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Desperately Hopeless.

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  • #73348
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I don’t want to overdo the details… my life isn’t that exciting.
    I’m 24, male.
    I took Accutane nearly 10 years ago and it triggered a depression in me.
    On top of that, I get exhausted easily and have really bad anxiety frequently.

    Over and over again, I have ‘the conversation’ (as I call it) with my family.
    They tell me I need to take anti-depressants.
    I’ve tried in the past, but I’m just really sensitive to medication and I literally cannot convince myself that they’re the answer or will help, because of my experience with the Accutane meds.

    I need something to get away from these constant feelings.
    It’s ruining my life – relationships, enjoyment in anything…

    I feel like I’ve read everything, tried every supplement…
    I often talk about killing myself because I can see no escape.
    What would you to say to someone like me, who has lost all hope (NO – I will not take the freaking pills).

    I’m in an average job – Car insurance claims.
    Dull and not what I aspire to at all.
    I like creating music and YouTube videos, but lately… I’ve lost passion for everything and generally feel done.
    I’ve had little breakdowns the last 3 weekends now.

    I dread watching my life pass me by and going nowhere.
    I’ve lost all confidence in myself and all I feel is badness.

    Here’s me on camera: http://www.youtube.com/stefanalexlay

    Help. I just want a little bit of hope again.
    I don’t see the light anymore.
    I feel like I should end my relationship so there’s one less person to be affected by this crap.

    #73349
    Stephen
    Participant

    Peace, Dude

    It sounds like it’s really difficult to be where you are. I haven’t been to the depth where you are coming from, but I’ve gotten my toes wet with depression before, and I know it is terrible, soul sucking, vampire of a disease, but I want to encourage you, because you are not alone.

    I’ve been to the point where I’ve lost my passion. As a matter of fact I’m there now, but I’m slowly getting out of it. For me it’s running. I get home from work and I just think “what’s the point?” but, every now and then, I take a big breath, close my eyes, and run out the door. “I’m only going for ten minutes”, I say. “Okay, it’s been ten minutes, I can go for twenty.” Then I start to smile (thank you endorphins!). That’s where I find hope. I’ve never felt bad that I went for a run, but I have felt bad that I sometimes chose not to.

    I know that depression is an obstacle, and sometimes we think it’s unconquerable and it tricks us into abandoning the things we love, but if you know that there’s something that never fails to cheer you up, I think that’s proof that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If you can be happy doing one specific thing, then you can maybe be happy doing two things, and three things.

    Goals don’t hurt, either. I haven’t visited your youtube site, but do you make music videos? Would you play in front of a crowd? Could that be something you would want to work on?

    I hope this helps in some little way.

    Peace, Dude.

    Stephen

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Stephen.
    #73351
    Redz
    Participant

    Dude,

    Depression is one of the constant phenomena that life has. But always remember that it is just a phase and what keeps it to haunt us over and over is our own motivation and outlook. It is also important that you identify the things that trigger your depression and accept it fully. It is only then that we take full control of the situation and champion our life. I’ve had several moments of depression before but I always see to it that I conquer it by means of acceptance and make sure to keep going.
    I think you are a brave man and you haven’t lost all your confidence yet. The fact that you can write about your problem and seek advise to the public is a solid proof of your strong will to overcome it. And ALWAYS remember my friend that Suicide is NEVER a solution to a problem it will just perpetuate the problem. Often suicide victims thought that taking away their lives ends the misery, the pain the chain of problems, but the truth is they just let problem rule over them forever.. which is a big NO.. 🙂 All of us are champions and the mere fact that we are alive is a great proof that we are worth to enjoy life.
    I would suggest that you keep on doing the things that you love the most. If it is creating music or video blogs on youtube then GO! Just convert all your frustrations and depression to music.. I would also suggest you try to catch some fresh air and a good jog at the park ( I always do that every weekends) it will help release hormones to help you naturally deal with ebb moments. PLUS.. make lots of friends.. it is always great to have someone to talk to and share thoughts on anything about everything..

    Cheer up Dude 🙂

    Your friend,
    Redz

    #73355
    Will
    Participant

    Meds are not the only possible answer to depression. There are talk-therapies, physical exercises and types of meditation that do moderately well in alleviating depression (drugs don’t do better than ‘moderately well’).

    Is there a doctor you can talk to about alternative options?

