fbpx
Menu

Drowning in wants, needs, and shoulds.

HomeForumsFundraisers/Projects That Need SupportDrowning in wants, needs, and shoulds.

New Reply
Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #97302
    SSL
    Participant

    Do you ever feel like there’s just too much that you want and NEED to do that you get lost within yourself?

    For at least the last decade, I’ve been trying to do everything to better myself, and to help improve those around me. The problem is, the people around me want to improve themselves as well (which is why i’ve taken it upon myself to get things started) but unless everything is mapped out step by step, they can’t manage it.

    This has me feeling lost.

    I work at least 80 hours a week, every week. I have so many things I need to get started and going, and they all tie into one another, so it’s overwhelming trying to find which to study/iron out first.. and instead I sit awake after work, trying to iron some sort of an idea out so I can start helping myself, and my loved ones. How do you handle these things? Also, any targeted support forums for some of the list below would be amazing. I’ll asterisk the ones I’ve had the worst time trying to find forums and support on as well. I feel like I’m failing everything because I’m unable to get things sorted.

    Time organization (obviously need this one, since I’m unable to get anything else done).

    *REAL FOOD eating daily for myself, and family (family being extremely picky with junkfood-like palettes). We have cancer fighters, survivors, health issues (High blood pressure, liver, PCOS, immune system issues, etc in the family. I’d really like to get everyone off sugars and processed foods).

    Fuller plot gardening – I garden every year, but have a large yard that I’d like to utilize more. I need to iron out things like dates to plant seeds for starters, and how to slide those dates if the forecast for the next few months is skewed from the usual.

    Debt relief
    *Exercise
    *Juicing
    *Space organizing
    Anxiety support/additional ways of handling
    Self love/acceptance
    Spiritual growth
    Self growth
    Journaling

    Every item has different reasons. In researching, it’s come up time and time again that journaling is great for anxiety and I have someone who has big anxiety issues and panic attacks but does not want to express their feelings to anyone (therapist or otherwise) hoping to find ways to start them on a journaling journey. Space organizing – there’s no room in a few of the houses. Most of this is due to terrible room planning within the homes, some is due to the organization situation just not working for the stuff that’s in the house. Juicing/real food is for the health issues, debt relief is for the stress and to help everyone to afford more things they need on a day to day basis. Self love is kind of a big one. I doubt myself on everything, and I’m positive that has something to do with me continuing to not start any of this, but to continually push it to the back while i research more and more, thinking i’ll just fail and why waste the efforts unless it’s going to help someone.

    I apologize for the rant, and likely the bouncey way this has been written. It’s 4am, I’m still working and haven’t slept in a day and a half. I’m just feeling lost and drowned. I’m a little anxiety ridden right now, and i’m stressing (which prompted the post to start with). Hopefully this jumbled mess is understandable to someone.

    Thank you for reading! <3
    Peace, love, and positive vibes.

    #97310
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi SSL,

    Your SHOULDS are becoming a burden!!

    For example, if Journaling is stressing you out (being just another thing on the to-do list) it kind of defeats the purpose!

    OK, I have a large-ish garden too… Do THAT in the late Spring/Summer, and then do the Journaling/Self Love/etc. stuff in the winter when everyone is trapped indoors. Winter is the time for introspection and introversion. Summer is the time for expansion and extroversion.

    Juicing can go under Diet.

    Clean out one room per season OR one drawer/shelf a week OR clean out stuff for 15 min. a day. **A GREAT resource is Flylady.net!!**

    It sounds like you are also overworked. I would concentrate on YOU and have everyone else in charge of their own Journey, if you know what I mean. Otherwise, you actually rob them of that process.

    OK, Good Luck!

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Inky.
    #97316
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear SSL:

    The title of your thread is “Drowning in wants, needs, and shoulds”

    I am thinking your primary need is to feel safe and so, feel calm. Safe and calm. So you go about it by taking on so many things to get yourself and others into good physical and mental shape so that you can finally feel safe and calm.

    All these objectives, items, plus the 80 hours of work every week is keeping you busy. Keeping oneself very busy is the way many, many people deal with fear, distracting themselves with things-to-do, so they don’t have a quiet moment to feel the fear of living in a world that is unsafe in its nature.

    You can’t fix everyone around you, not even a single person, and if you could you would still end up with your own fear to be dealt with.

    Please rest, calm down… limit your things-to-do and people-to-fix. You will then have a few moments with you. If you would like, please share more about how does it feel when you do nothing and it is just you and… you?

    anita

    #97377
    SSL
    Participant

    Thank you both for your responses.

    Inky: Thank you for the site, I will definitely check that out. I’m currently gearing up for the spring season now and trying to organize garden supplies/seeds/etc. Hoping this year I can fit a bit more into it. The 15 minute organize a day sounds amazing, and I’ve been wanting to do that, but I’m spread across four houses currently, and needing to know who uses what in each is hard to organize in a 15 minute time slot due to shouting ‘DO YOU NEED THIS?!’ from different rooms to figure out where to place it and in which importance. Maybe I can just spend 15 minutes inventory-ing a day, and then once i know the use/importance, i can spend 15 organizing them into the needed places.

    Anita: I mean, honestly.. that’s likely my issue. If my mind isn’t focused on a few tasks, I panic. I get an overwhelming sense of ‘I need to be doing something else, there’s more that needs to be done’. I feel antsy in my chest, and then i spin out, mostly.. because I’m going over what needs to be done, and how to do it, but I get stuck in that process alone, without actually doing any one thing, which stresses me more because I’m aware I’m wasting time.

    I don’t really relate an importance to me personally (I know that’s terrible, and I’ve tried so hard to work on it, but I still can’t find a way to fix that), so doing for just me isn’t something I can do. I associate my purpose with what I can do for those around me. I also feel like I’m running against a clock, as I have someone extremely close to me battling cancer, and I’ve seen disease and sickness take some of my loved ones away from me in brutal ways (that still haunt me in the way they suffered).

    I feel helpless and defeated if I take a minute to breathe.

    In fact, my job has seen some technical difficulties tonight and it’s now out of my realm of help (I’m locked out of a certain area because I’m not at the server location so I can’t fix it) I’ve been idle with work for about an hour, and cleaning the house here, and planning out some garden charts while listening to an audio on tape, but i’m having a hard time keeping myself focused because there’s so much more i need to get done.

    I wish i could turn it off, it’s just all consuming for me.

    #97399
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear SSL:

    I don’t see a way to “turn it off”- there are a lot of things I did in my past, pattern of behavior that I wasn’t able to turn off, behaviors that consumed me. Your behaviors are not destructive compared to other behaviors people do to escape their fear, such as taking drugs and lashing out at people, so no rush in turning what you are doing off.

    Except of course that it is not best for you and at one point, it would be better to slow down and breathe!

    Maybe you can take a small break here and there and experiment with doing nothing for a short time, just lie down on a mat or in the sun, or sit in the sun… be present in the Here and Now, as in just feeling the sun or the air on your face, or the rain… and just listening to the sounds of nature. And see how you are doing with that?

    anita

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.