is actually a gateway.

I think you are on the right track beginning working on forgiveness as the story your telling yourself and creating needs redemption.  I found LB Smedes book Art of forgiveness helpful as well as David Richo work. Perhaps “The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them”

I believe we are and or become the story we tell. If such is the case the first place to start is to stop telling yourselves the story that is no longer helpful.

When you find yourself repeating the stories like the ones in this post try to take a step back and really notice what your saying. Try to do so without judgment of good and bad. Seek out any cognitive distortions and notice where you are playing the role of victim or villain. Separate yourself from any victim and villain narrative and identify what is left and you will begin to see what you can do to become the change you wish to see.

Here is a riddle for you: You are not your past, you are not your thoughts, you are not your experiences or memories… Who then are you?

Hi Matt,

Although you failed High School, life is not over, life will give you so many chances of you allow it. Perhaps look into getting a mentor. Someone you can confide in and trust, open up to, some one who will listen to you. Whether it is a counselor, pastor, social worker, etc. When you are thinking of hurting yourself, please contact a crisis line, they are all trained volunteers who want to help you. Your call will be completely anonymous. I also feel you are suffering from severe clinical depression and anxiety. This can’t be willed or wished away, as it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Before you do anything, get screened for depression and anxiety, bi-polar, etc. They may out you on medications. Please don’t be like me and go years without being on medication. Don’t suffer. Once I was out on anti-depressant and anti-anxiety meds, I was in the Psychiatric ward in the hospital for suicidal ideation. If it were not for a friend intervention, I would not be here today typing this to you.

I have no family. I’m on Social security Disability, and live in a city alone with few friends. But I keep going, stay busy, help people, take classes, work with animals. Many people have it worse than you. Someone out there, many people, have it worse than me. We just have to find what our passion is and enjoy it to the best of our ability. I know life isn’t always fair, but it’s how we look at life, to make it all worthwhile, not at what life and the world, people, things, etc do to us.

You can turn things around. You can get your GED. There are alot of jobs out there. Don’t give up. Take it one day at a time. However, you can’t do this, in the state of mind you are in, when wanting to die all the time. This is why I am suggesting starting off with quality Psychotherapy, and medication, and mental health screening. The meds, anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, will give you the motivation you need for getting things together for yourself. I hope you feel better soon.

We are nothing and being nothing, all-things. Such is the paradox that is life

You are not your memories, feelings, thoughts or experiences. You are the observer of your memories, your feelings, your thoughts, your experiences.

When you learn to create space between observer and experience the illusion of the experience dissolves and change is possible.  “You” are the still point that directs consciousness.

“At the still point of the turning world. Neither flesh nor fleshless; Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is, But neither arrest nor movement. And do not call it fixity, Where past and future are gathered. Neither movement from nor towards, Neither ascent nor decline. Except for the point, the still point, There would be no dance, and there is only the dance.” TS Eliot