- This topic has 17 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 11 months ago by Anonymous.
October 11, 2016 at 3:23 pm #117815
For those who may know my story, I’ll say this again. I was friends with this girl name molly. She lives in the UK. We used to be really close since she dated this guy last year. She was very nice. Sometimes when I would get upset, I would Ttake my anger out on her,because she would barely spend time with me. Of course, I would feel guilty about it later on because I keep telling myself she’s such a nice girl. But later on whenever I asked to spend time with her, it would be excuse after excuse. With my other online friends, they would spend time with me without asking me to tell them! I understand that as friends we become busy as we’re going older. But she used to tell me that she loved me well be besties forever. I believed her. So anytime I would take my anger out, I would apolohize to her saying I’m sorry I didn’t mean it, I missed you a lot. She would say I know I can’t help it that I’m busy/I’m such a busy person or its okay babycakes. I want to believe that she still wants to be my friend,but since she’s dated her boyfriend, the excuses became even more. The more I asked to spend time with her ,the more drama it brought. We would get into argumenta with her saying I’m busy yet she wasn’t so busy to spend few weeks in Oregon with her boyfriend this summer or and that I have to keep asking her to Skype or spend a day with me we were able to do it once. Last month(Sept 2) she told me that her cellphone broke and that she’ll get one in 2 weeks. It’s October 11. She hasn’ messaged me. I spoke with a therapist and he told me that she’s been taking advantage of me and that she will keep doing what she has been doing aND that I deserve better. Along with she kept saying that she’s giving you false promises cause if she truly cares about you, she wouldnt do it. My best guy friend said something like that to me as well, along with 2 other people on this site. Because of them, I decided to stop being friends with her. But I started to cry later on. I want to believe that me not being her friend anymore will be a good thing gor me. A part of me wants to believe that she has never took advantage of me, but I’m tired of hfeeling distant from her. I’m tired of seeing a picture with her and her boyfriend on Facebook. I’m tired of her not talking to me. I even told her all this and she still kept doing it. Few months ago,I told her that I think it’ll be better if I stopped being friends with her but she said ” I still want to be her friend” but at the same time I don’t want to keep living in pain. Even though we haven’t spoken to each other in over a month, I don’t want to be with someone and their fake promises anymore. I want to believe that she was telling me the truth that she was busy and all but since she dated her bf, all I get from it were mainly distance false promises arguments and excuses. I felt that I should try harder to still be friends with her,but she won’t put in a lot of effort in our friendship unless I say something but the effort will be little. We used to spend so much time together and I did let her have few days to herself for her work and study. But I feel too tired and hurt. I don’t want to believe that I’m ooverreacting,but I don’t want to deal with her anymoreOctober 11, 2016 at 3:23 pm #117816
*overreactingOctober 11, 2016 at 3:26 pm #117819
I’m sorry for the grammatical errors. 🙁 I was crying while I was typing this ,and I did not correct my mistakes.October 11, 2016 at 7:23 pm #117857Alien incident47Participant
From what I see here in your letter is she wants to be your friend but you got a lot of issues she is probably incapable of handling, you got a therapist who tells you she is taking advantage of you I don’t see that . Your a very emotional person and she wants to be your friend but she too has a life to live. Perhaps try finding a different therapist and maybe see things from a different prospective.October 12, 2016 at 5:56 am #117887
I already dealt with my issues. I’m not like this with all of my friends. Even my friends see it too. They told me that she would rather be with her boyfriend than be with me. She would spend HOURS with him. But only a minute with me. I was always the one trying to make our friendship work. She stopped putting in effort in our relationship. I’m in college, finding a job and making sure I spend time with myself and wwith my friends. I do know how to balance my life out. She wouldn’t even message me for weeks! I understand that she has her own life butshe has her own issues too. She used to tell me what would happen with her bipolar disorder and I used to tell her my anxiety issues as well. I gave her chance after chance. Even when I would spend time being with my friends and family and with myself, a part of me just wanted to end a dead relationship and the other part kept missing her. She would be active on Facebook with her bf, forgetting about me. (Until I message her) if she can make loads of time with her boyfriend who lives in Oregon and she lIves in the UK than why she stopped making time for me. No mater how many times I told her jat I missed her, most of the time it would end with I know. I had enough of it. I did my very best to be patient with her. She knew how I felt and didn’t care.October 12, 2016 at 9:34 am #117915AnonymousGuest
I remember your previous thread or threads on the same issue, the same girl and that girl’s boyfriend. You’ve been thinking and feeling so much for so long regarding her and her boyfriend. Your attachment to her has been intense and your jealousy at her spending time with her boyfriend instead of with you has also been very strong. And like you wrote, your experience is different with your other online friends.
What is it about HER that is so different from your other online friends?
