Dear Tommy:

Welcome back! It’s good to see you on the forums again.

Thank you for sharing your insights. It’s clear that you’ve done some deep reflection during your time away. The idea of balancing kindness with boundaries and pairing it with truth resonates. It’s a journey to find that balance, and it’s great to see your commitment to personal growth.

You shared today: “For kindness without boundaries, leads to encouraging the trap of a self-made prison. This has made me to rebel. My teacher told me it is possible to have kindness in all things. But without seeing the truth, it is like walking in darkness. It will lead nowhere.” –

As I understand it, “self-made prison” refers to feeling trapped by your own overly accommodating behavior, what you refer to as “kindness without boundaries.” Because of the negative consequences of your past overly accommodating behaviors, you feel a need to rebel against this pattern. This rebellion is likely an attempt to assert your own needs and establish healthier boundaries. Your teacher emphasized the importance of balancing kindness with truth and awareness. Without this awareness, kindness alone can be misguided and ineffective, like “walking in darkness.” Essentially, kindness should be informed by truth and wisdom to be truly beneficial and lead to positive outcomes.

You wrote today: “it is obvious to me that I need to work more on myself.” This statement suggests a commitment to personal growth and a recognition of the need to improve your approach to kindness and support.

Looking at some of your past replies to members, it is evident that at the time, you rebelled (“This has made me to rebel.”) right here in the forums, taking overly accommodating behaviors to the other extreme of the spectrum, to the point of being harsh and confrontational.

Those past replies reflected a pattern of using tough love and directness in your communication. While your intentions, as I understand it, was to encourage people to move forward and take control of their lives, your approach and delivery lacked empathy and sensitivity, which are crucial when addressing people who are experiencing emotional distress.

When someone is dealing with depression and emotional pain, they need compassionate support and understanding. Using harsh and confrontational language exacerbates feelings of shame, embarrassment, and isolation. This is particularly harmful to individuals experiencing depression or suicidal ideation.

Like you, I am dedicated to personal growth and recognize the importance of continuously working on myself. With your newfound insights, I believe you can effectively balance honesty and kindness, offering compassionate support that makes a meaningful difference in others’ lives. I look forward to seeing how you apply these lessons in your interactions on the forums. Let’s commit to being honest and kind to each other.

Take care and best wishes on your journey of personal growth.

anita

Hello Alessa,

Yes, you sound like helcat. But, my hearing could be off due to these earbuds I have been wearing lately. I am happy you are still around. Hope everything is well with you.

Tommy