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Emotional Problem & confusion

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This topic contains 14 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 2 months, 1 week ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 15 total)
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  • #163152

    Ale
    Participant

    Hi guys… I'm writing here to explain you my problem…In primis, I have the main problem to not live fulling the present. I'm always tired and I'm always confusing and in a state of overthinking and close mind. I have also some problem of sleeping: when I'm trying to sleep I'm nervous, and I stay in the bed almost 1 hour before to sleep.

    So, my terapist say to stay more light and living my life without judgment on myself and others. More flexibility and live more in the present.

    I read a lot about anxiety and depression and I have a lot of instruction about the life (obsessed), but I have a problem on practise that! Have you got some advice for me?

    Sorry for english and thanks

    Ale

    #163244

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Ale:

    You wrote that your therapist told you to live your life “without judgment on (yourself)”-

    What are your judgments about yourself?

    And how did your therapist suggest that you live without those judgments, how did your therapist say that you can accomplish living without your judgments?

    anita

    #163274

    Ale
    Participant

    Hi anita and thanks for your reply.

    In the teraphy my doctor sayd that I'm focus on my self and I take my life as a continous exam! I know that it is true! Maybe it is because I think to not be enoght and inadequate to the life. So because the life is an exam for me, I tendo ad essere pesante nei miei confronti e quindi avere troppi pregiudizi su me stesso.I tend to be heavy on me and therefore have too many prejudices on myself.

    #163282

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Ale:

    Your therapist told you that you view your life as an exam, meaning that you grade yourself, give yourself an A, or an F, a Fail and feel very badly about the F, the poor grade in your exam-like life?

    It will be nice to wake up to a day when you are no longer living an exam-like life, being graded on your performance. Every time you catch yourself grading yourself and giving yourself commentary on how poorly you performed (the F grade or the low percentage grade, like 40%), or even when you congratulate yourself for a good grade, tell yourself:

    This is my life. This is not an exam. It is okay to not perform perfectly. No one is grading me. No one is watching except for me. And I am not grading myself.

    And relax, take a deep breath. Then next time you notice that you graded yourself, tell yourself the same thing and take a deep breath.

    Repeat this every time because grading yourself is a habit, a habit of the mind and habits are strong and persistent. It is possible to weaken and stop habits if you are persistent and patient, over time.

    anita

    #163330

    Ale
    Participant

    Yeah I think is the meaning of live light and simply. But sometimes is really really difficoult when you are stressed. So maybe a solution could be to find positivity and be gratefull? I read a lot about that

    #163362

    Dawn R
    Participant

    Ciao Ale,

    I recognized the Italian, even though I don't speak it 🙂  Mediation is very helpful in trying to stay in the present and just observe your thoughts, rather than judge them.  You can find many YouTube videos.  Also, I just heard about a new App called “Headspace” that gives 5-10 minute meditations.  It was started by a man who used to be a Buddhist monk.  He is trying to help people learn how to meditate to bring more calm and peace into their lives.  Start small (5-10 minutes).  Focus on your breathing.  Just observe your thoughts.  If they are from the past, just watch them like a movie.  If they are about the future, try to “cut them” out, and bring your thoughts back to the present.  You could also focus on a word like “amore, calma, pace” for the 5-10 minutes.  It's like anything new you do.  It takes time and practice and persistence.  Hopefully you will receive the benefits and start to feel more calm and accepting of yourself and life in general.  Also, you can write a list of 5-10 things you are grateful for every day.  When you start to worry or stress, try to think about your gratitude instead.  Change your thoughts, change your life.

    Buona fortuna!

    Dawn R.

    #163412

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Ale:

    You wrote that living “light and simply… ” is really really difficult when you are stressed”- this is why it is important to lower your distress on a daily basis by taking a walk, other exercise, listening to music, etc., have a list of healthy distractions, breaks you give to yourself, resting the overthinking brain.

    anita

    #163544

    Ale
    Participant

    Hahaha thank you @dawn and @anita.

    I tried a lot of strategy of mindfulles but I'm counscious that I don't like this practise because maybe I see this like strange and boring. In a part I'm really active guy, while in the other the prejudice is persistent like this situation. But I like the comment of Anita that explain the like is not an exam but my life. In this way I could be free from a lot of prejudice from me and other.

    #163588

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Ale:

    You are welcome. It is difficult for an anxious, overthinking person to meditate or practice mindfulness, at first, and it may feel boring or too slow, but if you try again, you will be amazed at how helpful it is. Try to overcome the initial reluctance, resistance, so that you can reap the benefits.

    Calming meditation, the paying attention to sounds, for example, will give your overthinking (and grading, in an exam-like living)  part of the brain the break that it needs.

    anita

     

    #163608

    Ale
    Participant

    because I have a this kind of stress, sometimes my head is really close to the world! In past, 1 year ago, I was very openminded person (not without fear is obvious) but the actual situation is that I fell myself very small person and crushed by the world. In your opinion is also a problem of lack of love of myself?

    #163630

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Ale:

    Regarding “lack of love of myself”- when you live with “judgment on (yourself)”- that means you are not gentle with yourself, not loving. It means you are harsh on yourself. Your  life is like an exam, you wrote. It means that if you perform less than perfectly or so, you give yourself a bad grade and you feel badly about it. Your harsh treatment of yourself causes you exhaustion, confusion, conflict, distress- all these are not loving.

    anita

    #163716

    Ale
    Participant

    So how can I practise love on my self and live more simply?

    #163752

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Ale:

    Pay attention to what you say to yourself, your thoughts. When you notice that you said something critical to yourself, something unloving, something you wouldn't tell a child you care about, pause. Then say something true and loving to yourself.

    For example: you dropped something on the floor and it broke. You notice that you said to yourself: how stupid I am! I can't do anything right!

    You pause and say to yourself: this is no way to talk to myself. It is okay to make mistakes. It is okay to not operate perfectly. I will pick up the broken pieces and clean the floor so no one gets hurt. It is okay. I am okay. (you can say all this to yourself in Italian).

    anita

    #163816

    Ale
    Participant

    Haha I like the last part about italian 😉
    Thank you anita 🙂

    #163818

    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, Ale. (Prego). Post again anytime.

    anita

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