Despite the pain, are you happy your first wasn't your forever love?

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    Hi all,
    I am currently going through a fresh breakup involving my first love. Unfortunately there were problems with aggression on his end that kept continuing and I could not settle for that. I gave him too many chances to change, but have come to the conclusion that he will not be healthy for me, or anyone, until he fixes his own personal issues. Keeping it short, I know that if he could change those faults I would be more than happy to just be with him, but then I think to myself “even if he stopped, would I be able to fully forgive him for those awful moments that should have NEVER happened?” ” Would I be happy with that? knowing there is a man who wouldn’t even come close to the things he has put me through?”.

    So, I wonder, from you guys, are happy that your first love was simply just that? An experience? A lesson? Even if it didn’t end on bad terms, are you happy that it left room for that amazing guy/girl/husband/wife you have now? or could have?


    Yes, I am. I had a very good relationship with my first love–I thought I was going to marry him. Then I moved away and we had to part ways. It was SO painful at first. I would stay up at night just crying and crying about how unfair it all seemed and how I would never find someone that I would love as much as him.

    But then things started looking up. I made new friends and I realized that there isn’t just ONE person in the world that you are compatible with. In fact, there are many, many people who are perfect for you, so don’t limit yourself to just one. In your case, he was probably never good for you in the first place. I know it hurts, but trust me, there are so many people out there. I am really happy now, despite not being with my first love. You will be too. Just wait and see!

    Thoughts and prayers,


    Hello VK,

    I am happy that you looked past the fact that this was your “first love” and made the decision to remove yourself from that situation 🙂
    I too was also in a very similar relationship (both aggressive and controlling) until I realized that this relationship was no good for me. He had the choice to change for the better and time and time again he chose not to, so we parted ways. Almost 2 years later I can say that was the best decision I’ve ever made for myself. Was it hard? Yes! 5 years of my life had been invested into someone whom I had also shared very beautiful moments with but at the same time the bad outweighed the good. Was I sad? Absolutely, but this pushed me to find myself and most of all LOVE myself. When you reach that point you realize you don’t need to depend on someone else to give you love when its right inside of you. I took that time to explore who I am and found peace, forgiveness and self love. I was bitter when we first broke up, I was upset that I had “wasted” 5 yrs of my life but during my “ME” time I was able to look past the negative parts of our relationship and see that yes there were good moments between us yes I learned so much but we just weren’t compatible and that’s okay! Just because we love someone doesn’t mean they’re going to be in our life forever. Maybe they walked into to your life at that time for you to learn something from them or even about yourself. You may not even realize it until they are gone but they were there for a reason.
    So in all of this, Yes I am happy that my first love was just that because of what I gained after that, a new found love for myself and life itself. My outlook on everything is so much more positive because I don’t have an extremely negative person influencing my life.
    When you truly find peace within and love for yourself things begin to fall into place and when you forgive him you will also free yourself from the past<<< that is one of the best feelings I’ve ever experienced.
    Best of luck to you on your journey, it will be bumpy at times but ALWAYS beautiful and rewarding.

    Sending Love and Light your way,

    Big blue

    Hi VK,

    My first girlfriend – I don’t think was love looking back. Nor my second.

    My ex-wife was / is love. Over 20 years. She ended our marriage. Horrible. Years past. Good terms now. Who knows re: getting back together.

    VK I had a crazyish gf for three years. 75% great to amazing times 25% abuse so after trying to help fix the abuse like you I moved on for myself.

    Eileen I know – guys cry too.

    Elly this is awesome: “Just because we love someone doesn’t mean they’re going to be in our life forever.”

    Best to you, ladies!

    Big blue

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by Big blue.
    • This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by Big blue.

    Hi VK!

    I had maybe a little the same situation with you. It was a very big love, I thought it was love of my whole life because it was first. And first time I felt like I was totally happy.
    But he had some problems with aggression and jealousy. It’s lasted several years. Very painful break up.

    That time I thought I’ll remember him 4rever and truly yes I remember him still but only like experience that gave me a lot.. wisdom actually the main. Now you should definitely know what you deserve, what you could put up with.

    I’m happy that I had this relationship and this person in my life even that we don’t communicate with each other.

    But suprisingly very soon I met person who was like a miracle that got me from my terrible life (he was like a very good friend first time). I became another person and I falled in love till nowadays, it’s more than 2 years.But it’s another love, another feeling more mature.

    So the answer on your questions is yes. I’m happy that it was like this though I was like you confused about these questions.

    I think if it’s yours it will be so. Don’t worry that you’ll live with this pain 4ever. No, definitely no.

    Best wishes.


    hi VK..
    first love.. first heartbreak…painful… beyond words..
    he was my bestfriend in highschool.. had a secret crush on him… we went to different universities and he just vanished into thin air.. but i held on.. still cherished all our memories, and desperately hoped that he’ll come back someday.. and he did… he courted me.. said he was so stupid not to notice me before… answered prayers.. blissful moments.. but suddenly he changed his mind.. 3rd party..i asked him if he still loved me, he said he was no longer sure about it.. he said he’ll find himself first and get back to me.. i said no.. if this is goodbye, then we end it all here.. bcoz i knew it would be too painful to hope again.. a clean cut…:).. it hurt like hell.. wouldn’t wish anyone to go through that… i was nearly going insane…but thank God i managed to pull through that..
    now i could honestly say that ive already moved on.. already closed that chapter of him in my life.. i can even smile now remmbering our times together..our story was a good one after all.. it just wasnt meant to be for forever..
    so hang in there.. do you know the song ‘better in time”? it helped me..:)


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