Dear Tommy:

You say you may not understand love, but I think you understand something many people never learn: how to live beside someone with compassion, compromise, and care. That counts for more than words can say.

There’s something about the way you speak of music and movies—the heavy heart during romance films, the resonance with love songs—that tells me you feel love in your bones, even if you don’t always call it that.

I’m grateful to know that my note reached you. And I’ll say this again, even louder, even gentler: I like you, Tommy. I’m still on your side.

And maybe one day, you’ll hum along to a song and realize… you’re on your side too.

With care, Anita 🌙

Dear Alessa,

Yes, being a parent is tough. I do wish you are getting the support you need to continue on. It is important to have someone take up the slack when you need a break. For me, hope is another way of clinging for an outcome. Acceptance and just living in the present as much as I can, that is the better way. Oh, everyone makes mistakes. It is the good ones that can learn from that and do better.

I wish to thank you and Anita for your kind words. Seems like more than I deserve. And, I guess at the time I just may have needed to hear it. But, time has come for me to really move on. This is a nice place however too sweet for my taste. What is it they say? To make diamonds one must have lots of pressure. It is time to work harder on myself.

Tommy.

Dear Tommy:

I understand.

Kindness can feel uncomfortable. Softness can feel risky. It can feel safer to carry guilt, regrets, and pressure inside—and to believe that you’ve done wrong and should forever suffer—because at least then, the pain makes sense. It doesn’t come from nowhere… it’s deserved.

I get it. You’re not wrong for needing that.

But if you ever want a quiet place to rest—no judgment, no sweetness overload—just a place to breathe and be soft, if only for a moment… that space still exists. No expectations. Just understanding.

Wishing you steadiness on your path,

—Anita

In my life, I’ve dealt with swinging emotions on a daily basis as a music teacher for 28 years. In any given day, I would come into contact with 600 kids and often their parents / administrators. Juggling the swinging emotions is what originally pushed me into the desire to start a meditation practice and personal development. Not only was I healing my own emotional turmoil, but I was studying the same problems in my students. It occurred to me this is simply identity crisis (wrong view in Buddhism). The one (maybe only thing) that really pushed me to see clearly was this simple aphorism: The one you are looking for is the one looking. This was the first big step for me learning the center of being for the human experience. Everyone I came in contact with at school was a reflection of me (the same me in them).

After realizing this unity of identity in everyone, my new view then immediately healed my nature. Around the time I realized this, I was learning about the three jewels of Prajnaparamita (perfection of Wisdom) from the Diamond Sutra (Prajnaparamita Sutra). From most eastern sutras, there is a simple idea that we all suffer from the common three non-virtues (there are 10 in total).

Wrong View (who am I)
Wrong Nature (why do I suffer)
Wrong Desire (caused by the first two)

As they say, if you work on one, you fix them all (including the other 7). For me, it was identity realization, or the fact that the one I was looking for is the one looking (in everyone). This then allowed me to realize my full compassion for others and get over my own sense of identity crisis. From there, it was cultivation (synonym in Sanskrit for Meditation). The path I discovered is Meditation (Empty out), Contemplation (breath in) and Service (breath out). My new nature from watching the breath was a realization that breath is not simply air, but emotions, food, thoughts, media and so on. My real hindrance in life was that my breath was the roadblock to my nature. Once nature is fixed by identity realization, then desires change. This is the moment of Prajnaparamita, or Prajna (wisdom) Paramita (well done). The turning point in every seeker’s life.

As they say, when the student (you) is ready, the master (also you) appears. Like music, it’s practice. For me, I gained mastery over teaching just before moving on to the next place in my life. Life has a funny way of taking away the thing you wrapped your identity around so it can give you something much better. The emptying out part is hard, but the doors it opens are what brings trust. In the end, trust is the problem.

My favorite Rumi quote: “Live as if the universe conspires in your favor.” Because it does. From the perspective of the Tao, this is Wu Wei (effortless action). Once you realize you are not acing alone, but the entire universe of enlightened beings are assisting you, then you become fearless with trust. We are never alone. Identity is everryone using Karman (Kar (action) Man (mind)). Mental action is collective, synchronistic and connected.

I wanted to add, Alessa: your very, very unfortunate experience with your bio mother feels so similar to my own experience with my mother: things you shared about today, and things you shared about in deleted threads.

You and I have so much in common in this regard, I feel.

The drowning trauma- I have this everyday tic, multiple times a day, where I am gasping for air, as if drowning.

It could be because she used to force feed me by blocking my nose with her fingers, so I had to open my mouth, and then.. she forced food into that opening (my mouth).

And her threat, “I will murder you!”- we have this in common as well.

Anything I can do, Alessa, to help or to just be present with you as you go through these struggles.. Please let me know.

Anita

Dear Alessa:

I’m really glad to hear you felt better yesterday, and I hope that feeling is still with you today. It takes a lot of strength to open up the way you did, and I’m so glad it helped to get some of it off your chest. You’re doing your best, and it truly shows.

That last thing you said really stayed with me: “Children don’t want perfection, they just want to be loved.”- It’s such a powerful reminder. I imagine it’s easy for a mother to feel pressure to get everything right—but what really matters is being there with love and care. That’s what children remember. That’s what makes the difference.

You’re showing up for him with love—and that’s more than enough. I hope you can offer some of that same kindness to yourself, too.

With care, Anita 🌼

Dear Alessa:

I’m really glad to hear that the heaviness has lifted and that you’re feeling more at ease. Giving yourself permission to take time alone isn’t selfish—it’s wise. It’s beautiful that doing so helped you enjoy your time with your son even more. That shift from “have to” to “want to” says a lot about how far you’ve come.

You’re doing such meaningful work—both for yourself and for him. ❤️

With care, Anita