Home→Forums→Relationships→Disappointed!
- This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 10 months ago by
Inky.
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February 2, 2019 at 8:50 am #278217
Preston10ParticipantI wrote here 6 months ago about my long distance relationship that I had, and how things got out of hands due to a gift I sent him and he got angry and upset and didn’t want it.
Anyways since then it kind of got worse, I suggested some time apart between us and figure things out, simply a break. He didn’t want it, he wanted to continue and said he would work on our relationship…sadly he didn’t. Instead he became more and more distant due to family related problems and lashing out on me constantly. And the last time we tried to talk I addressed all this and said let’s talk about us…and see if we can solve this or if we can’t. But he refuses to talk and says it’s me who has these issues, and I am destroying this relationship…I have ruined his life and his mood, well basically everything you can think about. And his last words were F**K OFF and go to hell and stay away. And last but not least he blocked me…I don’t know what I feel at this point, I feel confused but not surprised, just sad maybe because we used to have good communication before he had all his problems. Now all he had left was sarcasm and condescending comments to me. He was acting more like a narcissist with verbal abuse, and I feel like he just developed that over some time because he showed no signs of that earlier.
Just feel so disappointed I guess…and hurt!
February 2, 2019 at 9:12 am #278229
AnonymousGuestDear Preston10:
I re-read your previous thread and you were reasonable and made good sense throughout that thread as well as in this one. He lashed out at you, verbally mistreated you as his way to vent out his frustrations that were not caused by you. This is what abuse is about, lashing out at an innocent party.
Let’s say he had a problem with his father, but was too scared to assert himself with his father, so what he did instead was to get aggressive with you for sending him a stuffed bear in the mail with a loving sentiment.
We are all disappointed (the title of this thread) with this behavior, when it is directed at us, and if and when we do it to others.
A very important part of getting to know another person, especially a person with whom you are considering a future, is to learn how he behaves when he is distressed. Calm, most people behave well, but distressed is the time to notice: does the person turn aggressive/ abusive or does he (or she) contains their distress, not inflicting it on another.
anita
February 2, 2019 at 9:40 am #278243
MarkParticipantPreston10,
Time and time again we (I include myself in this) think we have co-created an emotionally intimate relationship with strangers on the internet because each of us feel safe to spill our guts to each other. It is easy to show that one side of ourselves online.
In person, in different situations, in different circumstances, in different environments we behave differently. Therefore I take my online friends with a grain of salt for we are more than what we put online.
You have experienced more of your online friend, i.e. his abusive side. Good that you know this about him now and without needing to meet him in person to find this out.
Take care of yourself and move on.
Mark
February 2, 2019 at 11:15 am #278263
InkyParticipantHi Preston10,
You have to do a Jedi mind trick with yourself now. Reframe it: He blocked you before you could dump him. YES, you had every reason to dump him. He was expecting it because he knew he was being such a jerk. He was just being Proactively Defensive.
Don’t be surprised if he unblocks you and even contacts you later.
Please be strong if this happens. Don’t respond. You have to teach people how to treat you. No more allowing disrespect!
Best,
Inky
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