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July 26, 2016 at 8:14 am #110569
ravi_zimmerfanParticipantHonestly speaking, I’m not expecting anything positive from her. I know she’s been blinded so deeply by her beliefs that she won’t see the truthfulness in my message… rather her sister will sit with her and point out all the hidden perverted meanings that the rapist swine Ravi has cleverly inserted in the message. If she ignores or rejects the message… doesn’t mean I’ll give up. Will just mean I’ll have to send some different kind of message later. Or if worst comes to worst, I’ll try to meet up with her in person someday. I’ll win her back or go to the grave trying. I just need my well wishers to stand by me even if its a seemingly fruitless venture.
I’m drafting the message. It’s not coming out as truthful and honest but more self-depricating. I’m still trying and will surely show you when I’m done. Is there any private messaging system available on this forum?
July 26, 2016 at 8:41 am #110574
AnonymousGuestDear Ravi:
You wrote that you need your well wishers to stand by you even if it’s a “seemingly fruitless venture”- Well, I am a well wisher, this is why I won’t be standing by you if I believed a venture was fruitless. Like you, I am not optimistic about the results of a message as far as a relationship with Jerry. I see a chance that there will be a relationship as a result and want to maximize the chance. The fruit of this venture would be the construction of the message itself- you expressing yourself truthfully, authentically, NOT in a self deprecating way (that will be edited by me!) And then, after you send it, and after the response- or lack of- will take it from there.
I see you feel vulnerable about putting out a message so true to you. This is why you want it private. On this site, there is one way I am thinking of having less people read it- you can post it as an “update”- but that won’t be private. Only less people go there, I believe. I am tempted to give you my email address although I am conflicted because I did give it away to members here on the past and regretted it. Not that it was misused, but I didn’t like it.
If you post it here and you are afraid someone else will comment on it, you can type such a personal request in the beginning of the post and then if someone other than me comments on that particular post, don’t read it, ignore it (because it would be a disrespectful act on the part of the person commenting, following your request). What do you think?
anita
July 26, 2016 at 8:55 am #110578ravi_zimmerfanParticipantWhen it comes to fruitless ventures, I take “Tintin In Tibet” as an inspiration to follow what my heart believes in. Even if it’s a solo journey. 🙂
Is there a way to delete updates later? Or maybe you can use a secondary/temporary email if possible. Just an idea.
July 26, 2016 at 9:21 am #110580AnonymousGuestDear Ravi:
I just googled Tintin in Tibet- Tintin’s inexhaustible efforts to find and save his friend Chang who he believed survived the plane crash, not giving up until he did find him, alive and saved him.
Ravi, like Tintin, not giving up, die trying rather than give up. This is a very attractive concept for you. I wonder when it started, the background of it, for you. Was it in you before you watched Tintin in Tibet? When did this become so attractive to you? When did you become so attached to the concept of never-giving-up and die-trying rather than give up???
(will be back to the message to Jerry and where to have it later. Awaiting your reply to the above).
anita
July 26, 2016 at 9:36 am #110583ravi_zimmerfanParticipantI guess it was several years back when I had been supporting an online petition to get the complete orchestral film score of The Lion King released by Disney Music. That music means a lot to me on a personal level, and it was always my dream to own a wholesome version of it instead of the 15 minutes released on the commercial CD. Everybody I met told me that the release is impossible as the general public does not listen to orchestral music, online petitions seldom work and told me to remain satisfied with a cheap sounding bootleg version that was floating around online. I still used to post the petition link everywhere possible, emailed a lot of people and worked on it for almost 6 years. Eventually, the composer Hans Zimmer himself seems to have noticed our efforts (if his interviews are to be read) and slowly things got into motion. Finally the complete score was released two years back… coincidentally the release was announced on my birthday. 🙂
Perusing a seemingly fruitless venture may be a fantasy but like Tintin who persevered in what his heart believed, despite all his friends and all circumstantial evidence pointing otherwise, I believe that the path of true love is the hardest and most painful, but the right one.
July 26, 2016 at 9:58 am #110585AnonymousGuestDear Ravi:
Very impressive: congratulations for your perseverance and success with the Lion King music quest!
