I want to tell about a pretty profound experience.

So i am member of a snapchat group with some of my friends and i was at the moment unconscious enough too write the word narcotics. So i kinda got a little paranoid since most of my childhood i grew up with my mom and my drug addicted dad, so it´s a painful thing for me, since i been into psychedelics and mdma for some years now, any way..

This triggered some fear in my system, and as i was wandering around in my apartment thinking how dumb i was i kept saying to myself, chill out dude it´s no big deal, no police investigators or anyone is ever going to find this in your snapchat group with your friends.. so i decided to lay down on my coach and breathe into the fear i was feeling, pretty convinced this was a deeper issue in my psyche/body. I relaxed my body more and more, sometimes my fear pulled my consciousness back into my fear gripped mind, and i kept returning my consciousness into my body. Feeling my body as a little tense and i could literally feel my nervous system working on higher speed than normal. I used my meditation and breathwork skills to calm down, and finally managed a satori state in my body and was totally present with my feelings and emotions. So i asked myself where does this emotion originate from and in my close eyed visual field i saw a big heart in front of me and my first thought: was shower this kid with love, cause this is something originating from my childhood.

And what happened was i was showed pictures and places i was when i was around 5 years old. I was with my mom at the doctors office and was completely terrified and was screaming and crying and kinda traumatized, because we had been at the doctors office taking a blood sample. And the blood sample was taken by a needle in the arm like the doctors do, and i got more and more memories how much i hated needles when i was a kid, and i somehow knew that this was a very bad thing because my father was a heroine addict and used needles. And mom always scared me and said be careful when you are out playing so you don´t step on a needle. So i breathed and calmed down my body and kept talking to that little boy and suddenly i could see him sitting on my lap, and i had a conversation with him, telling him it will all be alright kiddo. I love you no matter what, you are safe with me. And the feeling dissipated like a cloud in the sky, and i feel very blissful at the moment writing this as i figured out that a lot of my unconscious “mistakes” are actually not mistakes, but they are choices made by my higher self, soul whatever to bring out a negative feeling, so i can heal it myself and become more at peace. I have been into self-love, Carl jung and the shadow, personal and collective unconscious for a long time, and i now know that everything somehow happens for a reason, and i have a choice to dive deep into my fears, pains, grudges, depression, anxiety, grief and all the darkness which resides within my soul.

Cause it really is true: we do not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious..

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