Dear anita

Yes distress is exhausting. I had this feeling sometimes but I’m glad I’m able to trust some of my friend who will never do this to me.

I’ve forgot to mention last night when I was getting to sleep early, my chest felt heavy and heart was pounding fast every time I’m about to sleep. It wakes me up few times I just couldn’t sleep like usual. It might be my anxiety on my first day working , hope today I’m able to sleep as usual.

Dear Anita

Alright will take note to that, will try it if it happens tonight (hopefully not!)

Will keep you updated soon 🙂

Dear anita

updates:

I had a good rest that night thankfully. There was no heart pounding fast and heavy chest since I started working at the new job yay!

Yesterday was a public holiday, I invited my ex for an outing and to come over my accommodation for viewing, I cooked him dinner before he left. We had good times and talk about our recent lives, he talked about his family too.

You might be against about my act of hanging out with him and inviting him over, but I felt there is still a connection between us and me don’t wanna to let it go yet…

Dear anita

A month ago (a week after breakup) I asked him if he wants to get back together and he said no. He wanted to stay single for a while, while I have the same thought too, to stay single for self development purpose. But we remained contact as friend, and since the breakup I’ve noticed I’m improving myself mentally(I was depressed and had anxiety a lot back then, and now I’m comfortable with my new life in new city). The changes of my mind affects the dynamic of our relationship now. I’m more accepting and generally we get along well.

Dear anita

After moving into new city I don’t feel ‘stuck’ anymore. Recently I’ve started meditate before sleep, it helps to calm my mind and to accept myself more.

Dear Anita,

It’s been a while since we talk, I miss you despite not knowing you in real life and would like to share my story with you.

The first 3 months I moved to this new city, I’ve trying hard to get back with ex-boyfriend, eventually, he rejected me. I slowly moved on and later on develop a crush on a same-sex coworker. Having gay panic for the first time in my life, I spent the following 4 months trying to accept the fact that I’m a bisexual. It felt better after I came out to some close friends and if possible, I’m going to a pride parade in this city during this pride month.

Meanwhile, a significant amount of time has spent on self-discovery and improvement. I’ve signed up a gym, created more arts and made friends throughout the months. I slowly gained a sense of self, and practice self-love the best I can.

I still remained friends with my ex, we contact each other and meet-up occasionally, he slowly noticed my changes and starts to like me back. Up to this point, I have no longer love him romantically, though I still value our friendship. Tonight, he confessed to me he wanted to get back together, I rejected him gently and encouraged him to focus more on self-development. It felt strange when I’ve turned the table on him. Guess this is what love is: unpredictable and it usually doesn’t last forever. I feel bad for him, I can relate to his pain, it was what I experienced last year but my feeling towards him had changed after discovered my sexual orientation.

Dear Anita

Yes, we are better to remain as a best friend. I hope he is able to cope with the rejection and move on soon.

I’m grateful to be able to live away from home, it was one of the best decision made.

Regarding bisexuality, I find myself more attracted to butch female than to men, romantically and sexually. This might change over time but for this moment, I can imagine myself having a female partner in the future.