It could have well been that my appearance wasn’t up to his usual standards.

At the time, I was going through a rough period as I’d not long come out of an abusive relationship and traumatic breakup, so I wasn’t looking after myself. I was eating poorly, and as a result had put on a slight amount of weight. I feel frustrated at this because that wasn’t ‘me’, if that makes sense. I usually run four/five times a week, etc. This person happened to catch me at a time when I didn’t feel my best, and I seem to have been rejected because of it.

That’s no fault of anyone, but I would really have liked to take things further with this person. I really did and do still like him, but now he doesn’t even reply to my messages – I think he’s just generally bad at replying but still, I don’t feel like chasing him.

I feel worthless not only because of this, but just because I am surrounded by people who don’t really seem to care about me in the same way I care about them. I have another friend who I tried to call a few times (she’d just called me) and she messaged me with “try to have some understanding, I’m caring for a newborn baby” – I felt very patronised at this. I know she’s had a child, I’m not sure why she worded it that way, or tried to make me feel demanding for returning a call. She’s always spoken to me like this, and she makes me feel very low most of the time. I don’t like her, but I talk to her because it’s better than just spending every day alone with my thoughts.

So I just feel trapped in this unsatisfying world of unhealthy connections and unhappiness.

Thank you so much for replying in such detail, Anita.

In regards to the New Mother Friend – we message each other frequently throughout the day; well, that has been our pattern for years. She has continued this since the birth of the baby, and I of course understand the demands of a new baby – I was merely following the pattern of contact. I am very careful not to appear demanding or whatever, I respect that people have things to do. I was returning a call she’d made an hour previous (I was asleep), and then she sent me that message. I just feel that sometimes she thinks she’s above me, and I know she doesn’t speak to other people in the same way.

Her and I have a difficult history. She hasn’t treated me well, to the point that partners I’ve had have been concerned about her and the effects she has on my wellbeing. She often blocks me and tells people in her life (other friends, partner, family members) things about me, to the point that none of them like me and her boyfriend despises me, even though I’ve never even met him. She does this about other people to ME, sometimes. She acts as if people are really hurting her and whatever, and plays the victim often. I am by no means perfect, but she is very difficult (several people have told her this about herself, and she often loses friends – apart from me, I can’t think of another person she is in contact with regularly). I accept negative criticisms of myself, but she doesn’t. She blames others for her actions.

As for the guy; yes, I thought it was rude too. I was paranoid for a good few days after he said that; was I some sort of scruffy, unkempt person? But then I knew he was just being rude – I also didn’t understand what the relevance was, mentioning my appearance. He wears the same clothes often, too. I just don’t get it.

I really try my best to stay away from rude people. Life is quite short, and who wants to spend it forever dealing with these people? I don’t. I’m curious to hear about the behaviours you mentioned, though.