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Do I say something or not?

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  • #362845
    JoJo
    Participant

    New here first timer. Not sure if this is the right forum to ask here I apoligize if I needed to post in another forum. I am an older mature  woman late-60s divorced retired live alone no kids. My screen-nickname is JoJo. Pandemic has made  things so hard on me. Ive had it with the Lockdown and isolation. I get along great with my neighbor hes a single man never married in his early 50s. we share yards he  has a pool he swims frequently now with the heat. Hes quiet no loud partys very nice to me helps me out a lot we talk often outside. Hes been out of work with pandemic home all the time. Maybe this is not my business maybe im making more out of it then it is please some honest advice would help. Just recently when I was in my garden that is right  next to his property  and pool he was doing his swim and he came out of the pool and over to talk to  me and  check on me as he usually does. He mustve  been was wearing new swim shorts that  were lighter colored beige and apparently they were not made properly because I could see thru the material somewhat. I really don’t think he realized it at least  I hope not. I think he wasn’t aware the material became sheer after being in the water possibly the first time he  wore them. It was obvious and I felt awkward but didn’t want to be rude and say something. Do I say something? its his house his pool. To be fair i  want to explain that they were not completely see thru not transparent but revealing  enough that I could see his personal area in  particular his hair there show underneath  the  material. I know clothing are made with such flimsy cheap fabrics these days I don’t want to demonize him for wearing something when he was not aware. Im sure he will wear these swim shorts again so do  I say something how do I say it what do I say without embarrassing him or making our  nice neighborly relationship awkward? Say nothing? Whatever I say if I  do then he will  know I obviously saw something very private.  He may be glad I alerted him or feel I over stepped my bounds. Thank you. Regards JoJo

    #362863
    Brandy
    Participant

    Hi JoJo,

    I would not say anything about this to him. Saying something will likely embarrass him, making things awkward. You have a nice neighborly relationship with him; don’t risk that.

    B 🙂

    #362865
    anita
    Participant

    Dear JoJo:

    Assuming he is unaware that his swimming shorts are see-through, I wouldn’t say anything at all to him. My reasons for saying nothing are:

    1. He is swimming alone in his pool, no child or underaged person involved.

    2. Once you tell him, you cannot un-tell him. If you tell him, then every time you see him afterwards, the two of you may have the image of his private area on your respective minds. You may have that image on your mind every time you see him for some time, but at least, you will not have a reason to believe that he has the same image  on his mind when he sees you!

    It is possible though that he is aware that his swimming shorts are see-through and that he enjoys the idea of you seeing his private area, so he walks over to talk to you and to check on you, but also to expose himself in this way. If this is the case, then it will  be appropriate to say something to him. Do you think it may be the case?

    anita

    #362974
    JoJo
    Participant

    I think your  right Ms.  Brandy I will just let it go I wouldn’t want to risk it either. Thank you! Jo

    #362976
    JoJo
    Participant

    Hi  Ms. Anita still trying to learn how to work  thru this forum.  I  decided not to say anything about it. No there are no children or young people just him his pool. I DO NOT believe he did it intentionally and I am positively certain he was unaware.  Yes your right I remember what I saw but  I don’t want him knowing that. I was talking with him outside yesterday (he was in clothes jeans and a t shirt) and yes it is still a bit awkward for me  but the memory should fade in time I would never want him to feel self  conscious  or embarrassed around me thus I  will never tell  him. Just to clarify they  were not “see-thru” (I said in my post) they became somewhat sheer after being in the water but they dried soon after and nothing was visible then. When I said I could see his private area yes because  of the color and fabric I could see the “outline” of his genitalia but he was still covered it was moreso his pubic hair that showed underneath the wet material if that explains it better. He was not naked the swimming  shorts were not transparent.  If not for his dark hair above his privates I may not have even realized anything was visible. Regardless I am not saying anything to him. It was an accident unintentional. Thank you Ms. Anita please post back  so I know you received my reply. Thank  you! Jo

    #362979
    anita
    Participant

    Dear JoJo:

    You are welcome. I think you are working through this forum fine, so keep working it, post anytime you want to post- here, on a new thread that you may choose to start, and/ or you can reply to other members on their threads.

    I understand that his shorts were not transparent, but.. not trying to split hairs (pun intended), if you were able to see what you saw, well.. you were able to see through. In any case, it wasn’t intentional on his part, and he talked to you yesterday wearing jeans and a t-shirt- good thing. (Your thread brings to my awareness that we should pay attention to what we wear so to not offend others- thank you for the reminder).

    anita

    #362984
    JoJo
    Participant

    Ms. Anita yes thank you. Are we in the same age range? I  am 67. I appreciate your opinion and advise.  Yes your right I  was able to see thru and I still believe he was not aware and it was not intentional.  The shorts  were proper dry it was just when they became wet. They were swimming shorts not underwear and I fault not him  but the manufacturer of the garment.  When  they are in the water  or wet there is no reason his privates or his hair there should be visible. Agreed? It is my issue to deal with now I have to let it go. I suppose you could say I felt even guilty talking with him yesterday because he doesn’t know that I know somewhat how his private area looks like underneath his jeans. I am an old fashioned woman set in my ways.  Btw your pun (intended) made me chuckle it brought levity to this matter and maybe im being too serious about it. Thanks. Jo

    #362992
    anita
    Participant

    Dear JoJo:

    Yes, we are in the same 10 year age range, and like you I too am old fashioned. I do agree that the garment manufacturers failed.. unless there is a warning on the shorts: “C-thru when wet”, or something of the like. Personally I too would be offended by a c-thru swimming shorts. I have no interest in seeing people’s private areas.. as the name states, it should be private!

