Gavin,

Namaste, I hear your view, and will do my best. Consider that perhaps you’ve fallen into spiritual materialism, or the wrong view that places happiness as the goal. Where others turn to trinkets or toys or sense pleasures, perhaps you turn toward the cushion. Fill up with some happy juice internally, then try to figure out how to connect, what to say, what to do and so forth. This is worth untangling, and connects with the romance question.

In the loving moments, perhaps when you see couples out there dancing, you have no expectations or fears. So, resting, peaceful, you empathize compassionately. There is plenty of space, your pallet is fresh, so it remains vibrant, beautiful. When you’re three inches from kissing a person, there is fear, uncertainty, or attachments to previous failed romances. Those slide in between you and your exeriences and there is an instinctive “pulling back”, like when the eyes constrict to protect from too much light. The result is it “looks pale” or “tastelessness”.

Back to the spiritual materialism… consider that wanting to be happy, finding happiness is actually a byproduct of a much more important, relevant practice. When we practice happiness cultivation, the intention is to increase the spaciousness of mind, through concentration. This is what let’s us part through the chaos with inner stability, trust. This upgrades happiness (transient, fading) into joyousness (peaceful buoyancy alongside emotions) as we can accept that emotions come and fade, illusion comes and fades, and here we remain, breathing, perceiving, content, stable. Said differently, materialistic happiness (spiritual or otherwise) always fades with the sunset. Genuine joy is the warmth that remains inside us whether the mind is silent and open, or noisy and compressed. As we move from happiness cultivation into joy cultivation, space cultivation, those fears and old attachments blossom without all the mental rumination. Perhaps the first kiss is scary, but that fear meets the space and settles, but the kiss feels awkward, which also meets the space. The second kiss is less scary, meets even more space, and is gone. The third kiss sparkles more, fourth kiss and we get in the groove… etc. Whatever dissonance arises in the first kisses meet the space, and we adapt simply, peacefully.

Happiness in this “dharmic glide” is a byproduct, certainly helps, but when sorrow arises, it doesn’t slide into rumination and afflictive emotional cycles because of the space, which doesn’t usually grow alongside the “sparkle hopping” in materialistic intentions… we’re too busy looking for more jewels or avoiding stuff that threatens the ones we have. Wisdom, fancy cars, philosophic rhetoric, big houses… we grab, cling, defend, seek. Where’s the love?

Love is another byproduct of the space. Said differently, love naturally arises inside us when we co-resonate with our environment. When we’re not distracted by ourselves, when the space is open and we rest, waiting, patient… we take in our surroundings, see the stories around us, and empathize, feel compassion. Some describe compassion as “co-suffering” or that co-resonance that we feel when we let ourselves attend what’s around us. Placing the past and the future aside, to bring our concentration to the moment. And then, we’re free. We can get up, look around at what’s there and make some choices. The better we get at making choices (consider, aim for compassion as a general rule of thumb), the less clouds roll in. Space in, space out as it were.

Finally, creating a scale of enlightenment is part silly, part dumb. Consider that there is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. For instance, I know many Christians that wouldn’t know impermanence or describe the eight fold path, but their beliefs guide them toward loving like Jesus, which is very compassionate, sacred. In terms of the helpful and kind actions that get visited upon the downtrodden, christian churches are right there, offering help to those in need. In some ways, their path to love is simpler. For those of us who peer behind the curtain… we have to find a path of balance that makes more sense than some ancient stories and fables. Both paths are full of bumbling and stumbling, as you, me, they, we look outside and inside and upside and whichways for love. The lucky ones wake up, look around, stop feeling like they’ve been grown, and start tending the garden. 🙂

Whew, sorry if that misaims or dives a little deep, but your mind seems strong, and in need. Namaste, brother, may your space grow outward.

With warmth,
Matt

Matt,

Thank you for writing that. Though I admittedly probably need to read some parts again, I wholeheartedly agree with the message. I personally can not follow any particular religious path, as my own personality requires learning through observing: take in information, process it, disregard some of it, maintain some of it, later perhaps change position along with personal experiences. Yet, I too have arrived at the same conclusions about joy and I absolutely adore your description of it (“peaceful buoyancy alongside emotions”)!

