Falling out of love

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This topic has 25 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 11 months ago by Tee.

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November 1, 2022 at 9:23 am #409428

Tee
Participant

Dear thosedays,

This is very true. I am planning to have a self assessment with a experienced clinical psychologist to dive into my inner child and see what is missing.

That’s a very good decision! Digging deeper into your childhood issues, unmet needs etc… will definitely help you move forward!

You seem to have a very good in dept level of understanding one’s cognition. We can have some private conversation if you dont mind, perhaps shed some light on my situation.

Thank you, thosedays, but there is no possibility to send private messages on this forum… I understand if you don’t feel comfortable sharing more in this space. If you still change your mind, I am here 🙂

I can’t really tell but i believe she will be supportive.

Great! Sounds very promising that your girlfriend is supportive and open to your self-exploration. If she’s not afraid to see you change and be more true to yourself – I think it’s a very good sign for the prospect of your relationship too.

November 17, 2022 at 10:11 am #410206

Anonymous
Guest

How are you, thosedays?

anita

November 22, 2022 at 3:38 am #410516

anxie1y
Participant

Hi Tee,

Great to hear that 🙂

Hi Anita

Thanks for asking. I’m doing terribly bad.

After a lot of reading, I finally found myself diagnosed with adult ADHD.

It’s gonna to be a painful process to destroy everything I’ve created and start over again.

November 22, 2022 at 6:17 am #410518

Anonymous
Guest

Dear anxie 1y:

You submitted replies as anxie 1y/ George back in Aug-Dec 2018. Assuming that you are the same member with the screen name thosedays, good to read back from you! Can you elaborate on why or how you think that your recent ADHD diagnosis will lead to “a painful process to destroy everything I’ve created and start over”?

anita

November 24, 2022 at 12:44 am #410638

Tee
Participant

Dear anxie1y/thosedays,

I am sorry you’re feeling bad 🙁

After a lot of reading, I finally found myself diagnosed with adult ADHD.

Have you been evaluated by a professional? You did say you would go get a professional evaluation, but I am still asking because it’s not clear from your sentence.

I don’t know much about adult ADHD, but they say it’s highly treatable. Do you have a treatment plan?

Please share whatever you feel like, whatever you’re struggling with. I hope that with a proper treatment and a proper attitude, you will get better!

November 24, 2022 at 4:32 pm #410674

Anonymous
Guest

I hope that you are feeling, better, anxie1y, are you?

anita

November 25, 2022 at 4:22 pm #410728

Roberta
Participant

Dear Thosedays

I am guessing that your are in your 20’s/30’s.

I agree with Anita about offering to pay for your soon to be ex girlfriends counselling if she wants it.

Then take at least a year out to do some deep work on healing yourself. A fictional book called The Celestian Prophecies gave me insight on relationships and help set me on my path of buddhist enquiry into the human condition. I have had quite a few relationships, but I can honestly say that I am still on good terms with all off them who are still living bar one.

Act with kindness, integrity compassion &and wisdom then when you look back over your life in years to come you will have few regrets.

November 30, 2022 at 8:35 am #411002

Anonymous
Guest

Dear thosedays/ anxiety1y:

I was wondering: on Nov 1 I suggested that you apologize to your girlfriend for having used her for the duration of two years to fill a void in you, following the breakup of a 4-year previous relationship, and that (following the ending of the relationship with her) you pay for her to attend individual therapy, so that she can get professional help dealing with having been used this way.

In your answer, you wrote: “It’s a good suggestion from your end. Having relationship therapy together“- is it that you didn’t pay attention to my suggestion because of your ADHD?

anita

December 11, 2022 at 7:22 am #411707

thosedays
Participant

Hi Anita,

I was the old member, on and off I read people’s stories here. For this account managed i recovered it.

I was wondering: on Nov 1 I suggested that you apologize to your girlfriend for having used her for the duration of two years to fill a void in you, following the breakup of a 4-year previous relationship, and that (following the ending of the relationship with her) you pay for her to attend individual therapy, so that she can get professional help dealing with having been used this way.

In your answer, you wrote: “It’s a good suggestion from your end. Having relationship therapy together“- is it that you didn’t pay attention to my suggestion because of your ADHD?

I will talk to her prior I get myself fixed. I know time is ticking, I will try not to prolong this. Someday in the future I will update here 🙂

Hi Roberta

I am guessing that your are in your 20’s/30’s.

I agree with Anita about offering to pay for your soon to be ex girlfriends counselling if she wants it.

Then take at least a year out to do some deep work on healing yourself. A fictional book called The Celestian Prophecies gave me insight on relationships and help set me on my path of buddhist enquiry into the human condition. I have had quite a few relationships, but I can honestly say that I am still on good terms with all off them who are still living bar one.

Act with kindness, integrity compassion &and wisdom then when you look back over your life in years to come you will have few regrets.

Thanks for suggesting me the meaningful book. You’re right, this healing won’t complete just overnight.

Hi Tee

I am sorry you’re feeling bad

After a lot of reading, I finally found myself diagnosed with adult ADHD.

Have you been evaluated by a professional? You did say you would go get a professional evaluation, but I am still asking because it’s not clear from your sentence.

I don’t know much about adult ADHD, but they say it’s highly treatable. Do you have a treatment plan?

Please share whatever you feel like, whatever you’re struggling with. I hope that with a proper treatment and a proper attitude, you will get better!

It’s funny to finally find my inner self, the inner child – Adult ADHD. The pattern, the vicious cycle, those past relationship problems, all can be identical. There is quite abundant info about Adult ADHD out there, you can check out how people suffer from Adult ADHD suffers in relationship. Regardless, I will have to fixed myself first. This is the cause and effect scenario where one doesn’t know what he is doing but trapped in the endless vicious cycle. Once root cause identified, is easier to resolve it, and the more I understand myself, the more I can take extra care to myself.

Have a nice day ahead everyone!

December 11, 2022 at 8:00 am #411712

Anonymous
Guest

Dear thosedays:

There is indeed a connection between ADHD and difficulties in romantic relationships, as well as difficulties in other areas of life. Psychology today has an article titled: ADHD and Relationships, it reads in part: “Maintaining fulfilling relationships can be a challenge for people with ADHD. Those who are easily distracted may not appear to be listening closely to loved ones, while those with time-management challenges may be frequently late—or may even forget social plans and errands altogether. Impulsive symptoms can lead to risky financial decisions or other reckless behavior that can cause tension with others, particularly in romantic relationships”.

The article differentiates between “hyperactive ADHD” and “inattentive ADHD“, two subtypes that differ in symptoms and, as I understand it, in treatment as well.

anita

December 11, 2022 at 12:44 pm #411734

Tee
Participant

Dear thosedays,

There is quite abundant info about Adult ADHD out there, you can check out how people suffer from Adult ADHD suffers in relationship.

I’ve read what anita quoted about ADHD and relationships, and I have to admit, one thing puzzles me: You said earlier that your relationship works fine and is peaceful (we matched almost every aspect of life. The relationship works fine, I loved the peacefulness).

Peacefulness, at least to me, seems in contradiction with some of the relationship features described above, such as tension and partner’s frustration because the person suffering from ADHD is not paying attention to them, or is late, or forgets about mutual plans etc.

If your relationship is mostly peaceful, how do you achieve it? Is there very little interaction between you and your girlfriend, perhaps each of you living in your own bubble, and that’s why there is no tension between you either?
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