    “I felt even guilty talking with him yesterday”- you did nothing wrong: the garment manufacturer did something wrong and he neglected to be aware that not all garments are created equal. But you- how could you possibly not see that… it’s quite interesting, isn’t it: no matter how older we get, we still cringe the same way when we see certain things, cringe with a  mixture of disgust and .. some curiosity perhaps, or what do you call it.. the appeal of the taboo, or the appeal of the other side of shame.

    You are welcome and it is a pleasure to communicate with you!

    anita

     

    #363041
    Brandy
    Participant

    You are welcome, JoJo, and Anita’s pun made me chuckle too. I think the humor in this situation far outweighs any seriousness. 🙂

    B

    #363105
    JoJo
    Participant

    Hi Ms. Brandy thank you as well for your kind input. This forum is helpful and yes Anita is quite the communicator! Yes she did bring levity to the  subject with her (intended) pun. Your right  Ms.  Brandy now that its settled I agree the humor  of  it outweighs the seriousness. As you may have read I am not saying anything to him  about it. I agree it would bring embarrassment to him and possibly damage the nice neighborly relationship we have. He was swimming yesterday  wearing dark swim shorts that hes worn before so maybe he even realized  it later on that the beige shorts failed (as Ms. Anita stated). It is unacceptable that a garment made for swimming would become that sheer when wet  regardless of the color his neither his privates  nor his  pubic hair should  be visible thru the  material. Right? Also as Ms. Anita said which I copied from her last post – “how could you possibly not see that… it’s quite interesting, isn’t it: no matter how older we get, we still cringe the same way when we see certain things, cringe with a  mixture of disgust and .. some curiosity perhaps, or what do you call it.. the appeal of the taboo, or the appeal of the other side of shame.”  Yes indeed I  cannot “un-see” what I accidentally saw unintentionally  so  I have to get past the guilty feeling that I practically know how he looks like naked…although I didn’t exactly see him naked…but I invaded his personal privacy…if that makes any sense?  Im 67  hes 51 I suppose I took a maternal or  older sister approach to  this but it  is over and have to accept  it. Jo

    #363116
    Brandy
    Participant

    Hi JoJo,

    Yes, your feelings all make sense to me but I hope that any guilt you feel quickly dissolves into nothingness because you really shouldn’t feel guilty for having excellent eyesight :). But seriously, yes, I agree, it is unacceptable (and also absurdly funny) that a swimsuit should become sheer when wet.

    Thank goodness for good neighbors and dark swim shorts!…lol.

    B

    #363126
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jo:

    “I invaded his personal privacy.. if that makes any sense?”- it makes more sense to say that his personal privacy invaded your eyes and brain, and the result of this invasion has been unpleasant for you!

    (If the world was not as complicated and troubled as it is, it would be right for you to take him to court and request financial compensation for the invasion you suffered.. and in turn, maybe he would sue the swim shorts manufacturer).

    anita

    #363423
    JoJo
    Participant

    Hi Ms. Brandy & Anita to update he has not worn them since maybe he later realized it possibly when he went inside if he saw in the mirror who knows. Hes  said nothing  and doesn’t seem any different toward me. Ms. Anita why would I ever think of doing that to him? He did not know. A complaint to the swimming shorts manufacturer is a good idea but that’s for him  to do if he discovered how they  became sheer. But why go against him hes a great neighbor and I am certain did not know at that time although maybe now he does and that’s why he has not worn them. The invasion he suffered by me seeing his privates and hair there.  thru poor quality material and construction. I was embarrassed I feel awkward now when I see him  yes but if I told him it would be he who feels his privacy violated by the maker  of the swim shorts. Right Ms. Brandy? Ms. Anita I don’t understand why  you suggested that. Jo

    #363430
    Brandy
    Participant

    Hi JoJo,

    “Right Ms. Brandy?” Well, I can’t speak for Anita but I feel that she was simply making the case for why your statement “I invaded his personal privacy” isn’t quite accurate. You were simply minding your own business in your garden that day, and Anita’s statement that “his personal privacy invaded yours eyes and brain” is indeed the more accurate statement. The “take him to court” statement was Anita’s attempt to make a point that if there was any wrongdoing whatsoever in this scenario, it was not your wrongdoing, but I don’t believe for a second that she believes it’s a good idea to actually take him to court.  This is clear from her earlier replies to you on this thread. You stated “I have to get past the guilty feeling” and Anita was trying to help you do this, to help you see the situation differently. This is my understanding.

    To now answer your question, yes, telling him what you saw and taking him to court would indeed be the wrong move. You are doing the right thing, JoJo. 🙂

    B

    #363438
    anita
    Participant

    Dear JoJo:

    Brandy explained my thoughts and intentions perfectly. I did not suggest that you take your neighbor to court for wearing swimming shorts that became see-thru when wet. What I tried to suggest to you is that you were not guilty for having seen him in his shorts. I understand that he is a good neighbor to you, and that he does not deserve being taken to court.

    anita

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