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  • #66010
    Isabella
    Participant

    Hi all,

    I have a question. How do you deal with your boyfriend remaining close with his ex girlfriend? My boyfriend is best friend with his ex. This makes me feel uncomfortable. We have been together for 14 months now. I’ve met his ex twice this year. He wants to go and see her again but without me.

    Half of me thinks that’s fine but the other half of me thinks why he doesn’t want me to come. I know I trust him but I don’t feel comfortable about this. I feel rather unhappy.

    Your view please?

    Isabella

    #66020
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Isabella,

    That is a red flag, unless he truly views her as a sister, meaning no chemistry. Did you pick up on any chemistry between them or are you naturally jealous? Most people would feel uncomfortable too, so don’t apologize to him about feeling this way. Him wanting to see her alone is admitting that you would be the third wheel. Perhaps ask him why they never got together?? So that is my view, and good luck with this situation!

    #66084
    Jodi
    Participant

    Feeling uncomfortable in this circumstance is natural, so don’t beat yourself up about that. It sounds like a conversation is in order for the two of you to get past this. But first, you have some homework to do on your own. Ask yourself what you are willing to accept in this situation where they want to remain friends. Are you okay with all of you hanging out but not them hanging out alone? Are you comfortable with them talking on the phone or doing activities? What exactly is okay for you? Once you have those answers, have a conversation with your boyfriend about what is okay with you and what is not and see if the two of you can come up with a compromise of how to deal with this. If he is unwilling to have the conversation , that is another red flag.

    It is possible for exes to remain good friends and that does happen, but both of them have to be willing to be sensitive to the feelings of new partners brought into the situation (in this case you). If this feels uncomfortable to you, trust that feeling and work towards a solution.

    ~Jodi

    #66098
    Vince
    Participant

    I find this a little odd too. However do you truly believe that he loves you? If so, then it shouldn’t bother you. Don’t sweat the small stuff. If you make a big deal out of it, you will just make him feel bad and it will push him away.

    xx

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