I want a little advice on my current situation about my boyfriend of almost 5 months now (both the same age, we met at uni)
He’s a bit different to guys his age (vegan, does meditation, yoga, fasts for 3 days at the time for health reasons, reads LOADS about many different topics, will gladly spend lots of time on his own).
He is an introvert, and internalises many of his thoughts and emotions (I’m the polar opposite btw). We don’t often openly talk about our relationship,

Though he was first to say he loves me, about 2/3 months in the relationship. We say that to each other often and always fully mean it.
I’ve met this family, he’s met mine, we’ve been abroad twice together, and he came to visit me in my home country for 10 days straight (he left 2 days ago).
I am his first girlfriend and he’s my first proper boyfriend.

The issue is that he doesn’t communicate often when we’re apart, which I used to have big anxiety attacks over, but never expressed those clearly to him. I’ve come to understand it’s not that he doesn’t love or care about me, but he’s just a poor texter and likes time doing his own thing.
Yet it can often feel like he doesn’t care about me (i.e. didn’t offer to pick me up from the airport when I bought a plane ticket to come visit him)

The current situation is the following:
He left 3 days ago to head back to the UK after having stayed with me and my family in my home country for 10 days straight (long stretch of time I know, but went well).

His birthday is on the 14th of september, he knows my flight to the UK is on the 11th, and he chose to come back for the 15th (thereby choosing to spend his birthday without me). I know for a fact he’s not particularly bothered about having a birthday party, he’s not particularly close to his family or friends either.

The morning he left we briefly talked about it and it seemed like he wanted to spend it with me, but he nonchalantly told me he’d actually come back a bit later. I told him it was upsetting, he didn’t seem to be too bothered and seemed like he just wanted to avoid any sort of discussion about it, he keeps his messages quite short and to the point. The matter was sort of swept under the carpet and I felt a bit neglected, and not taken into account.
I didn’t receive another text from another 24 hours almost, by which point I was already imagining the worst.

When I am WITH him, everything is fine for the most part and we get along very well (though sometimes I feel a bit judged for the things I say but that’s minor), when I am away from him, I often feel myself in such despair and disarray due to a seemingly profound lack of interest and commitment to this relationship on his part. I often feel a bit taken for granted, and not that important (i.e. scenario in the paragraph before)

I sometimes have a feeling he’s not right for me, and maybe we’re not that compatible.
I’ve thought about it many times and entertained the possibility of breaking up, but am too scared of doing that, and don’t think I’d be better off without him. I am confused because I DO love him, or at least I think I do

I guess I wanted to ask whether any of you think that this is a deal-breaker, and what you think of this sometimes contradictory behaviour (will text me things like goodbye my love, but then also seem not to understand how upset I can feel), or whether you have been in a similar situation?

PS: we have talked about the lack of communication and how it affects me, it’s been resolved for the most part but I’m not sure whether it’s reasonable to make a big deal out of the plane ticket issue and how he swept it under the carpet and didn’t text me for almost a day following that (surely a boyfriend should care enough to do that?). Or is it just due to his young age/lack of experience?

• This topic was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by Mathilde-S.