I remember you mentioned the Lion King before and if it wasn’t for the many posts, having to look through, I would be looking for what you wrote in the past about the movie. Could you remind me what it was about the movie that you liked so very much?
I know this is a distraction from our topic, but I think there is something here…
anita
July 26, 2016 at 10:10 am #110588ravi_zimmerfanParticipantI don’t know if my effort actually helped that release somehow, or it would’ve happened anyway. I just like to think that it may have catalyzed things about 0.1% and motivates me to never give up. Still thanks a lot. 🙂
There are two things in the movie that influenced me a lot (spoilers)… firstly the infamous death scene which felt really raw and harsh to me as a child, quite unlike anything else I had seen. Somehow opened up to me how ugly the world can be. Secondly, I like how the exiled Simba who’s guilt-ridden having been tricked into thinking he is responsible for his father’s death, after being reminded of his responsibility as future king by his father’s ghost, goes back to save his kingdom even though it means facing his family and accepting his “crime”. Again, the concept of learning from the past and doing the right thing and not the easy thing, however painful.
July 26, 2016 at 11:19 am #110592AnonymousGuestDear Ravi:
I don’t think I ever watched the Lion King. I would have remembered it if I watched it. I want to google it, maybe watch that “infamous death scene” you mentioned. Then I will be back to you. Will answer other threads first. Then a break for a few hours. Then watch/ read about the Lion King. I know there is so much for me to see about you once I watch parts of the movie.
anita
July 26, 2016 at 8:04 pm #110650AnonymousGuestDear Ravi:
I watched Musafa’s death scene, mute (couldn’t turn on the volume) and read about the plot. Watching Simba discovering his father dead, I cried. It was heart breaking. I thought about it some, what it means in your person and life. On my two hours walk I thought further. I have much to say, to suggest. I believed I learned more about you and know more now.
The kind of love that Tintin’s had for his friend Chang and Musafa, for his son Simba, is the kind of love you have for Jerry and it is the kind of love you need her to have for you. Both Tintin and Musafa risked their lives, were willing to sacrifice their lives for the object of their love. Tintin didn’t give up no matter what, went farther than anyone to save Chang. And both, Tintin and Musafa loved ONE person: Chang by Tintin and Simba by Musafa.
You need to be the only one for Jerry, like Simba was for Musafa. If she calls you “brother” then you need to be her only brother, or the most important brother by far. Same if she calls you “friend”- it really doesn’t matter to you, does it, what label she uses and it doesn’t matter to you if it is not a carnal relationship. What matters is that you will be very special to her, far and above any other person.
I have more thoughts and more understandings, but I need to pace myself and check for accuracy before I proceed. Where am I correct and where am I incorrect so far?
anita
July 26, 2016 at 9:15 pm #110651ravi_zimmerfanParticipantThat’s so touching, Anita. Even I can’t hold back tears to this day while watching that scene… that’s why I generally skip it. I agree that the kind of love Tintin had for Chang and Mufasa for Simba, I have for Jerry. Not boasting but its just a simple fact that my heart agrees with. I know I too would be willing to put myself in line for her if she ever needs. Whether that is the kind of love I need her to have for me… truthfully, while I could not ask for anything more divine in my life, I don’t demand and expect that of her. I know I was too blinded by possessiveness earlier this year. But I know that even if she continues to hate me and consider me a pervert and monster, I’ll still love her as much until the end.
Tintin and Mufasa did have other people they loved and cared for as well, though of course Chang and Simba had a special place in their lives. I cannot deny the truth of the rest of the paragraph, though. It makes me feel guilty as it feels like such a selfish thought. I know it’s not right either as everybody has a special place in someone’s life, and I know I myself had a most special place in Jerry’s life. She called it a “unique bond nobody will ever be able to replace or break”. I wish I had just been satisfied with it instead of being greedy. But then… as soon as she found out about my feelings, she began saying we don’t know each other that well, she always had doubts about my purity of character, etc. Her beliefs caused this disaster… I know the real Jerry who loves me is still in there, somewhere. And yes… after accepting my feelings, I did not mind the thought of her loving anyone else (platonically) but if she called me “brother”, I knew I am nothing in front of her blood brother for her and someday when I got to know she’s going to be married… how would I deal with my feelings then? All this makes my head spin.
