October 8, 2014 at 11:16 pm #66142DianaParticipant
Got something on my mind, wish you all could give some insights. So here goes:
I had a tough time when I was growing up, one that has left a considerable dent on my self-esteem. After few years of hell where I steered dangerously too close to the realm of depression (or maybe I was indeed in that deep dark pit), I was able to pull myself out of it about 7 years ago. Ever since, I am recovering bit by bit, every day. I am now in a much, much, much better place physically and emotionally. I’ve been educating myself a lot about happiness from sites including Tiny Buddha and I make a conscious effort to choose happiness.
Lately though, I’ve been feeling a little bit emotional and my self-esteem is somewhat low again. I just started a new job (I know this contributes to the stress) and I was placed under this woman, a few years older than me who is everything I want to be. The old me would’ve hated on her immensely but I am actually in awe of her and am glad that I get to work with her because I can learn a lot from her on how she handles the job, the people, everything. It helps that she‘s also a friendly person.
On the flipside, being around someone as successful, pretty, and put-together as her can be tricky because my stupid low self-esteem would rear its ugly head. I would suffer from inferiority complex even if she’s nice to me, even if all the readings I’ve read advise me not to compare, and even with the knowledge to understand that things don’t always what they seem. Her life could be falling apart behind closed doors for all I know (though I doubt so) and still, I am wrapped up in my idea of her perfection.
This past few weeks, that’s all I’ve been feeling: inferior even though nothing bad actually happened in my new workplace. I hate it. What should I do guys?October 9, 2014 at 2:38 am #66148InkyParticipant
What will probably happen is the longer you work with her, the more “normal” she will seem.
Also, you become the company you keep, which is good news!
Critically look at what makes her seem: successful, pretty, put together? I’m not kidding, make a list. When I went college touring with one of my kids last week, I was in awe of the head of admissions! She was talking, and I wasn’t listening so much as making mental notes about why I was so impressed with her. It was: the haircut, being blonde, her way of speaking, the jewelry, being size 4, hand gestures, and so many more etcetera’s!
The good news is you can emulate what you admire, to a certain degree. Just don’t do it all at once or it will creep her out! LOL
And if you ever get into the realm of jealousy, don’t. Just remember that the Kardashian sisters are now the old girls at the club. 😉October 9, 2014 at 7:51 pm #66172AliamanuParticipant
Hi there, Diana!
I think I understand what you’re feeling. Some people are awe-inspiring with their confidence and abilities, which can create some feelings of inferiority in others.
How I learned to deal with it is to love, admire, and learn from these people and give them credit where credit is due. I respectfully tip my hat to them. At the same time, I must love and celebrate me, and be happy about all the things that make me uniquely ME. I respectfully tip my hat to myself. You are you, and perfectly so. What other people are or are not doesn’t take anything away from your awesomeness. No one can diminish you unless you allow it and you’re well on your way to not letting that happen.
It’s wonderful that this woman is in your life. She has qualities that you admire and value and you may choose to incorporate them into your own life, as long as it doesn’t compromise the essence of you. Look upon her as a teacher and be grateful for the lessons. (You may not be aware of it, but you will teach her something along the way, too.)
Hope this helps a bit.
With warm aloha,
AliamanuOctober 11, 2014 at 9:40 pm #66202maderaParticipant
THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING TO SEE FROM THE PAST THAT HIDES AND IT COMES UP TO BE RESOLVED.
PERHAPS SOME RESENTMENT SHOWS ITSELF.
I HAVE LEARNED TO JUST WATCH IT WITHOUT JUDGING MYSELF.
WE ARE NOT PERFECT AND THERE IS SOMETHING THAT KEEPS COMING BACK BECAUSE IT IS NOT RESOLVED.
LIFE HAS ITS UPS AND DOWNS, IT IS ALL OKAY., GO THROUGH IT, IT IS OUR INNER TEACHER TRYING TO TEAch us. Something it brings tears to repent of.
LouiseOctober 13, 2014 at 11:15 am #66240positivesoulParticipant
I know what you are talking about, mainly because I compare myself to people from school and wish I looked and act like them,but i’ve learned to accept who I am and love who I am. Yes I have a very low self-esteem at times but I get back up again just like you. I think you should think positively about yourself and not compare or think you’re any less then that woman you work with. You’re beautiful inside out and can do anything.
I hope this helped a bit or gave you motivation.
Celine.October 16, 2014 at 8:23 am #66343maderaParticipant
thinking positively about ourselves is just thinking, it changes nothing.
In order to overcome low self esteem is to see our faults and change them, that is the only way to raise self esteem in reality.
it was something in our pasts that lowered self esteem, being bullied or put down, resenting others alse lowers self esteem.
in order to overcome it we need to see the truth about oursellves and change for the better is the answer to low self esteem.
louise.October 19, 2014 at 9:51 am #66466Deborah ThompsonParticipant
I can somehow totally relate to how you’re feeling right now probably because a couple of years ago, I was in a very similar position to what you are in now. It was like this: I had taken up a new job, had a boss who was about ten years older to me and was super-successful in whatever she did (or so it seemed). She was beautiful, rich, talented and instantly likeable (everything that I wanted to be myself but wasn’t). And that put me in the dumps. I used to try to concentrate (unsuccessfully at most times) in office but got behind in my work, and started comparing myself with every single person I came across, in the real as well as virtual worlds. Each time I came onto facebook, I would see my friends enjoying themselves, traveling to exotic locales with their partners, partying away with food and drinks and everything else. The result – I started suffering from depression and retreated into my shell, feeling all alone and forlorn.
And then my mother was the only one who could break into it (thank God for that!). She taught me how comparison was the death of joy of any sort. She taught me how people will start automatically respecting you if you are content to be simply yourself and don’t try to compare or compete with the people around you. And last but not the least: She taught me how I should compare myself to myself, to see how much I’ve grown, what I’ve achieved and what progress I’ve made towards my goals. And this made my life simpler and me happier.October 21, 2014 at 10:26 pm #66627SteveParticipant
I’m going out on a limb here and taking a different tack.
Step 1: Ditch the concept of self esteem. It’s a crock. “What other people think of me is none of my business”
Step 2: Separate your SELF from your PERFORMANCE
Step 3: Consider adopting the concept that… all our SELVES are equal. Each one of us fulfils an equally important role in the web of life. We are WORTH exactly the same and our worth can neither be reduced nor increased. We are all little parts of the engine. Remove one, and the engine falters.
Step 4: We can work on our performance, if we wish to…but it won’t affect our worth.
As you said, you know that you shouldn’t be comparing…and that’s true, as we always compare our insides(self) with other people’s outsides(performances). Hardly a fair comparison anyway.
To summarize….you and your boss have entirely equal SELVES…neither better or more important than the other. You may have differing performances, but that’s what makes life so rich. Could you imagine for a moment if we all performed equally….who’d win the Super Bowl????October 21, 2014 at 10:47 pm #66630StayHappyParticipant
How about disciplining yourself to only think about work at work. Relieve stress by enjoying what life has to offer. I know I’ve felt like that before and I’ve just simply appreciated the things around me. You can also use it as motivation to shape your life into what you want it to be. Don’t forget we are what we think we are!