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VJ.
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January 25, 2018 at 9:54 am #188935
srkParticipantHi,
Let me begin by saying that I am an introvert. It has taken me some courage to post on a public platform. I have been in a bit of emotional turmoil over the last few months. It all began when I fell for a friend. As I am an introvert I do not have many friends. I confided my feelings in her. She declined politely stating that she was already seeing someone, which I was totally unaware of. Maybe she had hid this fact from me. I took all of this in my stride. Fast forward a few months and I started preparing myself for a gruelling exams which requires a lot of focus. Unlike my usual self, I was unable to concentrate fully. Though I worked really hard, somehow, my mind would go back to this incident and I would keep thinking about her. Fast forward a few more months and I could not crack the exams. Was the failure because of all this? Now I want to give this exam another go, but I fear that I will still be unable to focus entirely. What is to be done? Your inputs are welcome. Thanks.
January 25, 2018 at 10:02 am #188959
MarkParticipantsrk,
You might want to try journaling. Writing down your thoughts, worries, distractions, etc. is a way of getting things out of your head and process them.
Being in your body helps with being able to focus. Exercising is an avenue to do that.
Good luck,
MarkJanuary 25, 2018 at 10:05 am #188961srkParticipantThanks, Mark. I will put that to work.
January 25, 2018 at 10:15 am #188967
AnonymousGuestDear srk:
Reads like anxiety to me. Managing anxiety better is the way to go for you, I believe. As suggested to you, exercising is one great way to do this. Incorporate a routine of daily exercise, be it a half hour brisk walk a day. Aerobic exercise, such as fast walking does it for me every time.
Finding some way to socialize is very important. Since you are introverted, maybe a support group here people get together in person will work for you, as there are rules for interactions you will feel safe with (time limit for each person talking, no cross talk/ people criticizing each other, and more).
anita
February 6, 2018 at 4:21 am #190975srkParticipantHey,
I have begun journaling my thoughts. Its been almost a fortnight now. I earmark about ten minutes for this practice, right before I go to bed. I have set aside a diary for this purpose.
I have also incorporated a healthy dose of Yoga and brisk walking in my daily routine. I allot around forty-five minutes for this.
There has been a significant improvement in my focus and there is a reduced level of stress and anxiety.
But there have been instances of regression. In the last fortnight, there have been a couple of days where my productivity was very low coupled with lack of mindfulness and focus. How do I stay on track? How do I sustain the mindfulness and focus? Is there any way in which I can improve the above practices? Or is anything else required to be done on my part?
Thanks
February 6, 2018 at 4:50 am #190993AnonymousGuestDear srk:
Do not be alarmed by regression. It does not mean you are doing something wrong or that your progress is cancelled.
Regression is part of progress. There is nothing you can do to prevent regression, not for a long, long time. Many people give up on whatever practice they are engaged in when regressing. The practice works many times, as it had with you for a while, but then, when it doesn’t work, they give up.
This is where the practice is most important- at those moments of regression, at those moments of distress.
Progress is not perfect, it is not feeling better and better and then feeling good forever more. It is feeling better, then not better, then better, then worse, and maybe even worse, then better… and over a long time, overall, you feel better.
As you practice brisk walking for example, maybe there are adjustment that will help you, walk earlier or later in the day, walk here or there, increase or decrease speed, depending on how tired you are, walk less on any one day, or more on another. Be flexible but continue a practice that works a lot of the time and which doesn’t harm.
anita
February 6, 2018 at 6:32 am #191005srkParticipantAnita,
Thank you. I will continue this process. I will keep you posted with my progress.
February 6, 2018 at 6:45 am #191009AnonymousGuestYou are welcome, srk. Looking forward to your next post.
anita
February 6, 2018 at 8:09 am #191029MarkParticipantAbout regression, what anita said :-).
Let us know how things are going srk.
Mark
February 10, 2018 at 4:32 am #191749srkParticipantHey,
Just as you all advised I have tried and stayed on the road. I am making a steady progress.
But sometimes suddenly few thoughts and bad memories, related to people and past events get triggered in my mind. This results in anxiety, uneasiness and unhappiness. I tend to over-analyse the past during these times, about the things I should have said or done during those times. The intelligent retorts I should have given. Imaginary conversations. I get stuck there in the past. It takes some time for me to realise this. And when I finally pick myself up and return back to the present, I feel sad and disappointed. It takes a while after this for me to start my work again. I am wasting valuable time because of this. How do I go about solving this?
