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  • #362949
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Matthew:

    Yes and no: “people who live in the ghetto”- yes, “and who aggress others on the street”- no: I asked you and you explained to me that you don’t know of anyone in your school/ any of your peers who was attacked by people who live in the ghetto.

    You described an event when an older kid poured water on you (I think it was water), but you didn’t know if he was from the ghetto. You thought it might have been someone from school. I don’t think you ever figured out where he lived.

    You also wrote about the people who live in the ghetto are always on the streets (how would you know unless you too are always on the streets..),  that they are not afraid of the police, or that the police is afraid of them, and yet, you suggested that the reason they didn’t attack any of your peers is because your peers are bigger and stronger than you. (It doesn’t make sense that they will be afraid of bigger kids but are not afraid of armed men aka the police).

    All in all, well, contradictions, lack of logical continuity. Matthew- please don’t add more contradictions to the mix, I have low tolerance for contradictions.

    anita

    #362969
    Matthew
    Participant

    “All in all, well, contradictions, lack of logical continuity. Matthew- please don’t add more contradictions to the mix, I have low tolerance for contradictions.”

    – Anita, I understand hat you don’t like contradictions, I don’t like them either, but to be honest, when you write things like this you are making it sound like I am doing it on purpose, which I hope you know I am totally not. Contradictions are as annoying to me as they are for you.

     

    Thank you for the nice words about me. I found it interesting that mainly what you wrote was how proud I am for my family. My family is not part of the so-called “elite”, we are neither rich, not powerful, (we actually have a lower financial status than many other families) and I’m aware that people in my family have made mistakes (some even big ones), so it’s far from perfect. Yes, I am glad that my family loves me and supports me, and that they haven’t hurt or cheated people in any ways, but I don’t feel like it’s the best family ever or so, and I don’t like every member of the family.

    “I think that you think very badly of people that you don’t know (and it may be an attitude that was expressed to you by your family), and that you carry a lot of hostility toward those people, particularly the people who you say spend all their time on the streets (I wonder if they are of  a different ethnic group than yours, or if they are merely a lower socio-economic group of people to yours). In other words, I noticed a prejudice against a group  of people that is not based on knowing individuals in that group.”

    – I want to start by clarifying the fact that I am not racist, and I don’t tolerate racism or anything similar to it. It’s true that I have a bad attitude towards the people I referred to, the ones who live in the ghetto, but my attitude is towards those who aggress people and steal, not to the exceptions who don’t.

    In order to avoid further contradiction, let me refresh things:

    – Yes, they are a different ethnic group.

    – In that ethnic group there are people whom I know personally and who are normal, working people, whom I respect and behave nicely with (My criteria has never been race, gender or nationality, but behavior, mentality and actions). But most others don’t want to work, they live on welfare they steal and they defend themselves by being aggressive. It’s something known among people, it’s not just something I came up with. You know, if somebody is aggressive, they are usually given what they want in order to get them silent.

    – My opinion is that they are afraid of those who would be able to beat them up, but they are not afraid of the non-aggressive people, or the slim ones like me and they are not afraid of the police, who doesn’t beat them up, only uses words, because as far as I know a police officer uses physical force against somebody under 18, they would get into trouble.

    – I’ve seen it numerous times happening that older children were disturbing the people in public places and the police was just standing by, or just told them to stop and go away, but without any effect. To be honest, it’s easier for the police to be a by-stander than to try to solve such an issue. And the police here is not like police in the US.

    – the older kid who poured the drink on me was part of the group of those who are known to steal and be violent. He is well known, I even knew his name. He actually used to have a photo at the police station because he was part of so many things. But he was underage so couldn’t be arrested. I didn’t think he might be from the school. My classmates did when I told them, and I decided to see and make sure, but like I thought, it wasn’t him.

    – I am afraid of everybody who seems to be aggressive, because as I said before I am not physically strong or intimidating in any way, and I was never part of a physical fight because I knew I would be the one to lose.

     

    Is there anything that you think is lacking logic and continuity?

     

     

    And now regarding “I wonder if the guilt, shame and regret following you believing that you don’t deserve pleasure/ because you don’t have a girlfriend-  is a a better kind of guilt, shame and regret of the religious kind.”

    – this is a very odd question. I guess, objectively speaking, feeling damned it worse than feeling alone (only a joke). But seriously speaking, I don’t see the change from one guilt to another like a step forward. Why did you ask this question? What were you trying to imply? I’m curious.

    #363006
    Matthew
    Participant

    Anita, now that you told me about the contradictions in my posts, you made me think more about everything I believe and say. Do you think it’s possible that I have such contradictions in other areas too, like my relationship with my parents? Is it possible that I think they are not the cause to my anxiety while in fact they are? Is it possible that there are things in my past that have triggered my anxiety which I do not remember or would not think of? Or what else could be the reason for my anxiety and these depressive thoughts?

    I don’t want to talk about this with them because I feel they would not understand me and would rather ask me where I got these crazy ideas and would imply that I’m accusing them of not being good parents, which would not help any of us.

