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Feeling low

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  • November 15, 2019 at 10:26 am #323121
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Me and my ex just broke up a month ago he was texting some other girl and I wanted to work it out but he didn’t want to. He is now saying all these things that I did wrong that hurt him and why he is done forever. I don’t want to let go I miss him so much and have tired everything I know to get him back but he says he cant. How do I accept this and let him go forever? I am in so much pain I just want to crawl in bed and stay there. I really thought we would get back together because we have in the past. He tells me he still loves me and hes not over me but he cant be with me. I don’t understand!! HELP ME PLEASE

    November 15, 2019 at 11:12 am #323131
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Dawn:

    “I don’t understand!!!”- I will be glad to help you understand, best I can. When we understand better, we often feel better.

    “He is now saying all these things that I did wrong that hurt him and why he is done forever”-

    – what are all the things that you did wrong, according to him?

    anita

    November 15, 2019 at 12:53 pm #323147
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Small things to me but big to him I sent a text to him that my friend sent to me and it upset him. He said he bought me an engagement ring and sent me pic and all I did was say I didn’t like it and it devastated him which I had no idea. I never wanted to hurt him but clearly I did. Not that I did it intentionally. I love this guy so much and I have tried everything to get him back even after I found out he was texting another woman who I feel like he is in a relationship with now. we talk and it is just like arguments. He tells me he messed up really bad but everything that has happened since we broke up is why he don’t want to be with me. He said that this will happen again with the cheating only worse. He said silly things about going to hell bc of his actions and other crazy stuff. I feel like he has issues but I still want to be with this guy I cant picture my life without him. I just want him back in my life. We did no contact for 10 days then I contacted him and he said we could talk but no strings attached. I want strings attached and it hurts to have normal conversation as he puts it and not talk about relationship bc he said he cannot get back with me. I know I should let this go and be done just like he is but the pain hurts so bad. I just want him back!! But I know that is not what he wants. I don’t know how to let go and I really dont want to.

    November 15, 2019 at 1:39 pm #323153
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Dawn:

    Reads to me, an impression I get, that “he has issues” and that you made his issues worse when you were in a relationship with him. In other words, you did hurt him, like he said you did.

    1. When you sent him a text that your friend sent you, it was a text that included negative things your friend wrote about him? What did the text say?

    2. The engagement ring he bought you, you told him that you didn’t like it- you didn’t like the ring itself, I am guessing, but did you like his intent behind the ring? Did you just say “I don’t like it”, or did you add to it?

    anita

    November 16, 2019 at 1:08 pm #323227
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Anonymous,

    What I would do is ghost him until New Years. The holidays are fast approaching. NOT contacting you or hearing from you around the holidays will be the most unnatural thing in the world to him. Dollars to donuts he will reach out to you. When he does, DON’T respond. When he tries again, FLIP THE SCRIPT! Say, “You’re too clingy. I need you to stop.” He will be thunderstruck!

    After the New Year contact him ONLY if he has tried to contact you between now and then. If he doesn’t, don’t contact him.

    He needs a chance to miss you! Every time you reach out to him he’s reminded of what he DIDN’T like. All you are doing is reinforcing his (bad) decision. Now is the time for HIM to have internal doubts.

    Best,

    Inky

    November 16, 2019 at 1:36 pm #323231
    Brandy
    Participant

    Dollars to donuts, this needs to be added to the Best of Inky file. Anita, are you maintaining that file? Lol.

    Anonymous, with anita and Inky, you are in very good hands.

    B

    November 17, 2019 at 6:04 am #323277
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Brandy:

    Yes, I am maintaining the overflowing file of the Best of Inky’s. One day there will be a coffee book published, titled Best of Inky’s,  with .. the best of Inky’s. Photos of Inky too, all with her permission and cooperation, of course.

    Always good to read from you, Brandy!

    Unfortunately I don’t think it is a good idea that the OP, Dawn (who  Anonymous-ed herself) should not get her (hopefully still) ex boyfriend back because she did hurt him unnecessarily, callously and repeatedly  (“He is now saying all these things that I did wrong that hurt him… Small things to me but big to him.. he bought me an engagement ring.. all I did was say I didn’t like it and it devastated him”).

    He told her that he can’t get back with her because she hurt him many times (“he is done forever… he says he can’t…he can’t be with me…he don’t want to be with me… he said he cannot get back with me”)- better respect his repeated plea and assertion that he can’t and doesn’t want to be with her.

    Reads to me, from these two short posts, that Dawn cares a lot for pain when she feels it, but not when this man felt it. His pain is a “Small thing” to her.

    anita

    November 17, 2019 at 7:57 am #323285
    Brandy
    Participant

    Thanks, anita.

    Hi Anonymous,

    Understand his side of things, then write him a letter acknowledging and apologizing for each way you’ve hurt him. Explain to him that you were wrong and that you’ve learned and changed.

    Then learn and change. Stop contacting him. Be strong.

    B

    November 17, 2019 at 9:22 am #323289
    Inky
    Participant

    Thanks, Guys! 🙂

    Inky at my Best

    November 17, 2019 at 3:09 pm #323303
    DeRev
    Participant

    Feeling sometimes low is normal, there may be many reasons behind it. Demotivation, frustration, break ups, failure are some of the main reasons. Stay positive and active to get rid of it.

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