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Dealing with life and Deciding in moving

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  • February 2, 2015 at 2:46 pm #72271
    Jasmine
    Participant

    I am new to this site but have always been a fan, so excuse me if their are a few typos I am typing on my phone. So when I was 21 I got married to a social path, i didn’t know until I saw a therapist, and she gave me a book called psychopath free. I got pregnant the day I got married and two months into my preganant I decided to leave my husband. He was becoming very toxic and I didn’t want him stressing me out to cause me to have a miscarriage, i left I moved in with my mom and did it alone our divorce took about a year of course he found a girlfriend, but by this time I had had so many of his friends telling me how he cheated on me, and was doing his own thing so I didn’t care, but he was so angry at me he would call me names and just be mean, so I would hang up the phone because I didn’t want that negativity around my son or myself. I won our whole custody battle which was awesome and I went to celebrate I went out with my sister I’m in the bathroom and one of my ex husbands many exes while we where shortly together came up and was like is your name jasmine? I said yes and she goes on to tell me how my husband was showing videos and pictures of me to his girlfriends, and she continued on telling me his now girlfriend called her for money and a three some. I didn’t care about him but as for myself I lost so much self confidence in the last few years I am own 24 and I am starting to gain my confidence back but now I’m looking at my future looking at where I should move, one of the last things my ex told me is I would never amount to anything and I was a familiar and I would be on Alaska for ever, I had a degree at the time and I’m know working on another degree in law to better me and my son life, but now I have had this constant urge for 2 years to move, it’s getting stronger and it’s getting worse this urge to move. I don’t know where to move and I don’t know if I should. I’m not sure if his words still get to me and I am unaware. I’m Confused. My therapist actually offered me a job with her lawyer friend when I finish school, I don’t have any friends here but I have been here forever, I can’t find a church or a group of people where I can sprittually connect , I’m just lost I gave opportunity but I’m confused on where to go from here and what’s best for my son and I?

    February 2, 2015 at 3:44 pm #72276
    Yue
    Participant

    Hi Jasmine,

    Thank you for sharing your story and I just wanted to say that you demonstrated incredible strength by leaving a toxic relationship whilst you were two months pregnant. Bassed on what you said, if you stayed you will have the support of your family and a job lined up for when you graduate but on the other hand you don’t want to stay in Alaska anymore. So it’s a battle in deciding what is logically best for you compared to what you feel you want to do.

    As a suggestion, consider looking for a place that you want to move to, consider what is it about certain cities that attracts you, look for potential employment opportunities and take a trip down there for a visit before making any final decisions. If you have trouble deciding which cities to look for first, put together a list of things that are important to you (e.g. employment opportunities, average rent payment, availability of child care during work hours etc) before you start looking and you can easily cut the time by half.

    I feel that if your heart have wanted to do this for two years, you should always make the attempt to follow it and see where it takes you. It maybe that during this process, you realised that you didn’t really want to move or that in order to move, you need to finish your degree and save up some money first or you find the perfect place you want to move to immediately. Instead of focusing on an outcome, just go on the journey and see where it takes you.

    Hope that helps.

    February 2, 2015 at 11:03 pm #72286
    Jasmine
    Participant

    Thank You Yue, So helpful =)

    February 3, 2015 at 4:27 am #72292
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Jasmine,

    Life is long. I would accept the job and stay in Alaska. Then, in a few years, move after you’ve had your ducks in a row. This way you will never say, “What if I never took the job?” or “What if I never moved?” This way you can say, “I did it all!” 🙂

    Another thing comes to mind. What if your ex never existed? Or what if he doesn’t exist now? (i.e. your baby came from the sky). How would you feel about yourself? How would you be living your life? Live and feel that way.

    Blessings,

    Inky

    February 3, 2015 at 8:08 am #72299
    Ashley Arcel
    Participant

    Hello Jasmine,

    I agree with Yue here.

    I would certainly repeat the recommendation that you need to identify and narrow down on a place you want to move so that you can plan better, save and move there. Once you have narrowed on the place even look for jobs out there (maybe you would want to check out the job opportunities online already!).

    Life can be difficult sometimes, but it is important to pick up only those pieces which you like and leave those which you dont and move forward. Remember, you control your life, not others! once you realize this, all these problems will disappear!

    Hope this helps!

    Ashley

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