Hi Sarah,

It seems as though you how outgrown your friends and moving forward in your own personal life, which is a great thing.

Your friend must understand at some point this situation was bound it happen, that you would not stay single forever. You have to explain in the kindest possible way that circumstances have changed for you and that your no longer able to accommodate her needs when she returns from her travels.

If she is your true friend even though she seems to be taking advantage of your kindness, she will completely understand.

Set yourself some boundaries when it comes to friendships and what they expect from you.

Sometimes in life you need to put your self and well being first, you should not feel bad for moving forward often people are glad to see you sitting behind as its beneficial for them.

As for your other friend, I suggest you try and distance yourself as much as possible, avoid pointless conversations and meetings. I am sure at some point she will realize you can no longer provide the services she requires. Eventually you won’t need that umbrella.

Don’t be afraid of making changes in your life, sometimes they work out to be the best thing you ever did. Removing bad energy can only make room for good energy to enter.

I hope you put yourself first this time, you are a good person, you are allowed to be free and happy.

Love B X

Hi Sarah,

I’m  new here, just wanted to say that I hope you find resolution to your issues with your friends. I’m probably it the best person to advise as I am renowned for not being able to say ‘no’ and have worried excessively about what other people think of me! I can empathise with your dilemmas though.

I think if you take a step back and think about your friends behaviour as though it was happening to someone else – like think of someone  you really care about – and how you would feel seeing them being treated that way.. So if you wouldn’t like someone you care about being treated that way then why accept it for yourself.. Care for yourself is I think is what I’m trying to say! (Like I said I’m new, apologies!) :/

Hi Sarah,

That makes perfect sense to me.

I read an article years ago that really resonated with me. It was about how, in different stages of your life, you need different kind of friendships. Which is why when you have little children of your own, you tend to have friendships with other people who have little children, and so on. I think you are absolutely right in your assumption that, in order to keep moving forwards, you might need to lose a few people along the way. Wish them well but move on. Yes, not severing the friendship altogether but asking a lot less of yourself, especially with those demanding too much. A ‘keep in touch, and it’s always good to hear from you’ kind of friendship, but not one that means you have to drop everything you are doing in your own life in order to cater to someone else as you have been doing.

I am so glad that you beat your depression and unhappiness. That is such a precious thing. And a great achievement. You are right to not jeopardise the place that you have arrived at and where you are now.

We should all try to put more love and light into the lives of those who surround us, but not at the expense of our own love and light, as that light would soon go out with the weight of the responsibilities we would be taking on. A flame needs air to keep alight. You shut off the air, the flame goes out.

Love and light,

Jay.

Hi Sarah,

I’m so glad I’ve been able to help.

You are so right about friends who weigh you down with their demands. They are really quite selfish friends, aren’t they?

Well done to you for standing your ground. You need to establish some boundaries of your own here. When friendships cross the line and become one sided, with more give on your side, and more take on their side, then you need to point it out and stand up for yourself.

Like you said, real friends, even when you call them out on something, will consider your views and remain your friends.

Yes, to grow and learn you need to be open to constructive criticism of yourself and act upon it.

While I was a young adult, I chose to be single and my friends were #1. Now, that I’ve found someone whose wonderful and I see a future with, my friends aren’t my top priority.

And that is exactly the right order for you, for now. Just keep your ‘real’ friends close and treasure them just the same as you always have. We all need friends as well as, not instead of, that wonderful someone special in our lives. 🙂

Jay x

Hi Sarah,

It sounds to me as though that friend of yours has seen the change in your outlook on life and feels insecure or threatened by it. Hence the attack on you (braggy about your relationship) and how she made it all about her, and not about you, or even try to meet you half way.

Everyone wants to shout to the world about a relationship when they find true love!  You are happy. You are confident and secure. That’s not bragging. That’s sharing your own happiness with those who surround you. Like the sun has come out for you. It shines on those who surround you and they should be happy for you.

Your friend should be happy for you.

Like you said in an earlier post, it could be down to jealousy on her part. We don’t know what’s going on in her life at the moment, but it could be that she is not in a good place, and is neither happy, in love, secure or confident of herself, like you are.

Like you said somewhere, misery loves company!

Love and light

Jay

• This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by JayJay.