Hi all and thanks for reading,

I will try to shorten my story and get to what is bothering me. I have done something that makes me feel enormous guilt, sadness and disappointment in myself.

In short, I’m 29 and I’ve been in a relationship for almost 12 years (since I was 17) with a person who is my love and best friend. During that period, I went through various emotional phases and asked myself questions: should I stay in a relationship, do I want to experience something new, am I missing something… and many similar questions that I believe many people worry about when they get into a relationship early. Somehow I always managed to get over it in the end and continue to be with my girlfriend.

I also have to mention that I never spent too much time in the nightlife and all the craziness of young people because many things. I am an active athlete, all my schooll and most of college days I was only focused on studying and sport and didn’t have much time for spontaneous meetings, parties and similar. Also I never in my adult life experienced some serious flirt with other woman, not to say anything more than that. I believe this is also one of the reasons I feel I missed out on a lot as a young man.

In our relationship I never had cheated or done anything I regret. It happened that when I was 20 years old, I exchanged a few messages with a girl (probably because I felt that I was missing something like that in my life) but absolutely nothing more than that. It hurt my girlfriend a lot and it broke her trust in me at that moment.

I live outside my country for work, my girlfriend is here but I miss spending time with my friends, family and lifestyle at home. At work, I have periods when I am very stressed and one of the problems I struggle with is that sometimes because of all that stress, my situation and little social anxiety I drink too much alcohol (a problem for myself and another forum) and then I regret it. That happens maybe once or twice a year.

What bothers me is a recent event, where during one period of strees and anxiety an unplanned night out with friends happened.

On that night out, towards the end of the evening, I met a girl whom I had seen once in my life, but she knows who I am, and I know who she is. During that first meeting in past, I got the impression that she liked me, but it was a conversation of 2 minutes. That evening, I had already visibly drunk a lot of alcohol, as did she, and we were talking, and then I felt that she was flirting with me a little. Considering my condition, I allowed it, that is, I did not stop that or get away from her. After that there was a moment when I no longer remember some things because of the drunkenness, but I remember that I ended up in her arms. (no kiss or anything). At that moment my friend came to pick me up and we left.

I don’t remember half of that evening, but I know that I ended up in the arms of another woman, and that I didn’t stop that flirt. That was 6 months ago, and to this day I still feel guilt and sadness. I feel bad just thinking that I would hurt my girlfriend’s feelings and trust, that I could hurt her and damage our relationship. I have such feelings of regret that sometimes I can’t sleep. I’m constantly asking myself how is possiblle that I let that happen, what kind of person I am… Only I know is that with every day I am loving my girlfriend more and more and I’m thankful for having her in my life. That’s why, feeling of hurting her is one of the worst feeling I had experienced.

After the event, I didn’t know what to do, should I tell her or no. At first I wanted to tell her everything, then I have heard that sometimes it is better not to tell such stuff, because it can only make damage to the other person. That it is kind of selfish form me to search for relief, while knowing that other person can got hurt a lot. I’m confused to this day but at least I have put it on paper and let it out from me.

So there it is, it was a lot of I, I, I but I just wanted to write a short backround about who I am.

Thanks to anyone reading this and have a good day!