Do guys have feelings for your FWB at all?

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This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 2 months ago by Michelle.

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February 23, 2018 at 9:45 am #194089

Mollyapple123
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I have been having a FWB relationship with a guy in 6 months, we had lots of fun when we are together (intellectually and psysiclly), but I started to develop feeling for him, I decided to break things off because I know I will get hurt, I know that he doesn’t want a relationship. He acted really cold when I broke things off, like he doesn’t even care. That is quite hard for me, because even though we have never had a relationship, but we’ve been close for a period of time.

So I wonder, do guys not develop feelings at all for their FWB? Is it like one is gone, there are still plenty?

February 23, 2018 at 9:59 am #194097

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Mollyapple123:

You wrote: “we have ever had a relationship”- but yes, you did, a six months long relationship. I understand its title was FWB, but you can not order feelings to stay restricted to a title. You had feelings for him and he had feelings for you, the whole time. I mean, neither one of you is a machine.

I am not a guy, and I am not a guy who had or has a FWB relationship. I just know that we humans feel.

anita

February 23, 2018 at 11:32 am #194111
Mark
Participant
Mollyapple123,

Stereotypically younger guys are different in terms of being not as physiologically and emotionally connected with their sex partners as the women. Sexual desire is the main driver rather than emotional relationship. How old are you two?

Mark

See chart I pulled off the web…
http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/challenges/understanding-differences/how-do-men-and-women-differ-in-how-they-view-sex
- This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Mark.
February 23, 2018 at 1:21 pm #194119

Peter
Participant

Friends with Benefits… Its hard to day how sex might impact a relationship but I don’t think one can break it down into a male or female thing.

Just a few years ago such a question would assume that what men and woman wanted from sex was determined by their gender. Men could have (and must want) as much sex as they could get without feeling where a woman could/should only have sex from a place of Love and commitment…

Today the attitude towards sex is changing and I wonder if we might not be moving towards a time when sex and committed Love relationship are connected at all… unless the two people chose for it to be.

I remember a presentation given by a young woman about swinging. How she and her husband would stare into each others’ eyes as they were ‘being serviced’ by others. The other people involved were objects no different then a sex toy… which she implied was the only way such an arrangement works.

With regards to FWB I would assume that the ground rules were the same. Two people using each other for sexual gratification. That if either involved wanted something deeper the FWB relationship ends, and I guess if such a desire to take the relationship to a different level is one sided that the friendship ends.

February 23, 2018 at 4:24 pm #194167

Michelle
Participant

I got burned pretty bad in a similar situation. I had been single for a long time and just craved sex. I happened to meet someone one night, we hit it off and a FWB situation ensued. I eventually realized that I did want more and was saddened when he originally didn’t. He then changed the script and started playing with my feelings to, I suspect, keep me around. To this day, I am confused as to whether he was being real with me or not; we were together for almost two years and I can’t comprehend why someone would toy with someone for that long. The night it ended, he was so cold and unfeeling towards me that it killed my self-esteem and permanently changed my perspective on love itself. I have never been so hurt.

I believe that feelings will eventually be had by one party in this type of situation. After all, sex is the most intimate act two human beings can be engaged in. As someone else commented, we aren’t robots. And, as they also commented, regardless of how he is dismissing the situation, you DID have a relationship with him. It was primarily a sexual one, but a relationship existed. At the end, my guy kept correcting me informing me that we weren’t “seeing each other” and to not tell people as such. It is disrespectful, dehumanizing and just plain cruel to belittle someone’s existence and the shared experience in that way.

It has taken me a year and I am just building myself up again to feeling deserving of something more than just being a body to someone. Some people can handle that; I cannot. I do appreciate reading about other people’s experience with this though as it makes me feel less alone in the universe. My only advice is to not question your worth. You are deserving of better treatment than you wrote about.

February 11, 2019 at 7:50 am #279649

Celia
Participant

I relate to this. I had an on and off non monogamous relationship with a guy for 14 months, a lot of it was long distance and I understand why it would end this way growing apart.

But he didn’t have feelings for me and yet it seemed a lot of the times he was interested in me or cared about me. I still ask myself if he meant it and if he even saw us as friends or if it was just means to keep me around and it was convenient, for attention or whatever he got from that…or even just someone to fall back on. I don’t really know. Maybe he feels guilty, maybe he doesn’t, maybe it was an easy decision, maybe he’s questioning or regretting it, maybe he cared about me and maybe he didn’t. When we were breaking up he said he trusted me. Don’t know how much he meant that.

I guess I don’t trust him after that anyway.
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