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Dealing with a bully via email

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  • May 14, 2013 at 8:54 am #35523
    Ryce
    Participant

    How do you stand up for yourself in front of a bully? This is happening via email, but I also have to see him, and other people in the group receiving the emails, in real life. I’ve always had trouble standing up for myself, and it started out OK, but then I reacted in a self-deprecating “well, I guess I can’t do anything right,” kind of way and removed myself from the group (it’s a physical group where we meet). Now I am embarrassed because I reacted that way. I wish I had been more skillful. But I am also dealing with some depressing events recently, so I know that’s why I reacted that way. But these people also know those things are going on with me, so I can’t use it as any type of “excuse” or explanation for my abrupt departure.

    I’d like to just let it go, and I thought I had ended it by removing myself from the group; but the bully wrote back saying a lot of incorrect things. My inkling is to just let it go and stop trying to correct him, even if it means that other people might think badly of me. I don’t want to continue fighting.

    Any help would be appreciated.

    May 14, 2013 at 10:52 am #35530
    barbpolan
    Participant

    Hi Ryce: I have found that the best way of dealing with a bully using email is to not respond; I think what my bully wanted was to get a rise out of me in the hope I’d behave badly, but she got nothing. And other people did think badly of me because of her lies, but that’s their problem, not mine.

    May 14, 2013 at 11:22 am #35531
    Ryce
    Participant

    Thank you, Barb. That is a good way of thinking of it– that if others think badly of me, that’s their problem. I know what’s true myself, and if others don’t, oh well.

    Thank you for your kind response.

    May 23, 2013 at 11:55 am #36039
    Skywalk
    Participant

    Silence is the best answer, his bullying itself means that you are absolutely correct, its totally his problem alone. He has his own inner turmoil and his Ego not his true self is trying to create problems. Once Ego gets out of the way and the conscious and subconscious mind work in unison only then can we have peace, this works for both you in not giving any power to this type of behavior and also to him if his ego could get out of the way that is. 🙂

    Best,

    S.

    May 26, 2013 at 10:44 am #36127
    Angie
    Participant

    If you are feeling courageous, and this can be very hard, meet their bullying with kindness and forgiveness. I wouldn’t respond in email, but use this when in your face to face. You have to look in your heart to be truly kind and forgiving, because if you just pretend it will come off insincere. Perhaps they are a bully to you because they were bullied growing up, or they are threatened by you or are insecure in some way. Be compassionate to the reasons they behave the way they do, even if you do not understand it, and let that compassion let your own feelings go. It isn’t anything you have done that has caused their behavior, but something wrong inside the persons own heart. Hopefully understanding this can make your own hurt heal.

    If you are up for it: When you are feeling emotionally strong, say a kind word or a small compliment to them if something genuine arises. It may not work, but if it does it might melt that aggressiveness they have towards you. If it doesn’t work, the others around will see the kind approach you have taken and you can at least feel that you have done the right and gentle thing in a tough situation.

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