Hi Curious Soul, I might suggest that you try to see a counselor or therapist! I think with a professional you might be able to delve into your feelings for this man who is your friend and see what exactly that relationship is offering you that is so interesting that you aren’t getting with your husband. I think that might help you work through your feelings and see what it is that you want to do! It’s also possible that if you are able to deepen your connection with your husband and feel more closely bonded together than you might not feel so intensely for your friend.

Dear curious soul:

I will be back to your thread in about ten hours to re-read it and reply then. If you are reading this before I am back, can you tell me more about your relationship with your husband?

anita

Dear curious soul:

You are 29, married for two years. You wrote: “I love my husband and living a simple and satisfied life with him.” When you write that you are living a “satisfied life”, I think you mean a life that you don’t intend to change, that is, that you do not intend to separate/ divorce him. You chose and accepted your life with him.

You wrote: “I am in a situation which I wouldn’t call sad or so, but it bothers me sometimes”- I think you mean, again, that you have no intention of changing the situation, that is, you intend to remain married, so you minimize your discomfort about being married. You call your life being married a “satisfied life” that is “(not) sad”- even though is not a satisfied life and it is sad.

You wrote: “I am in love with a guy who is also a friend of mine. He also loves me and has the same feelings for me. I was attracted to him before…  after six months of my marriage, we got back in touch and gained back the chemistry we had earlier in no time… we both just complete each other’s life. I also met him when he came back on holidays, and we enjoyed each other’s company.”

I don’t know why you married the man you married- maybe your family pressured you to marry him, maybe you felt that you were getting older and need to marry someone, I don’t know. But clearly, you didn’t marry him because you were ‘attracted to him”- or because you “both just complete each other’s life” or even because you “enjoyed each other’s company.”

You wrote: “On the other side, I love my husband too, and things are completely fine between us.”- I don’t believe it is true. Again, you make-believe in your mind that your life with him is satisfactory, that it is not a sad life, and that “things are completely fine” because you do not intend to get out of this married. It is called “convenient thinking” because it is.. convenient.

You wrote: “that’s the confusion. I am not sure about certain things whether I must get physical with him (friend) or stop being in contact with him because I am married… On one side I just feel like fulfilling the desires of my heart like continue talking to him, healthy flirting or get physical…” The “desires of your heart” that you mentioned, these are not satisfied in your “satisfied life” with your husband, hence, your marriage is not satisfactory.

“…but on the contrary, I feel the burden of morality… And I did try to discontinue any sort od contact with him in the past. I was able to do it for 2-3 months but then he texted me…”

This is my effort to help you with your confusion: your married life is NOT satisfactory to you. The desires of your heart (and your body) are NOT satisfied in your marriage. On one hand your expectations from life are very humble and so you are “satisfied”- but a part of you wants much more: romance and passion.

You cannot perceive, cannot even imagine (can you?) romance and passion with your husband. So, you are allowing yourself to experience it with another man, a little so far, and you are considering experiencing more of it, with the other man.

Am I correct so far?

anita

Dear curious soul:

You wrote that your husband understands you, and that you and him are like soulmates.

Since your husband understands you so well, like a soulmate, what is his explanation to your situation?

I am thinking he can be great help to you in your confusion, but you are still confused. Back to my question, what did your husband tell you when you explained to him that you love the other man as well and that you are thinking of becoming sexually active with him?

anita

Dear curious soul:

You are afraid of how your husband will react: how do you think he will react?

anita

Dear curious soul:

Yes, I agree: your husband is likely to feel hurt and sad if you tell him, or if he otherwise finds out.

I re-read and am studying your posts on this thread in my efforts to understand you. I came to a theory previously (one of the posts above), but I now think it was the wrong explanation.

Following a second study, this is my understanding, an please let me know if I am correct. Where I am not correct, please do correct me:

You are in love with your guy friend. You love him (have strong emotional/ sexual feelings for him) and he loves you (has strong emotional/ sexual feelings for you). You value his love very much and you want to KEEP it. You don’t want to lose his love. And this is your main concern in this thread: to not lose your guy friend’s love. You are worried that if and when he gets married, you will lose his love for you. You are afraid of the hurt that you will feel if and when that happens and that fear is your anxiety, the reason you started this thread.

Your question is whether you should end the contact with your guy friend and therefore, prevent that possible future hurt or live-in-the-moment and enjoy his love for you now, regardless of the future.

The key sentence in your posts is: “I am not the person who can take relationship casually”- that means, you want the security of resting in the belief that a man who loves you now will love you in the future, for a lifetime. It is not okay for you to be loved today, but not tomorrow. You wrote: “I want him (guy friend) to be a part of my life till the end of it”- that is you not taking relationships casually. “And I fear I won’t be able to have him once he gets married”

You wrote: “I love my husband and living a simple and satisfied life with him,” and “I think I am not physically attracted to my husband anymore but to be specific, I enjoy physical intimacy with him.” Then you wrote: “I think I am in love with two people at a time. And that is pretty much possible. Isn’t it?”

My answer to your question: you are proof that it is possible to be emotionally attached to two men at the same time, to want the security of their future, lifetime love for you from both men. It is possible to enjoy physical intimacy with one man while desiring physical intimacy with a second man. You are proof that these things are possible.

Let me know if I understand your situation at this point…?

anita