    #73356
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Dude,

    Get a full physical with blood tests. Sometimes one hormone can be off or you can have a severe vitamin deficiency because your body has trouble absorbing certain things. This is not a minor detail and I’m not making light of your depression. It happened to me. It turned out that my body wasn’t absorbing enough Vitamin D. Sounds minor, but it made a HUGE difference once it was taken care of!

    So get a physical with blood tests. And follow your doctors orders. Go to a naturopath if you want to stay away from Drugs.

    Also, Nature is a great healer. Now that it will be getting warmer, take your shoes off and bask in the sunlight and earth. Being outdoors will re-stabilize you on a basic level.

    We All Got You and are Here for You, One Click Away!!!

    Inky

    #73357
    Inky
    Participant

    P.S. Dude, I just saw your YouTube Channel. You speak well and have a good camera presence . As a mother, I can say, “I Love that Face!!” Don’t take your face away from the world. Even if you just take a walk, you might brighten someone’s day just looking at you. Stay in the Light!!

    #73376
    Anne
    Participant

    I’ll probably get nailed to the wall for saying this, but I have to speak my Truth as I see it.

    Dude, you haven’t tried medication in ten years, and the last time you tried it, your brain structure was VERY different. Antidepressants are known to be problematic in adolescents, and have anyway come a LONG way in a decade.

    IF you’ve tried everything else – excercise, meditation, talking therapies, changing diet, cashew nuts (yep, they’re good) then for your own sake, and the sake of everyone who cares about you, stop being so proud and take your damn meds.

    There are SO many myths surrounding deep, clinical depression, the most toxic one of which is, we can just snap out of it. Wish it away with positive thinking, or by changing our attitudes. Believe me, I’ve been where you are. I “fought” depression for 15 years until I had a massive breakdown in work. It debilitated me completely for over 8 months, and a year later, I’m *just* putting myself back together. The sooner you get help, the sooner you’ll start not needing it. Yep, you could fight this thing yourself, and maybe, in another 3 or 4 years, you’ll get a handle on it. Maybe forever, maybe just for a while. But you’ll NEVER get those 3-4 years back again.

    All the advice about diet, attitude and exercise is good advice and you should follow it, just as any other sick person, from cancer to a cold, should. But we don’t expect anyone to get over any other life threatening illnesses without meds – why do we think “mental illness” is so different? The brain is a part of the body, no different to the pancreas or the liver. Try everything else – then take your meds.

    I know it’s frightening. I didn’t want to do it either – I thought I’d lose myself, become somehow less authentically “me”. I can assure you, that hasn’t happened. I’m me, just with less bad days, and the ability to feel my passion again.

    Good luck x

    #73389
    Cathie
    Participant

    I agree with Inky. I personally have health issues that cause me to feel exactly as you described. I would particularly look into getting your thyroid checked and get tested for any vitamin deficiencies.

    There are so many ways the way we eat, sleep, exercise, socialize, etc. can either increase depression/anxiety or help to eliminate it. There’s an excellent book called The Depression Cure by Stephen Ilardi that discusses these basic needs humans have that can prevent depression. Also there’s a book called Feeling Good by David D. Burns M.D. that helps work through the harmful thought processes that can contribute to depression/anxiety.

    I personally have seen many times the way changing my medical treatment, nutrition, sleeping patterns, exercise program, meditation and thought patterns can improve depression and anxiety without antidepressants. That being said, sometimes when we’ve been miserable for so long or we’ve tried everything without results, it can be helpful to use antidepressants to help get over the hump while trying different approaches at the same time. The decision to take that route is entirely up to you.

    Please know that it is never hopeless. There is always a way to feel better, you just need to find it. It may even require professional help. Our bodies and minds are amazing, intricate machines that are always capable of change. Good luck.

    #73390
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thanks all so much for your valuable input.

    I’ve had a lot of blood work in the past and the docs always say everything is ‘normal’.
    I have doubts, because I feel anything but, and I trust that I’m not a hypochondriac.
    My body temperature is low, I have been diagnosed (via a nutritionist) with bad adrenal fatigue…

    I think for me, now, it’s about balance between emotional and physical treatment.
    I need to learn to relax and have fun more, and to think about other things aside from my depression and anxiety.
    I’m reading a really good book on mindfulness, and I’m going to play around with my diet because I’ve not been eating great as of late.