And why is it that you think she OWES you to be your friend, to spend time with you: why is it something you expect of her?
anitaOctober 12, 2016 at 9:53 am #117919
Because none of my friends promised me that they want to be with me forêver. They never promised me well grow old together liked she did. I believed her. Every little sweet thing she told me, I believed her words. It’s what you told me about how I wanted her attention and to always be her number 1. I should have listened to you and left her months ago but I wanted to give her another chance and see if out friendship will be netter. After speaking to a therapist, I also realized that she won’t really listen to what I’m teking her unless I take my anger out anymore. I didn’t want to hurt her anymore but I didn’t want myself to be hurt by her and my choices. So I decided to leave her for goodOctober 12, 2016 at 10:00 am #117921
I didn’t want to ask her to spend time with me anymore. I had to accept that she’ll keep spending more time with him. I was also tired of her excuses and gals promises. It really hurt when she didn’t speak to me over a month after she told me she’ll speak to me in 2 weeks. I asked myself don’t I deserve better? None of my friends don’t give me false promises and excuses like she did. The more I kept tolerating what she did the more excuses I kept getting from her. My therapist told me that If I continue to still be her friend, then I have to accept what she’s been doing but I’ll only keep getting hurt. He told me that I have been feeling miserable with what she’s doing and that I have to focus more on myself. When I told her, I didn’t want to be her friend anymore, I cried. It was a mixture of relief and sadness. I don’t want to keep hurting her but I don’t want myself to keep getting the short end of the stickOctober 12, 2016 at 10:04 am #117923AnonymousGuest
It is a matter of Broken Promises then? The promise to forever-be-friends? There is lots of comfort and happiness in such a promise and it is difficult to let go of such comfort and happiness.
But the promise has not brought you comfort or happiness for a long, long time. Only anger and misery. Because the nature of the friendship with her is not what you were hoping for to be forever. You wanted a closer friendship- you wanted to be her number one.
It is best for the two of you to “leave her for good”- it is best for her to not be on the receiving end of your anger and it is best for you to not be angry and miserable.
So as to the title of your thread: “Did I make the right decision?”
Yes, absolutely, you have made the right decision!
anitaOctober 12, 2016 at 10:42 am #117928NinjaParticipant
I agree with anita, it is best for you both if you made a clean break now.
You are obsessing about this girl. (Definition of obsession: “An idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person’s mind.”)
I’m not sure if she’s making promises to you that she has no intention of keeping. That answer is in her head. But you sound like a guy who deserves someone who truly wants to be with you. Now, here’s the important part: the sooner you end this the sooner you’ll be freed up to find that other special person.
How do I know this so well? I’ve been in your shoes. Years ago. Twice, in fact.
There are other good partners out there. Better ones. And, while you are searching, discover yourself! Build your confidence and inner strength! Finding someone won’t “complete” you. That places unrealistic expectations on the other person … and dooms any relationship.
The moment I broke it off with my “unrealistic girl” (which wasn’t easy), I began to find value in myself. And you know what happened then? I met HER!
Peace, pal.October 12, 2016 at 11:08 am #117931MishikaParticipant
After reading your post one thing I have understood is that you really miss your friend .
And its ok if you miss her because you guys had spent such good times together.
But since you are in such a pain I would like to tell you that you should spend some time alone just forgetting her (not that you don’t have to reply to her when she texts but you just don’t texts her) and understand the fact that when you are alone not that you will not be mentally and emotionally with her, you would still be emotionally with her but eventually it will come to rest with a lot of practice that will help you relax off course.
And why i am asking you to do this is because when you value your alone time people around you will began to value your time with them. So starting giving value to your time then only shell realise the value of your time.
Its important to understand the value of time and be in gratitude for the time that you get for yourself.
Because in the end if you’ll not value yourself trust me no body will
Just remember all the things you want to do for yourself
Hope you understand this
Love and light
MishikaOctober 12, 2016 at 1:08 pm #117947
Anita thank you 🙂 I am sticking to my guns and not talking to her for good.October 12, 2016 at 1:11 pm #117948
Ninja, I see where you’re coming from. It’s just I thought she would be different. I had former vest friends and I thought molly would be completely different. I haven’t spoken to her and I’m never going to talk to her again. I’m Not looking for that special friend anymore because I’m going to put myself first. When my therapist told me that life is too short, I was telling myself that I have to start taking better care of myself. I don’t want to live a life of trying to make someone stay in my life anymore.October 12, 2016 at 1:13 pm #117949
Mishika, thats what I have been doing as well. But thank you anyways 🙂October 12, 2016 at 1:16 pm #117950
Thanks everyone for the advice! Im grateful for your kindNess 🙂 I don’t know if I’ll be number 1 or be that special person bUT I will keep taking care of myself and not wanting to find someone anymore. Again thank you!