January 11, 2018 at 5:02 pm #186233
The title pretty much says it.
My mind is having a hard time.
I was reading around here on this site last night as a way to distract myself. I encountered a post by someone recommending this bald guy on youtube at actualized.org. I really felt at peace after watching his vid about getting over the past.
This evening, my mind once again feels in turmoil. I feel mentally drained over having spent time grieving today. I tried not to. Then I tried allowing myself to grieve. Then I tried focusing back on work so I can do my job. Then I vented some to a friend.
I fluctuate from feeling desperate, helpless, etc. to finding ways to be productive, then to seeking ways to cope. The meditation tho did help me gain inner calmness.
I do not know if I shall force myself to behave as normal as possible so my body can stay in a sense of routine and familiarity, or should I just allow myself time to curl up in bed as right now, I could not care less to wash a dish or such. Or maybe if I wash a dish it can help me stay in the present “now?”
This am I made a list of things I have control over, and things I do not. Things I must surrender to. What is possible of me, what is not posssible and needs my acceptance.
What am I doing wrong? How do I cope better with the fact my kid is suffering in chronic pain from his disability? I feel so selfish!
Oh, I did also write a letter reaching out to an organization this evening where they assist folks with his condition.January 11, 2018 at 6:36 pm #186241
I am can feel your anguish when I read your words. I am sorry for your pain. I will pray for you and your son. As I read I thought “support” , she needs support. This goes beyond meditation and distraction. If you feel comfortable sharing your son’s condition please do. Someone in the online community here might be able to direct you towards resources you are unable to find on your own. No doubt that there are people who know the challenges you guys are facing and have gone through it themselves. Those people, if you can find them, are a potential source of help. Good luck.January 12, 2018 at 3:50 am #186283
Reads like you are aware of a lot of things: the importance of routine for you, the value of accepting what you cannot change, the value in being productive (changing what you can, that is), meditation and probably a lot more that you didn’t share about.
Of course, there is no way to not feel badly at times, as you do. No way to feel okay all the time, for anyone, really.
Your son has a disability and suffers from chronic pain as a result. It is my experience, when I was focused on a loved one’s pain, when I was overwhelmed with empathy, tortured by feeling too much of it, I wasn’t able to listen to the one I loved so much. I was in too much pain to listen. I projected my pain into the situation, not really seeing his.
If you can gain some objectivity with your son, you will be able to listen to him better, I am thinking. Get to know his experience of his pain and of his life, separated from your experience of his pain and his life.
anitaJanuary 13, 2018 at 6:36 pm #186503
I’m very sorry to hear about your son. I know it is easier said than done, but worrying, and being upset (although very understandable), is not helping your emotional well-being. You need everything you have right now to be there for your son. Try not to get overwhelmed. One day at a time. Focus on things you have control over. Research his condition, are there any experimental research being done on his condition? Make a lot of calls for outside resources. You also need others. Others who are going through the same thing. Is there any way you can locate or create a group of parents who too are hurting, so you can be there for each other? To see each other through, to talk to, to vent, a listening ear. Also, I’m not sure if you attend church, but I am in bad health myself, and I talk to my former pastor. I was told the other day, they formed a prayer chain for me. They can do this for your son too. Reach out, pray, read, research, focus on a cure, the positives. When you start to dwell on the negatives, your son can pick up on the negative energy. Try not to go there. You need each other. God bless.