    I think my angry outbursts have been somewhat diet related.
    I’ve been eating cheese every day recently. I think dairy has a negative effect on me.
    And I’ve been eating a lot of sugar/crisps (for emotional reasons – like boredom and depression at work)…

    I mean, I was literally eating 7 packs of crisps on some days… just because I felt like crap and like I couldn’t cope.
    But that’s just silly…

    Thank you for pointing me in the right direction again.
    I’m sure I’ll have some bad days this week, but I’ll carry on with hot baths, early nights and that good stuff.
    I had a nice hour massage yesterday, so will carry on with that once a month (I was kind of nervous about going).

    If anybody wants to watch my progress, my YouTube channel is linked in the first post.
    I’ll do regular updates there.

    #73414
    Anne
    Participant

    “But that’s just silly…”

    That really resonated with me. As Andrew Solomon says (link below, slightly paraphrased), “the thing that often gets lost with depression is that you know it’s ridiculous, even while you’re experiencing it… and yet, you are nonetheless in its grip and you are unable to figure out any way around it”

    #73387
    Cathie
    Participant

    <cite> @inky said:</cite>
    Hi Dude,

    Get a full physical with blood tests. Sometimes one hormone can be off or you can have a severe vitamin deficiency because your body has trouble absorbing certain things. This is not a minor detail and I’m not making light of your depression. It happened to me. It turned out that my body wasn’t absorbing enough Vitamin D. Sounds minor, but it made a HUGE difference once it was taken care of!

    Inky

    I agree with Inky. I personally have health issues that cause me to feel exactly as you described. I would in particular look into getting your thyroid tested and any vitamin deficiencies.

    Also, there are so many ways how we eat, sleep, exercise, socialize, etc. can contribute to depression and/or anxiety or contribute to eliminating depression/anxiety. There’s an excellent book called The Depression Cure by Stephen Ilardi that discusses these basic needs humans have to prevent depression and anxiety. There is also a book called Feeling Good by David D. Burns M.D. that assists in working through some of the thought processes that contribute to depression.

    I have personally experienced many times how making changes in medical treatment, nutrition, sleep, socializing and changing thought patterns can improve the depression and anxiety you are feeling without antidepressants. That being said, sometimes when we’ve been miserable for so long, or when we’ve tried everything and nothing is helping, it can helpful to try antidepressants to get over that hump while trying other approaches at the same time, but it’s ultimately your decision to go that route.

    Please know it is never hopeless. There is always a way to feel better, you just need to find it. Don’t give up hope that you can find it. Our bodies and minds are amazing, intricate machines that are constantly capable of change. Good Luck.

    #74764
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Just wanted to stop by and say Thank You so much to everyone who took the time to comment.
    I was really glad to get these responses… I was just feeling to upset and beat to write at the time.

    I’ll keep on fighting until I can enjoy life again.

    – Stefan

    P.S… Cathie, I have both those books. I’ve not read the one by Stephen Llardi yet. The Feeling Good book is very good and reassuring.

    #74823
    D P
    Participant

    Hey Dude. I just got out of a “partial hospital” for depression. When I went to go to it I freaked a little. WTF partial hospital. Turns out it wasn’t in the hospital at all. It was a building down the street from the hospital in an office. Basically every day from 8:30-3:30 we sat at tables facing each other and talked about certain depression type of topics. I was there longer than most..not because I was worse off but because my insurance paid for 20 days. I learned so much in how to cope with my depression (which I hated even admitting that I had…I have a male type of ego). Have you heard of dialectic behavior therapy? Most of our handouts were learning about this.
    Anti-depressants are not the solve all problem. I am on them too. In fact I had learned that my depression had went back to year 2007 and I had been on anti-depressants since then for my anxiety attacks. Obviously it worked for the anxiety but not the depression.
    See if there is a group through one of your hospitals that has a wellness group for depression. Most likely it is where they send the people that tried to commit suicide after they have been hospitalized. Some in my group were there from the hospital. Others of us were either referred by a doc or one lady came on her own. I thought that was pretty cool.
    ((hugs))

    #74824
    D P
    Participant
    #75480
    sophrosyne
    Participant

    Dear @Dude,
    Wherever you are, a drawing from me to you.

    auspicious beginnings

    “Hold Yourself Up (Perception Is Key, Key Is In You) Auspicious Beginnings”

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