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Diving deep into my body

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  • #359541
    Stian
    Participant

    I want to tell about a pretty profound experience.

    So i am member of a snapchat group with some of my friends and i was at the moment unconscious enough too write the word narcotics. So i kinda got a little paranoid since most of my childhood i grew up with my mom and my drug addicted dad, so it´s a painful thing for me, since i been into psychedelics and mdma for some years now, any way..

    This triggered some fear in my system, and as i was wandering around in my apartment thinking how dumb i was i kept saying to myself, chill out dude it´s no big deal, no police investigators or anyone is ever going to find this in your snapchat group with your friends.. so i decided to lay down on my coach and breathe into the fear i was feeling, pretty convinced this was a deeper issue in my psyche/body. I relaxed my body more and more, sometimes my fear pulled my consciousness back into my fear gripped mind, and i kept returning my consciousness into my body. Feeling my body as a little tense and i could literally feel my nervous system working on higher speed than normal. I used my meditation and breathwork skills to calm down, and finally managed a satori state in my body and was totally present with my feelings and emotions. So i asked myself where does this emotion originate from and in my close eyed visual field i saw a big heart in front of me and my first thought: was shower this kid with love, cause this is something originating from my childhood.

    And what happened was i was showed pictures and places i was when i was around 5 years old. I was with my mom at the doctors office and was completely terrified and was screaming and crying and kinda traumatized, because we had been at the doctors office taking a blood sample. And the blood sample was taken by a needle in the arm like the doctors do, and i got more and more memories how much i hated needles when i was a kid, and i somehow knew that this was a very bad thing because my father was a heroine addict and used needles. And mom always scared me and said be careful when you are out playing so you don´t step on a needle. So i breathed and calmed down my body and kept talking to that little boy and suddenly i could see him sitting on my lap, and i had a conversation with him, telling him it will all be alright kiddo. I love you no matter what, you are safe with me. And the feeling dissipated like a cloud in the sky, and i feel very blissful at the moment writing this as i figured out that a lot of my unconscious “mistakes” are actually not mistakes, but they are choices made by my higher self, soul whatever to bring out a negative feeling, so i can heal it myself and become more at peace. I have been into self-love, Carl jung and the shadow, personal and collective unconscious for a long time, and i now know that everything somehow happens for a reason, and i have a choice to dive deep into my fears, pains, grudges, depression, anxiety, grief and all the darkness which resides within my soul.

    Cause it really is true: we do not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious..

    Feel free to share input

    #359548
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Stian;

    Upon first reading it looks to me like a good meditation/ inner-child exercise because the results included:

    1. You calming yourself successfully: “I breathed and calmed down my body… And the feeling dissipated like a cloud in the sky, and I feel very blissful at the moment writing this”.

    2. You connecting to the child in you successfully, and comforted him effectively (#1 above): “kept talking to that little  boy .. had a conversation with him, telling him it will all be alright kiddo. I love you no matter what, you are safe with me”.

    My suggestions: space out these exercises so to not overwhelm yourself. Don’t expect the next exercise to be as successful as this one (it might and it might not be as successful). If you feel distressed during such exercise, end the exercise; don’t try too hard for too long at any one time. Engage in a daily routine of physical exercise and other healthy activities, including quality time with your girlfriend.

    anita

     

    #359550
    Stian
    Participant

    Thank you so much Anita 🙂 I will go easy on myself

    #359554
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, Stian. Glad you read you will be going easy on yourself. Post again anytime.

    anita

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