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Desperation For Love

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  • July 7, 2014 at 2:11 pm #60361
    Tracey
    Participant

    I have struggled for many years with i guess self love. Iv tried cbt for anxiety etc. Im 37 years old and live alone. I have had 2 failed relationships one were my fiance left me. We were to be married this year and were planning ivf.
    But that is old news now.

    I have been through a lot of childhood truama and i imagine this is were my longing to love and be loved comes from. No matter what i do i cant control this part of me 🙁 i get so so upsetand tearful about once a fortnight. My thoights at that time are that i just want to love someone with all of me and them to love me to and share my life with someone. It makes me immensely sad and really hurts. Iv tried everything to address this but i just cant take it away. What else am i to do?

    I have friends and a good mother etc i am considered good looking so you would think iv the support and should be able to find a noce loving man! But im terribly lonely a lot of the time and sometimes feel il be like this forever.

    Any advice 🙂

    July 7, 2014 at 2:58 pm #60363
    Kippie
    Participant

    Tracy,

    Gosh, hun, I am in my 50’s and haven’t found love so I feel your pain. I think a lot of my issues when I was your age is that I blamed the opposite sex from not banging down my door. Now I know that I just don’t know I just don’t have those flirting genes in my dna. Flirting might as well be a foreign language to me. I know there are those girls who can pick up a guy with just a look, or a smile, but somehow when I do that look, I only look constipated or angry. So, just be happy being you, having friends, having a good mom. Find things you enjoy to do, take a cooking class, art class, volunteer. Be thankful for what you do have. Smile, smile, smile. Keep your heart happy. Love will come, maybe not when you want it to, but it will.

    July 8, 2014 at 6:23 am #60400
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Tracey,

    Remember, if it happened twice, it can happen again. You do have it in you to have relationships, otherwise you would not have had that experience! Do what Kippie said about classes, volunteering, and appreciate your mom and friends. Then go to a professional matchmaker, beyond Match.com. They do exist! Esp. if you live in a city. Or tell your friends and family straight up, “I’m looking for someone.” Each person you know (about 100) knows 100 people you haven’t met yet. The guys will also treat you better and take you seriously because you are connected to someone they know.

    Good Luck!

    July 9, 2014 at 8:15 am #60466
    Tracey
    Participant

    Thanks to all that replied. Having such a terrible time at the moment. I just feel drained. I do not know who to turn to all my friends are busy with their lives and their families. I have no children as I am infertile and in a relationship with a guy for the past 3 months and just dont feel any support from him at all 🙁 🙁 really saddens me. When I am having a difficult time and upset he does not give me any comforting words. Maybe this is just him but it is making me feel very lonely when really I should feel that I have him there as my guy to talk to and have a shoulder to cry on. I have tried to discuss with him a couple of times about be a bit more sensitive toward me when im not good, but he ends up getting angry and that upsets me ever more 🙁

    I have tried to make contact with my best friend of late who is having a tough time herself and she is preoccupied all the time.
    She is also spending alot of her time with another friend and I just feel that I am very alone in my thoughts and anxieties at the moment.

    I am struggling with alot of things. I want to be settled and have a loving man and hopefully have a chance to have ivf for a child. I just feel lost at the moment and can not find joy in anything 🙁

    I may as well be the only person on the planet.

    July 9, 2014 at 3:10 pm #60492
    Inky
    Participant

    I know it’s scary, but cast him loose and date other people. Three months and no support? Are you going to be with him for three years? Three decades? There are other people out there. You have other options. Believe it!

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