Thanks
February 10, 2018 at 8:28 am #191785AnonymousGuestDear srk:
Glad you posted again. As you notice that your attention drifted to the unresolved past, a past that you cannot do anything about, and you return to the present as you have done, feeling sad and disappointment, you are already practicing Mindfulness. Over time, the more you do it, you will be noticing earlier and then, returning to the present earlier, with less sadness and disappointment. It is a gradual process, a non linear process, that is, there is no constant progress without regression. Regressions are part of the process, for everyone practicing this. Over time, you make progress.
anita
February 10, 2018 at 6:35 pm #191813srkParticipantAnita,
I will continue pressing. Thanks a lot for the advice.
February 10, 2018 at 8:04 pm #191815
VJParticipantHi srk,
In reality controlling of the mind is not really possible. The less we try to think of something, the stronger it will get. The mind does a constant interpretation of the things we experience; the experiences that are going on externally or even the ones going on internally in our head. We can’t stop the mind from stirring up thoughts, it is what the mind does. That’s its job. Thoughts will come, but what we can do is to stop getting onto ‘the train of thoughts’. Notice the difference between ‘thoughts’ and ‘thinking’. It feels like ‘thoughts’ come by themselves from nowhere, but ‘thinking’ is a choice. Thinking starts when thoughts go unobserved. You can either be thinking OR be aware of your thinking but not both at the same time. Your job is to become the awareness behind the thinking. A thought comes up but you don’t need to follow wherever it takes you. Don’t analyze your interpretation or connect it to a memory. Allow the thought to come and let it pass by. Just imagine how we swipe between the screens on a smartphone – Next -> Next -> Next. Swipe the thoughts on the screen of your mind.
In Zen, meditation is not trying to get into some sort of trance. It is not daydreaming or to stop thinking. Neither should you try to control your mind. Zazen (a Zen meditation) is to practice to experience directly. To not pass judgement or analyze your sensorial experiences and thoughts. For that is all they are- just your senses being triggered. It is not reality itself. Just sit and let the thoughts/images in your head pass by. Thoughts may come but you will not follow them.
“..sometimes suddenly few thoughts and bad memories, related to people and past events get triggered in my mind. I tend to over-analyse the past during these times, about the things I should have said or done during those times. Imaginary conversations..”
Next time this happens try counting your thoughts.
Counting you thoughts exercise:
– As you mentioned you are already aware that these are imaginary thoughts. You will have to catch yourself when your mind begins to wander…when your mind begins to start creating those stories. Realize that your mind is starting to create those mind- movies.
– From now on make it a habit of watching your mind to be aware of any upcoming thought as if a cat is consciously watching a mouse hole – with absolute alert stillness. You can try this now to see how it feels. You can even say or ask yourself – “I wonder what is my next thought going to be?”
– Stay in ‘alert stillness’ and notice/observe the thoughts as they appear on the screen of your mind
– Begin to count the thoughts as they ariseI should have said this to her (1), She did not tell me about the affair (2), That really dissapointed me (3), Im frustrated (4)…..and so on.
– Any single judging, labeling, interpreting on the thoughts that arise, are again thoughts. So count them too. Be alert of the next scene/thought that is going to come on your mind. Any single ‘scene’ wherever your mind takes you is a thought to be counted too.
Don’t try to stop any thought, ‘allow’ it to come. Your job is to only count that.Do this for a few minutes, maybe 1 or 2, or continue if you want to.
Note down the count of thoughts. Keep doing this practice regularly and see the change in the numbers. You will notice that the count of thoughts during those troublesome situations will have been reduced. If, at a later stage, it takes a long time for a thought to come up then you are on the right track.This simple act of being alert and mindful of your thoughts will itself slow down your mental activity giving a feeling of increased sense of peace and calmness, a sense of being present. This happens because, when you are counting the thoughts you are no more getting pulled onto those thoughts….not jumping onto that train of thoughts. You have become aware of a thought by counting it. You have detached yourself from your thoughts. You and your thoughts are not one now.
Regards,
VJ
February 11, 2018 at 4:22 am #191829srkParticipantVJ, thank you for the guidance. I appreciate it very much. I will start this exercise, and keep you updated with my progress.
February 11, 2018 at 6:48 am #191859AnonymousGuestYou are welcome, srk. Keep posting as long as it helps or may help you.
anita
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