Home→Forums→Relationships→Do I contact him?
- This topic has 8 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 10 months ago by Anonymous.
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January 27, 2018 at 1:20 pm #189327Mary EllenParticipant
Hi all!
I’m not that experienced in the dating scene even after 7 years of being widowed. I met a guy on Match and we had made plans to meet this weekend. He has text me several times this week but has never set a time or place to meet. It’s now late Saturday afternoon and I still haven’t heard from him. Do I text him to see if we are still on or is it pretty clear that he has changed his mind? Thank you for any advice you can give.
Mary
January 27, 2018 at 1:47 pm #189329MarkParticipantHi Mary,
I do not tolerate people who leave me hanging. I think it is incumbent on the guy to communicate specific plans for the date ahead of time. Otherwise you cannot make plans for anytime during that weekend and be at his beck-and-call.
If I was in your shoes I would text him saying that “Since I did not hear from you for making any plans this weekend, I must assume that you don’t care enough to want to date me. I wish you the best.”
That may sound extreme for some but I see that as an indicator for who he is as the person not showing you the respect or courtesy.
Mark
January 27, 2018 at 1:53 pm #189331Mary EllenParticipantMark,
Thank you for your response. That’s my first thought too but like I said, I haven’t really had much experience in dating and different personalities. It’s a lack of respect or a guy that can’t decide if he really wants to go out or not.
Mary
January 27, 2018 at 1:58 pm #189333MarkParticipantWe are here for you Mary. Good luck. This dating world can be a rough-and-tumble place. Always respect yourself. Don’t let anyone disrespect you.
- This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Mark.
January 27, 2018 at 10:49 pm #189363Hey Its JessParticipantHey Mary!
This guy is clearly a jerk and seems to be busy somewhere else. If I were you I would give him a taste of his own medicine xD Don’t contact him again and he’ll eventually get the signal that you aren’t interested. No need to make any clarifications. Inmho, most of the guys online on dating are sites are looking for flings so its much better if you meet someone in real life 🙂
January 28, 2018 at 4:33 am #189381AnonymousGuestDear Mary:
I wouldn’t contact him because on a dating site, when plans to meet someone are made but are not specific to time and place, they are the same as no-plans. Unless you have a time and a place for a meeting, it is not a date.
Online dating sites are about numbers. People are exposed to many potential dates and sort through all those profiles and communications, multi tasking. It really is not a good idea to immediately focus on one possibility and see no others.
A man has to survive the online process before he can meet you in person. This man hasn’t, because he didn’t follow through with his non-specific plans to meet you. Keep communicating with other potential dates, be engaged in the process, try to … enjoy it, find your way to work the site to your advantage. It will take time, and if you proceed wisely, you can meet in person the best potential life partner of all the many men on the site.
anita
January 28, 2018 at 9:17 am #189457ElianaParticipantHi Mary Ellen,
I too am on Match. I met my first match and love on there when it began in 1995. Back then it was only $7.95 to join. No pictures were really required back then. So, ours was a blind date. His first line in response to my profile was “want to go biking”? I almost didn’t respond because it wasn’t a “real introductory letter” but I did. This was before texting came around, cell phones, etc. So, I just came straight out and said I was not very good at writing back and forth, too impersonal and would be mind talking on phone. He said no, and top my surprise, he gave me his phone number.
I called him the night after and we talked for three hours, and he asked me out for dinner. I loved his voice and personality and had butterflies during our conversation. We met, not knowing what each other looked like and it was instant chemistry. We did get engaged a year later, but sadly, things did not work out. This is why I don’t believe in texting or e-mailing..too impersonal. When men insist on “texting” my phrase which has always worked is “any way, we can get past being pen pals”. Men don’t like to be thought of as “pen pals” so try to get his number, and why not just call him? Texting is too impersonal, too short, too distant, no way to get to know someone. Ask for his number. What do you have to lose? If he does not want to give it out, he is not interested in anymore than just a hook-up. I hope it all works out. E Harmony is also a good dating site. x
January 28, 2018 at 12:00 pm #189493Mary EllenParticipantThank you everyone! There were a range of comments and I appreciate that. As it turned out, he did contact me, we went to dinner and talked for hours. He has small children, where at our age most don’t. So I believe his focus is on his children more than wanting a relationship. He was a gentleman and wasn’t looking for a hook up so I was thankful for that and just the chance to learn more about the dating process. Onward and upward!
January 29, 2018 at 4:47 am #189549AnonymousGuestDear Mary Ellen:
You are welcome and good news, he contacted you, followed through and the date did take place. Good thing. Onward and upward is an attitude that will carry you through this process. I hope you post again.
anita
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