Dear Jack:

Yours is interesting as well. What an interesting topic. Reasons people work or over work. Being paid for one’s time, I remember that being my motive. My life didn’t make sense but better being paid for my senseless time than not, was my thinking.

Habit, big reason. Some people may think it is a big deal that I walk the 3.5 mile loop but it is easier for me to walk that loop, rain or shine, because NOT walking is distressful to me. I walk so to not get distressed.

The payoffs of over working- maybe I will come back to this tomorrow morning when my brain is fresh.

anita

* Dear Jennifer/ Jack: disclosing everything is insanity, isn’t it? Disclosing absolutely everything to one person would mean that the discloser will talk non stop, as fast as his thinking and feeling. This is not authentic, it is impossible.

My rule is that what I disclose is my truth, 100%. what I do not disclose is my business.

I used to disclose a lot, as if I owed it to others. As if others had the right to know what i was thinking at any one time. Nope.

anita

Dear Jack:

This is for me, this scenario? I don’t know what an NGO, but don’t particularly care to know. Anyway, what you are suggesting is an exercise for me, to introduce myself on my first day at a company. A short summary- well, what is my position there, this is very important. Am i the one preparing coffee for everyone (is there such a job…I don’t think so) or what is my position. Let’s say I am there doing customer service kind of work, taking emails or calls from customers and processing their requests, computer work, eight hours a day. Sitting in front of the computer and sometimes talking to customers on the phone and giving reports daily on what I am doing.

Okay:my name is anita. This is my first day here and I am excited to be employed after being out of paying work for so long, five years to be exact. I feel bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning, sitting here with all of you lovely people. I can hardly contain myself, being on my first day at my new job working with people. (Looking around, making eye contact with everyone). Before my long period on unemployment I held various jobs in customer service, many of which no longer exist, such as a switch telephone operator, that I was and am here to tell about it (wait for possible laughter). If you have any questions for me (looking around, eye contact)- please ask me and I will be more than happy to answer!”

By the way, I am not making up the enthusiasm, not being a fake. i imagine I am sitting at a table with coffee and donuts and am overly caffeinated and sugared.

anita

Dear Jack:

“…whether such transparency is goof for you in the long run.” The thing is you keep the work of being assertive and show self respect and self value again and again and again. So it wouldn’t be JUST in that meeting, what said in the meeting so crucial on he long run because your input will continue… on the long run. It is not a one time deal. My idea is that you express to others that you value yourself, that you are NOT ashamed of yourself and not afraid of them, every day! And you don’t have to wait for a first day meeting to start this practice. Here is one such place! Every day, today and tomorrow, you practice and practice anywhere and everywhere so it becomes a second nature to… be on your on side, have your best interest in heart

Maybe over time remove those not so on your side inner selves to the second nature and the one ON YOUR SIDE bump up to first nature…

To let you know, jack, how influencial in my life your IST is, during today’s walk I talked to myself about Fran, Tammy and Caroline who are not on my side and wished them ill! That is without thinking about you or about writing this to you. In real life, outside this forum, I adapted IST into my thinking!

Thank you for that!
anita

More of my thoughts (I am hesitant about this because I am afraid it will be unpleasant for you to read, but I may be getting somewhere???)

… What if they were bullying you for the same reason bullies bully, because they weren’t afraid of consequences, because you looked weak and insecure to them, harmless… one who will not object or fight or assert himself? Don’t bullies use any thing as a topic of their bullying: this or that or the other thing, their pleasure is not the thing they are bullying you about, but the bullying itself?

If so, it is not transparency that caused the teasing/ bullying, but the bullies not being afraid to bully you and enjoying it, it releases some work related stress for them, make the day lighter for them…

In that case, to avoid bullying, you look people in the eye, assert yourself, let them know you are not an easy target. (The highly strung hyena in the public speaking class… a target in the work place, just that, and then, the bullies would use anything: what you eat at work, what you don’t eat, your weight, your clothes (all transparent!), your voice, your hair, as well as anything at all you say…

There is one kind of transparency for bullies, and that is EASY TARGET, someone “compliant”- the word your mother used to describe you as a child.

Not about you having been a teacher.

anita