    #363008
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Matthew:

    You asked: “Is there anything that you think is lacking logic and continuity?”- yes, I will expand on two items, please take your time to read the following calmly and patiently:

    1)  You wrote yesterday: “The only guilt that I somehow managed to change was the one for sexual pleasure. I used to feel so guilty about any kind of pleasure I’ve given myself for about 10 years. I used to think I was weak and dirty for it. And about 2 years ago I managed to get over it. I still feel guilty and weak sometimes, but it’s usually only when I’m down emotionally”-

    – in the first 4 sentences you wrote that you “used to feel so guilty” and that you “used to think I was weak”- used to is past tense, implying that you no longer feel guilty and that you no longer think that you are weak. You wrote that you “managed to change” how you felt, again, past tense, implying that a change has taken place.

    But the 5th sentence contradicts the first four sentences: “I still feel guilty and weak sometimes”. What happened with the “used to feel so guilty” and “used to think i was weak”?! If you used to feel guilty and you still do, then “used to” is misleading, inconsistent and contradictory.

    Still, the 5th sentence: “I still feel guilty and weak sometimes, but it’s usually when I’m down emotionally”- the qualification that you don’t feel guilty all of the time, but only sometimes (when you feel down) cannot possibly be consistent with you using the past tense.

    I will give you a simplified example, it is as if you told me the following: I managed to change was my fear of spiders. I used to be afraid of spiders for 10 years. Then about 2 years ago, I managed to get over my fear of spiders. I am still afraid of spiders sometimes, but only when I feel tired.-

    -the first three sentences are misleading: they mislead the reader to think that you are no longer afraid of spiders.

    The possible rationalizing: I used to be always afraid of spiders but now I am sometimes afraid of spiders is not satisfactory in bridging the gap between the first 3 sentences and the fourth, because no one is always afraid of something, no one is always in a state of fear.

    2-a) You wrote about the people living in the ghetto part of town, April 8: “they are simply not afraid of anybody, having almost nothing to lose”. Today you wrote about the same people: “they are afraid of those who would be able to beat them up”- a contradiction.

    2-b) You wrote April 9: “I don’t feel that the world outside my home is hostile and dangerous. I never have”.

    On March 30, on April 8 and today, your wrote regarding the people living in the center of the town/ ghetto: “I am kind of afraid of these kinds of people when being on the street…They behave like the world is theirs, the police doesn’t do anything to them because they are afraid of them. There is a high risk that if anybody tries to confront them they will take their revenge because they are simply not afraid of anybody, having nothing to lose… It’s not like their purpose is to terrorize people, but it’s one of the things they do because they are enjoying it and they can.. the older kid who poured the drink on me was part of the group of those who are known to steal and be violent“- a stark contradiction.

    2-c) Today you wrote about the people living in the ghetto part of town: “they are a different ethnic group”, and “I am not a racist”. You also wrote today about the same people: “most others don’t want to work, they live on welfare, they steal and they defend themselves by being aggressive. It’s something known among people, it’s not just something I came up with”. On March 30 and April 8, you wrote about the same ethnic group: “I am kind of afraid of these kinds of people being on the street…They haven’t gone to school, they don’t work, they live on welfare.. they are always on the street”-

    You Matthew are not always on the street. Therefore you cannot possibly know that they are always on the street- a contradiction)

    -“these kinds of people”, who don’t want to work, who live on welfare, who steal.. etc., “It’s something known among people”- sounds a whole lot like racism, and that you are repeating what you heard throughout your life, things your parents said, things people around you said (“it’s something known among people, it’s not just something I came up with”). You feel superior to “these kinds of people” (and inferior to other kinds of people).

    – For you to no longer feel inferior, you need to see all people as equal. For as long as you view some as inferior to you, you will  view others as superior to you.

    In summary: there is a concept called “intellectual honesty”. Wikipedia defines it as “an applied method of problem solving, characterized by an unbiased, honest attitude, which can be demonstrated in a number of different ways:

    – One’s personal beliefs or politics do not interfere with the pursuit of truth;

    – Relevant facts and information are not purposefully omitted even when such things may contradict one’s hypothesis;

    – Facts are presented in an unbiased manner, and not twisted to give misleading impressions or to support one view over another”.

    What I detect in your writing is a lack of intellectual honesty/ intellectual dishonesty,  as detailed in the three items above. In your various thread, and particularly in this very post, I have done my best to offer you input that I hoped would be helpful to you. You can, having this thread available to you, copy it, or parts of it,  into a personal file and study it. Maybe there is something here that can help you to move forward. I wrote to you earlier that you are intelligent, but you can’t solve your life problems effectively if you don’t add honesty to your intellect.

    Following submitting this post, I will withdraw from your thread and no longer post to you here, or on any thread you may start. Perhaps other members will reply to you, and you are welcome to post again, here or on a new thread, and perhaps communicate with other members. (I am withdrawing because it is very unpleasant for me to communicate with a person who practices intellectual dishonesty to the extent that you do). I wish you well.

    anita

     

    #363015
    Matthew
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    If this is your decision, I will have to respect it.

    The only thing that hurts me is the fact that you make it sound like I did it on purpose and as if intellectual honesty is something I should have been born with.

    I appreciate all the help you gave me. And I apologize if I hurt or offended you in any way.

Viewing 5 posts - 61 through 65 (of 65 total)

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