Hi YoungMufasa

There is nothing wrong with dating short term if you communicate that is your intention from the beginning.

Porn is not the same as sex. So I would go into the experience expecting for the sexual act to be different. Everyone likes something different. Women take foreplay (sometimes quite a lot) in order to enjoy the experience. Ask for directions from the woman. Does it need to be softer or slower, or would they like for things to be more intense. Even the same woman at different times in her cycle may need different things. Things get more and less sensitive and the cervix moves. So every time, check in with her that she is comfortable.

Use a condom at all times! It will take some getting used to and will feel different, less sensitive. When things are less sensitive you will be tempted to go harder to feel more. It is extremely important for this to occur at the right moment when the woman is ready for it. This is why communication with how the woman is doing is very important.

I have a question. In the future, when you are ready to settle down would you ever consider marrying someone from these races? If not, you might be treating them like pornography.

Women are people and they respond best to being treat like people. Talk to them, get to know them. Have fun together and enjoy the experience of short-term dating.

Sadly pornography isn’t always ethical and mistreats the actors. People often need to be on drugs to get through scenes. Because they are acting, pretending to enjoy it. There is ethical pornography out there if you are interested in finding it.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Dear YoungMusafa

I am glad that you have  come to this site to look for answers for a way to balance your needs & wants.

Exercise is one way to get endorphins, & keep physically fit  maybe join a five aside football team. We all crave a sense of connection, which if you are moving around a lot for work this may be harder to access. Doing voluntary work is a good way to meet people of different gender and age.

I would go for massages so that you get used to being touched physically without it becoming a sexual encounter. A lot of of women like to have affection but do not like that the only time they receive it is when their partner wants sex.

Pornography can give unrealistic expectations and some link violence to what should be a beautiful meeting of minds & bodies.

Look into the difference between having sex and making love.

Kind regards

Hi YoungMufasa

Sometimes these things can be cultural. I’m not sure about what your culture is like.

In my culture, some people still look for a steady girlfriend and eventually marriage, but a lot of people look for hookups or short term flings especially when they are young. They’ve been doing that for the past decade at least in my culture. There is a lot of unique other stuff with dating in my culture. Friends with benefits. Polyamory. I think as people get older they start to want to settle down with a partner.

Looking for true love is a nice idea but it’s unlikely to happen immediately. It sounds like you’re just being honest as opposed to romanticising the idea of dating. I think it’s good that you’re open to the right person coming along and surprising you and being willing to give that a try if it happens. Sure people want true love, it is hard to find though. My understanding of true love in relationships is mutually treating each other with respect.

Part of dating is also about understanding what you’re looking for in a partner. It’s a whole process. You will learn more about which types of people you are compatible with.

That is honestly fair if you are at the oral stage. I’m sure that will come in handy. 😂

Later on, it is very easy to get someone pregnant and if you aren’t in a steady relationship you can’t rely on the woman taking birth control. Even in a steady relationship, I’ve heard of women stopping their birth control secretly and trying to get pregnant. So I would make sure that someone is 100% on the same page as you when it comes to not being ready to have kids yet. This is why condoms provide a level of security. Pulling out isn’t very effective as a strategy. If people use that as a strategy for 1 year, 22 out of 100 people end up pregnant in that year.

That is honestly fair! You would be surprised, it is not always obvious. Some people do only have sex and date short term people outside of their ethnicity. I don’t think short term dating is a bad thing as long as you would be willing to consider someone from that ethnicity as a long term partner one day. You are still young and not yet ready to settle down so it is understandable.

Good luck on the dating apps! Oh consent is a big thing these days. So enthusiastic consent is someone being super eager to ya know. 😉

The thing to watch out for is drinking because people can act out of character when they drink. So if someone is drunk even if they’re enthusiastic be a gentleman and wait until they are sober. This avoids people having regrets.

You have a good head on your shoulders and a kind heart. I hope you enjoy dating!

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Advice, do not focus upon sex, relationships or love. Be open to a relationship and it will happen. Focus upon your life and how you live it. Work hard, earn your living and save your money. Invest in assets that bring passive income.

If you are so focused on sex that you mentioned that you masturbate. That is going beyond social norms. Stop it. Refocus yourself.

Hi YoungMufasa

Definitely, the respect and kindness that you show others shines though!

Well done on taking that step and putting yourself out there.

It might not seem like it, but that you already have a match is a good sign. These things are numbers games and whilst the odds for women getting a match is 10%, the match rate for men is 0.6%. 78% of users are men and 22% of users are women, so you see there aren’t enough women to match with everyone. If you got a match in under 100 attempts that means that you are doing really well. Statistically, much better than average. Try not to blame yourself during this process and give it some more time.

I can understand that, I’m not attracted to that many people either. These things do limit your options though, so expect dating to take some time. I’m curious about what kinds of things you want and don’t want in a partner?

I think it would have been a surprise to you hearing someone in the background, especially considering the light flirting. But sometimes light flirting is just people being friendly and a good teacher will build up your confidence and make you feel comfortable. There are rules when teaching even for adults, the teacher is not supposed to date a student or even maintain a friendship with them. The relationship is supposed to be strictly teacher and student.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Dear YounMufasa:

“Anita, thanks for telling me the meaning of Mufasa’s name. I included it because…  I admire his traits (which I think are similar to mine). He treats every creature in his kingdom, from ants to elephants, with the utmost respect they deserve… Tinder and Bumble give us so many choices, but I think they’re also taking a hit on my already low self-esteem. I’m not that bad… I only got one match. She was…  just.. meh vibes“- you are welcome! Notice: you admire Mufasa for having the same high esteem for every creature in his kingdom, yet you have less esteem for yourself than you do for other men (and you have less/ meh esteem for some women than for others).

“I started online language classes more than a week ago, and the teacher is quite friendly. I like her. We even engage in light flirting sometimes. Today though, during class, I heard a man’s voice in the background…Why am I getting jealous over something silly like this?“- maybe because you feel inferior to other men, including the man you heard in the background?

I suffered from a low self-esteem most of my life and it was devastating for me . Maybe it will help if you look into it more, share about it more.?

anita