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Dilemma

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  • January 14, 2018 at 7:29 am #186557
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Tom:

    I am glad that she reached out, that you are friends and that you feel better!

    anita

    February 12, 2018 at 12:21 am #191957
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Brief update. I reached out to her a few days ago to see how she was doing and make sure she was ok?

    I had no response to this. I won’t reach out again but just thought it was odd she made a point of saying we would stay friends to then ignore me. I was a little annoyed at first but in reality I know she has more important stuff going on and I just need to move on fully.

    February 12, 2018 at 5:59 am #192003
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Tom:

    I am glad you are back to your thread, anytime that you are. I suppose a pregnant woman in a relationship with the father of her unborn baby, having a busy life doesn’t have much time for a friendship with a single man. Clearly you need much more than an occasional friendly message online. Yes, “move on fully”- I agree. It is a delightful thought, isn’t it, that there is a woman out there who will be able and willing to give you the time and attention that you need…

    anita

    February 13, 2018 at 12:14 am #192151
    Tom
    Participant

    Thanks Anita,

    That’s what I’ll do. I know someone is out there, jsut got to try and meet them somehow now!

    February 13, 2018 at 5:05 am #192171
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Tom:

    You are welcome. There is someone out there. There is probably a way to find that someone, to locate her, to start communication with potential partners. Maybe you can go about it in a planned, strategic way, with intent and a plan.

    anita

    February 14, 2018 at 11:53 pm #192593
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Anita.

    There is a small part of me that is frustrated by her actions and wants to send a letter of some description so I get closure.

     

    I know this probably won’t achieve much so do you think it is a pointless exercise?

     

    February 15, 2018 at 4:28 am #192617
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Tom:

    I think it may be a good idea if it works for you. If you want to post here a draft of such a letter, or parts of it that you are okay with sharing, I will give you my input and we can look together at it for the purpose of you deciding if it is a good idea.

    anita

    February 15, 2018 at 2:00 pm #192743
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I think it would be something along the lines of:

    I hope you are ok and everything is ok with the bump. The little one might have even arrived by now. If she has, huge congratulations.

    I know you’ve had a lot going on and I didn’t expect us to speak all the time but we did say we would remain friends and then I tried to reach out a few times but nothing ever materialised. I’m fine with that, I just would have preferred you to be honest with me. I really enjoyed the time we spent getting to know each other and opened up around you and think you did with me too. I would have been fine with us not speaking etc but think I would have just liked to know so I had complete closure.

    There really is no ill feeling at all from me and I wish you all the best with the new chapter.

    If I’m being honest, I’m not sure its a good idea. I don’t gain anything from it. Just writing it helped. Life goes on for both of us and the above was just a small part of it.

    February 16, 2018 at 5:21 am #192793
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Tom:

    At this point I think that when she expressed to you before that the two of you can be friends, while she is engaged in a relationship with the father of her baby, she was not realistic. I don’t think such a friendship is doable because the two of you have intimate history, because you are not friends with the father of her baby  a friend of them as a couple), because you are still attached to her as that special, intimate person that she was for you…because of all these, a friendship with her individually is not doable.

    Therefore I think best that you send nothing at all to her, that if she sends you a message respond to it with a short, polite manner and nothing else. That is, for as long as she is in the present circumstance.

    If it helps you, sending her a message to let her know that such a friendship is not doable, explain why (what is true to you) and that you prefer there to be no contact, you can do that.

    anita

     

    February 16, 2018 at 11:52 am #192877
    Nan
    Participant

    As a nurse, it is usual in most of the US. States that up to 20 weeks is considered for termination of pregnancy ( TOP).What is meant by ” too late” for termination? If she is over 20 weeks, TOP is usually not an option. So, she could be up to 5 months pregnant. Highly unlikely she “just” found out. She need to talk with the father. What will probably happen, is he will deny paternity, if she has a history of hopping around. It may take paternity tests to declare the father.  The father that is being accused, could do the tests and be off the hook.  Any possibility that others are potential fathers, from the time of her “one night stand”, to the time you started dating her?   Are there others she approached with this same scenario? Looking to find someone to support her? How did you reconnect? Did she reach out to you , or you to her?  Your story sounds so familiar, as I have seen several unsuspecting and naive men get taken for a ride. It ended up ugly for all involved, when the truth came out years later.

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