Dear A. Prashanth:

You tried best you can (previous threads) to be rational and positive. It is okay to not be these things. It is okay for you to express yourself this way, here on your thread.

We are not robots, we are not pure rational and logic. Far from it. Primarily, we are emotional beings.

Please do continue to express yourself as you have done here, allow yourself to feel and express what you feel.

anita

Hello A. Prashanth,

I can hear the sadness in your post and like Anita, I’m so glad you vented here and expressed your thoughts and feelings.  Sometimes in doing that, we find the answers we need or the resolve to carry on.

I also agree with Lea that you need to STOP comparing your life to others.

You may have considered this already, but what you are imagining will bring you happiness and fulfillment may end up being just another path of emptiness and frustration.  By that I mean, you may meet someone you are attracted to.  You fall in love.  You plan a life together – these are all things you say you want so desperately.  But there are no guarantees.  There are no guarantees that something could happen suddenly to the person you have finally found and love so much.  There is no guarantee that the life you build together will end suddenly through some tragedy or other circumstance out of your control.  There is no guarantee that the person you find will have a change of heart.  Or that you will have a change of heart.

The idea that you are putting so much weight and value on this one aspect of your life makes me wonder how much effort you are putting into developing yourself through other interests and activities.  It is in doing so that you might meet the person you are seeking.  Then again, you might not.  But at least you are doing things that you are enjoying and becoming more self-aware.

Regardless of any of that, what I have found useful in my own life in dealing with “what is,” is to find something that brings me happiness each day – something that I have control over, and also to be grateful for the things in my life that are good and are working.

Wishing you peace,

Airene

Hi A. Pranshath,

Where to start..your post made me so sad. I’m 56 and happily single. Have been in relationships, engaged, “laid” (ugh)…I was engaged when I was 19..way too young. Didn’t last. Getting “laid” yep..unfortunately..friends did this..always “regret” afterwards. The thought “I had too many drinks last night at the bar, or college fraternity/sorority party..don’t remember a thing! “Was I date raped? Did I pass out? Will I get an STD? How can I face him at a party, work, bar again, just sleeping with him?? “I can’t remember if I/they wore protection..oh God! What if I’m pregnant? What will I do..don’t even know the person! What am I trying to say? Getting laid? Is not all is cracked up to be. I have regrets about it, everyone I know, friends, co-workers, have regrets. It’s not all that. No love involved. Being intimate with a perfect stranger. Not all that. Honest.

You are not too old! My father got married for the 2nd time at the age of 74. I have never seen him so giddy and happy. I have a picture (he passed in 2008)..of him and his wife in the back of a jaguar limousine happily holding up  champagne glasses to get their picture taken while they were off to their honeymoon on the Queen Elizabeth 2. I also have a picture with them dancing together at their wedding laughing looking into each other eyes with love. She was 70..also her 2nd marriage. Never too old to have children. He had his first 2 sons in his late twenties, early thirties. Then he met my Mom, whom he had an affair with, and had me at the age of 44. I was born out of wedlock. He wanted to marry my mother, but would not, until she stopped her heavy drinking..but that is another story. When he had me, he said he was the proudest father in the world.

They said it is when you stop trying so hard, comparing yourself to others, analyzing, and when you are happy with yourself and being single is when you will attract love. Right now you are making yourself miserable comparing yourself to outdated standards, other people, age, etc. You are still very young, I see many people finding their first true love in their 40’s. People’s first marriage in their 50’s. There is no “perfect” age. When we are looking and trying, and analyzing and comparing, we stop seeing what might be the perfect person right in front of us. So..the trick is to be happily single, not worrying about other people, junior or seniors, there is no race. Love will come when you are least expecting it. It is when we are usually not even thinking of it. Some people find love on dating sites, others in bookstores, others in espresso shops, grocery stores, work, there is no “perfect age” “place” or “time” it just happens when we are at our happiest. One of my friends tried rock climbing for the first time, and let her husband on her lesson, my other friend met her husband just by walking through a dog park and petting this man’s dog. It just happens. You can’t be so hard on yourself. Love yourself, and maybe love others by volunteering maybe at an an animal shelter, etc..love attracts love.