February 28, 2014 at 9:06 am #51996
i dnt know how to explain myself, i was lonely introvert as a child, as a teenager i experienced love though he loved me but he dumped me for he had no money to marry me. i entered into another relationship thinking that if i am honest he wud love me but he played mind games with me for 10 yrs wnt let me out and if i broke up wud entice me back again with false promises, i loved him so waited for him to changebut he didnt. i decided to move away which i did, though i loved him still.
i was on the verge of healing myself, 90% healed when he came again and i was again dragged into pain, he reminded me of our past, he was married by now but still played games with me by making me feel that i have made a mistake, i have lost a perfect husband as he is to his wife etc. ( he takes her on holidays, does everything to comfort her- everything which i wanted from him, i just let him go bcuz i cudnt marry a man who didnt respect me or love me but after 5 yrs of loneliness i ques myself did i make a mistake.? She manipulated him to marry her -they have a child now – i have nothing- i keep questioning was i stupid in not forcing myself upon him, or i lost bcuz i was not smart enough.
i know past is past but i still wana know the truth.February 28, 2014 at 9:29 am #52001
plz ans meFebruary 28, 2014 at 9:45 am #52005MarkParticipant
Focusing on your past with regret can only bring suffering. Is that what you want? If you want to learn from your past, then what is the wisdom have you gained?
I see that your experience of healing is something you can take away from that even though you did not get to 100%.
Also your clarity of values was something else you can take away from your past, i.e. wanting a partner who respected and loved you.
What did you learn? How are you focusing on the present moment?
MarkMarch 1, 2014 at 1:13 am #52040
txs for ur advice mark and celina u both r such wonderful people, txs i do understand everything but still there r few things which i canot understand.
1. its been more than 5 yrs when i broke up i decided enough was enough, i loved him but i cudnt see myself insulted everytime. but in these 5 yrs i didnt find the love of my life, and everyone started ques my single status, i m 34 and everyone comes nd tell me i wnt become a mother as i am too old for that. i feel like a looser.
2. he illtreated me but howcome he is so caring for his wife, is he rite that fault was mine not his.
3, how can a manipulator find peace and happiness who tortures a girl to an extent that she becomes a vegetable. is there no justice.
4. will i ever fnd a man who will love and respect me.
5. y did i have to suffer so much of pain when my fault was that i loved him so much.
6. how can i get rid of the pain ( i failed so many times, i have just given up hope.
can u ans me as my mind is in a state where i cannot think.March 1, 2014 at 6:59 am #52047
but somehow i feel i do love him, and i will nt b able to love anyone else. is it ok to b in love with a abuser?March 1, 2014 at 10:18 am #52057AnyoneParticipant
My dear, it’s not ok to be in love with any person who is abusive.
You deserve much better than this abuser, manipulator.
Please ignore people and comments who try to put you down,
by commenting on your single status.
Always remember, there will always be people who try to put us down,
we need to show them our strength and stop them. ‘Survival of the fittest’.
Here – strongest.
Please keep the past in the past, where it belongs.
There are many many many beautiful things in life.
Don’t be stuck at the guy who didn’t respect you.
Move on for the betterment of you and your loved ones (family and friends).
You still got a lot to live ahead.
Try appreciating all the small things around you. If you get a chance,
do read Robin Sharma’s Greatness Guide/Daily Inspiration Guide.
Nobody is completely happy in life, it’s how we take life as it comes.
Get up and get going. Again, don’t be stuck.
As far as being single goes, I feel I’m lucky to be single for I’m not
with a wrong person. And can take care of my own happiness. All I mean
is….see the brighter side always.
About being able to be a biological mother; technology has advanced a lot
to cater to your needs, but the question is ‘if and when you want it’.
I have seen people who consider getting married as the biggest achievement
of life, and have complicated a simple and an already easy going life for nothing.
Once I read a quote, ‘Figure out what you want and know how to ask for it’.
Peace, love and light to you Ainka.
Get the person and his thoughts out of your head. It’s only corrupting your mind.
Love yourself before jumping to be able to love any other person. You come first.
God Bless you my dear!March 2, 2014 at 2:21 am #52068
txs Celina and anyone.
its quite stranage but i want u to read this please do.
I WAS BORN AND NURTURED INTO A FAMILY THAT PRACTISED SPIRITULAITY. SO I DIDNT KNEW THAT PEOPLE LIED AND CHEATED, ITS STRANGE BUT TRUE.
i loved my x deeply thinking love conquers all. so i cudnt acually understand his manipulative ways so he took advantage of that. he acually used me. so i hate him for this bcuz after him i stopped trusting ppl.
but still like everywomen i hopped that he wud change. he wud cheat me and when i wud withdraw in silence and tried healing myself he wud come back again and then cry and do all over again. it went on non stop for 10 yrs 6 mnts we wud talk and then 6 mnts NC. i know i shudnt have trusted him , but he also didnt hesitate to kill me, my hopes. i simply died from inside.
i lost interest in everything, i stopped taking care of myself, i have a job which i do but then i dnt give my 100% to it. i dnt cook survive on bread, though my friends used to say i was good at cooking.
i made a last attempt in healing myself by cutting myself completely from him. but i failed again, he said he wanted forgiveness and in that process he reminded me of things i wanted to forget.
i feel i m dead now and no attempt to revive my life can work. i am already 34 giving away my 10 yrs to him.
but god treated him so well, he got a job in paris, he has a wife a newly born son, all that he wanted in life.
but after seeing this i do ques god, WhY ME< I ALWAYS FOLLOWED UR PATH THEN Y ME AND U HAVE BLESSED A SINNER__STRANGEMarch 3, 2014 at 2:02 am #52145
txs i really appreciate it. when i have been forsaken by all someone like u really came ahead to help . txs again.