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Fear of leaving

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  • #93005
    janssen
    Participant

    How to Find the Courage to Quit Your Unfulfilling Job by Maria Stenvinkel

    I recently read this post on this site about leaving the job you hate or just overall unfulfilling. I am 33 years old and I only worked 4 jobs in my entire life and one of them i spent over a decade. I am currently still employed at this restaurant job that i’ve been working for over 12 years. I left and came back multiple times because the money was still good and I developed a dependency on making fast cash. I decided to come back to work at the restaurant because I couldnt find a job that could support me and since i have no degree yet, opportunity here in South Jersey is very limited. But when i decided to return, i noticed a lot of changes from the company. Especially budget cuts. I wasn’t able to make the same hourly rate that i used to so it got dropped down to $2/hr. So i really depended on making tips.
    To make this story short, I worked for this company for a very long time to do a lot of work for very little money and in the past, this caused me depression. I did not come from a wealthy family, in fact I’m not very close with my family at all. I got a new job at another food industry but its not a restaurant. It’s more calmer and less abuse/work. I was offered $12/hr. and that made me decide to take a risk to take the job and leave this restaurant behind.
    Bottom line is I’m scared. Always been scared all my life. The worst part is that the only reason i came back to the restaurant several times was because of the people i worked with. We were all miserable together. But they had no idea that outside of work, I’m very unhappy and depressed. I know that money isn’t every thing, but money will support me to do things that I’ve always wanted to do. Such as travel and see different people and cultures.
    My passion is health and fitness but I am still currently trying to get into the Physical Therapist Asst. Program which is very hard to do. Im hoping that this new job will be able to support me until I can finish school.
    Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? You hate your job but scared to leave? Is there anyone in my area who also feels trapped?

    #93025
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    Right here my friend! Isn’t the food service industry fun? I’m in my mid-twenties but I know the feeling. I hate my job, it’s the main cause of my anxiety and depression, but I kept saying “next year for sure” or “if X happens one more time I’m done.” But that never happens because you’re beaten down and scared. I finally reached my breaking point and quit [two weeks left! Though my boss isn’t convinced, he keeps saying “I know you said February 5, but I’ve scheduled you until the 29.” He’s in for a surprise] if you have a better job, I say take a deep breath and take the plunge.

    If you really want to go to school isn’t there a government program [student loan] you could apply for? I’m Canadian so I don’t know your post secondary education funding. You could also try messaging people in your desired field and see if you could intern or get some sort of small job in the office. Is there any online courses you could take? Idk about that specific field but I’ve found a few affordable online courses. One friend is doing one for accounting and just has to drive to the school for final exams.

    Deep breathing helps my anxiety, mindfulness too. It’s hard to describe, but one day there was an ‘aha’ moment and I was able to control my anxiety, but the job I reached my limit which I don’t recommend waiting until then. It’s scary trying something new [I’m scared too with my plans] but I guess you should take the mindset that it’s better to take the risk. You’re miserable now, how could taking this better paying job be worse? Plus, you’ll look back on this moment one day, even if it was a bad idea [Which I don’t think you are making a bad decision] at least you tried and can have some story to tell. Good luck to you!

    #93046
    Cognition
    Participant

    Hey there,

    I’ve also worked in a place for over 10 years and towards the end of it, it felt as though they own me. Everyday I had to make myself go to work and when you exert that much energy to do something that you do 8-10 hours a day, it’s easy to see why you get depressed and lack energy to do anything else. The other more insidious effect that had on me is a constant feeling of not being good enough because I’d stay even though they didn’t treat me very well (e.g. the pay cut you mentioned is certainly a factor). It like an abusive relationship and the more I went back, the crappier I felt about myself.

    So in the end, I left to take a lower pay job. It’s not an ideal environment (in fact I am going to start another job soon) but at least I know that I can leave and survive. My suggestion is that you should always go to a place where you are celebrated and not just tolerated. Sure money is a thing but you should consider how much are you selling your happiness, your dreams and your health for.

    Good luck!

    #93087
    janssen
    Participant

    @Nekoshema

    I told one of my manager after my shift that this week is my last week and will be working at the new job next week. I felt a little fearful telling certain people at work about going to another food industry. The reaction I got from them was shocking because as a server at our job, the tips are rewarding. But i noticed the people that think I’m making a mistake or think I will end up coming back again, are the ones with no education. The ones that didn’t try to finish college or go to college. The ones that do not have passion to make their life meaningful. Have you ever worked with people like that at your job? Do you have lifers as we call it for people who will be serving for the rest of their life? I hope things work out for you after you leave and as for school, I am reapplying for the Physical Therapist Asst. Program this fall. Hopefully I get in this time.

    #93090
    janssen
    Participant

    @Cognition

    I felt the same way about how this job owns me due to the fact that i came back multiple times. I think they felt that I really needed them and will do anything they tell me to do for very little pay. The company, the managers have made me feel empty. Or like I’m a nobody. A 33 yr old man that busses tables for a living. And in my head I always ask myself “would you go to a job you hate for a lot of money or a job that you actually enjoy and get paid for it?”
    I hope the new job will turn out good for you. Let me know how that goes.

    #93101
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    Well, while I’ve worked with people who have been in the industry for years it’s because they enjoy it, not because they are too scared to try anything else so they try and drag people down.

    I did work one job with someone who hated me. The first job I had out of college the owner decided to hire his friend to work the dish pit for some extra cash and he hated me. He even told me so. He also called me a lot of choice words [can’t say any here but I’ll let you guess what words one could use to insult a female] he was also mature enough to make faces and gestures behind my back [other people told me] he hated me because I was quiet and did my work, which to him meant he could call me names. [The biggest one was he would call me a virgin because he claimed the reason for my attitude was because I’ve never been laid.] Anyway I brought it up to management and because he was friends with the owner they just shrugged and said watcha gonna do? Thankfully he only worked there one summer.

    Perhaps make a promise to yourself not to return? You know you’re not happy, so even it doesn’t work out with this new job, go to a different restaurant, or try a different field. I know you say you enjoy who you work with, but they seem kind of negative and hurtful. I worked with these sisters for two summers, sure we could joke and talk and we got along, but they would not listen to me when I [as their manager] asked them to do things, or they would follow me around proclaiming how the place would close down. ‘Oh this place is going to close, I’m so glad I’m going to become a teacher and this is just a summer job’ ‘why should I sweep? This is just a summer job before I become a physiotherapist, what are they gonna do? Fire me? Haha’ yea. I got that a lot, it wore me down and made me panic.

    Have you ever tried asking yourself what’s the worse that could happen? If this job doesn’t work out what’s the worse that could happen? Once you figure that out, try asking yourself if this job doesn’t work out, what to I have time to do? Or what would I do? Just so you realize it’s not as bad as you fear. But, try focusing on the best case.

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