I may be spiritual, but that’s not all I am. I’m also very much flesh and blood (and hormones and desires and needs). It is very tempting to dismiss the latter part, and think of it as something crude and animalistic. The ego wants to be something bigger and better than that: free from all desire and in total control. And so things go awry, when there is no compassion and acceptance for the “darker side” of being human.

Sorry, that was pretty much me starting to ponder about things out loud and getting a bit sidetracked 🙂 Carry on!

Thanks Everyone.

HI Gavin

Interesting insights shared by all. Pls forgive me if I am barking up the wrong tree but one thing stands out in your responses – you seem to be craving for an authentic and loving relationship, which will fulfil you. If my observation resonates with you then can I ask a question – what is stopping you from achieving that ?

I dont follow any particular religion or faith but have learnt from my spiritual teachers and my own experiences that without love in life (any relationship, which fulfils your soul) , self-realisation is impossible and even if you reach a state close to it, it will not be meaningful. Some form of emptiness or disinterest in worldy activities will remain without that fulfilment. This is not true bliss or contentment with life.

It is quite easy to find love even if you are an introvert. Just send out a request to the Universe that you are looking for a loving and authentic soul, who will bring even more bliss in your life. Have faith in this and see the magic take place. You dont have to do anything else. This may sound quite kiddish but do try it if thats what your looking for. We have immense power and we can create our own destinies as long as we fill our heart with love and not pain of any sort. Negative emotions create negative vibrations and whatever you have create at an universal consciousness level disappears quickly.

Sending you heaps of love and hope you find whatever your heart is seeking soon so that you can reinvent your creativity and bring more beauty into this world.

Jasmine

Hi Gavin

Thanks.

From what I am sensing, there appears to be a discrepancy in your thoughts, feelings and actions. A single person with inner happiness in true sense should not crave for another person to fill up the holes that are left behind by single hood. You need to be true with your feelings. You may have unfulfilled needs and until you fulfil them, you will feel empty and keep searching for answers. I agree that no one can give you inner happiness except for self but to reach that state requires us to have our thoughts, feelings and actions aligned. When you are the same internally or externally, everything flows as how you want it to be. Perhaps, a little more reflection in this area may help.

I agree that there is a fair degree of unfairness and materialism in this world at the present moment. However, there is a lot of beauty and love as well. It is a matter of one’s perception. It is much easier to see the beauty and lead a fulfilling life when our innate desires are taken care of. In your case, I sense, you need that one soul to add bliss to your life. You are complete as Gavin but that other soul will be an icing on the cake 🙂

From my personal experience, I can assure you that you will find that someone special. While Universe is processing your request, why don’t you work on aligning your thoughts, feelings and actions. This also means that you need to accept Gavin as he is – either good looking or not good looking but that’s you. There is only one Gavin in this world and you are unique. I strongly believe that we have all been put on this planet to give and receive love from self and others. My spiritual teacher told me once: if you help others get what they innately desire, you will receive whatever you want from the universe. And it has always come true. When we have faith in the universal power to do what’s the best for us today and for our highest good, we will never be let down. Our ego / logic mind creates all the unnecessary havoc.

Go and pls send your request to the Universe with the most loving and true intention. When you find that lovely soul who brings more bliss into your life, do let us know.

Cheers

J

I’m listening to “The Art of Happiness at Work” on audiobook to and from my job each day. I’ve long heard that our jobs should align with our “passions”, similar to what you’re saying. However, I think that puts a lot of pressure on a person where work in his desired field may not be available or feasible from a financial standpoint. I personally work to live and don’t live to work, so I’ve let go of that pressure and just accept that while I may not LOVE what I do, it gives me the ability to enjoy my hobbies and interests outside of my 9-5. The Dalai Lama seems to be on board with that, too. I think there are ways we can enjoy our day jobs even if they’re not what we said we wanted to be when we grow up.

LOL thank you. It’s getting there. Everything is one day at a time for all of us. At least we are all self aware and on the right path.