July 27, 2016 at 8:01 am #110670AnonymousGuestDear Ravi:
About your head spinning- that was what happened to me on my two hour walk yesterday as I was thinking about The Lion King and you, at one point it was too much, so I said to myself: relax. Think of it later. If we, here, are getting into intense topics, emotions, please take a break and distract yourself with something else. Then later, come back to the topic. I think we should explore this because it would be for your benefit. I discovered in my experience that there is no downside to seeing reality as it is. So let’s keep seeing it…?
Chang was very special to Tintin and Simba was very special for Musafa. Both Tintin and Mufasa proved their love by action, the risking/ giving of their very lives.
I believe you wanted to be that kind-of special to Jerry. It was not relevant to fight for your life (no airplane crash had occurred/ Tintin and no stampede/ The Lion King), but you needed to be very special to her, have a very special place in her mind and heart. This is why you were so very angry and jealous about her brother or cousin brother.
I think what triggered your need to be special for Jerry is because she already treated you special. That awakened in you the need to be very special in someone’s life.
I have more thoughts. But like I wrote, I have to pace myself and check with you every step of the way. Your thoughts?
anita
July 27, 2016 at 8:20 am #110672ravi_zimmerfanParticipantThat is quite right, Anita. This is what makes me feel so bad and ashamed of myself. Even my friends reminded me… she already had given me a special place in her life that nobody else could take. If I had just been satisfied with it, she would still be with me. Hell, she even told me she rarely messages a good morning/night to her cousin brother while we talked nearly the whole day. I don’t know what the hell is my problem then. Then I think, even if I remained satisfied for now… what when in the future, I got news of her getting married. Whatever is happening now, most likely would have happened then.
I’ve finished my message draft. Shall I post it here or elsewhere?
July 27, 2016 at 8:45 am #110675AnonymousGuestDear Ravi:
Just lost a message I typed to you… Before you post the message to Jerry, there is more to explore which is relevant to the message. So some patience, I believe, will be beneficial.
Jerry treated you as special, the special that you need, but that wasn’t enough because your need to be special is very deep, predates you meeting Jerry.
Musafa’s death scene- the look on Simba’s face when he saw his father dead. He started running away from the dead body, as if he could run away from reality, from the knowing that his father was dead. And then he stopped running, realizing- I think- he has nowhere to run. So he walked back to the body and placed himself under the dead arm of Musafa. Remember that?
That pain on Simba’s face awakened the pain in me, and it awakened a pain in you, and this is why we both cried watching the scene, isn’t it so?
Simba felt very special because Musafa treated him as special. And then Simba lost his specialness, he was all alone- no one to run to (so he turned around and back to dead Musafa).
I think the reason Simba’s pain touched you is that you lost your specialness to- not by a death in your family, like it happened for Simba, but because you experienced…
Well, you tell me, take it from here, please…?
anita
July 27, 2016 at 9:07 am #110678ravi_zimmerfanParticipantOkay… yes, agreed about patience. 🙂
Having seen the film, I don’t feel Simba ever cherished being treated special in particular. He and Mufasa just shared a wonderful father-son bond and he loved his father more than anyone and anything else. In fact just before the stampede scene, after Mufasa saves Simba from another dangerous situation and scolds him for putting himself in danger, there’s a really sweet scene of them playing under the stars which affects me as badly as the death scene itself. Simba’s pain touched me because around the time I first watched the movie, my grandfather passed away. I guess those memories come back when I remember it.
I had known Jerry for two and a half years prior to this incident and I never felt the greed to be extra special to her. I knew how much I meant to her and I cherished it… but the feelings of jealousy did not come until much later. I guess as we grew closer, I developed feelings unconsciously and never realized how much she had grown in my heart.
July 27, 2016 at 9:25 am #110680AnonymousGuestDear Ravi:
I am glad you agree about the virtue of patience!
You wrote: “I don’t feel Simba ever cherished being treated special in particular. He and Mufasa just shared a wonderful father-son bond and he loved his father more than anyone and anything else”
That bond with his father- that is the special thing, the very bond.
Did you feel a special bond with your grandfather? Tell me… was it a different bond than what you experienced with your father, mother, grandmother…? I am trying to explore your bonding history now, to figure out the Special element.
anita
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