Aschristyseesit,

I definitely agree with you about the ebb and flow of the anxiety. There might be weeks or months during which I am perfectly content with my life, making progress or simply just not filled with worry, guilt, or anxiety. However, then it seems to creep up and grab a hold of me. Sometimes my anxiety doesn’t even seem to creep up, it just knocks me right down. I then start over analyzing and worrying about events that happened way too long ago, or things that might not even occur. If there’s anything to worry about, I worry about it. I worry about past conversations, future events, my safety, etc.

I completely and absolutely agree with you in regards to never considering nitpicking others. I nitpick myself obsessively at times, always finding faults with my looks, personality, progress in life, etc. However, I never ever consider doing it to someone else. The way I see it, I don’t know what stage of life the other person is coming from, friend or stranger. I don’t know what internal problems they are going through, if they are having a bad day, or they have had a bad life. Therefore, I don’t nitpick others, rather I have compassion and bring it upon myself to be nice and understanding. Now, that always brings me to question why I can never seem to do that for myself. I have no problem nitpicking myself, so why can’t I express the same compassion for myself?

I’ve gotten better at it, and while I find myself still nitpicking myself, I do my best to try and point out a few things I like about myself or the way I handled certain situations and that makes it all the better for me.

My favorite mindfulness techniques would be awareness, observation, and simply breathing. One technique does not work all of the times, which is why I employ different techniques at different times. It greatly helps me to slow down my racing mind by simply observing or taking the time to appreciate something that I would have not otherwise noticed. By practicing mindfulness I have become so much aware of myself and my surroundings.

So much of what you said to Maria about being taught to worry resonates so much with me. Everyone in my family from a young age, since I was the oldest told me it was up to me to take care of my siblings and keep them safe (I had a single mom) and then, much like yourself, as I grew older I taught myself to worry.

A lot of the techniques and advice that others have given you seem excellent and I hope they help you manage your anxiety better. I really agree with the advice that Maria gave you.

Hey beautiful soul<3 you aren’t alone. I love life so much and still I get anxiety but it’s a blessing to me I choose to be positive with it it’s helped me be who I am, learn about people more and how they work and with compassion too<3 you are a blessing to the world and there is more to life than the anxiety you feel you’re right but you deal and cope with it but it doenst define you. The happiness joy..your passions quirks they’re you. Anxiety is something you and I deal with but it doesn’t have to ruin your life at all. When you feel anxious breathe and have good you survived before all these times right? You will again. You arnet alone. People love u and are here for you you are someone’s reason to smile you are that good positive person. You can free yourself all you need to do is have that passion not anger that just says STOP IM DONE. do your best to focus on stuff that makes u happy walk away from bad habits or triggers or just smile through it and know its OK it happens but it doesn’t define you. Remember the good parts of the day. Life is beautiful don’t remember anything unpleasant just know it makes u grow and be stronger. You can use this to help others dealing with anxiety too and hey it gives you insight on how others might feel too. I know anxiety can not feel good but luckily if doenst last forever keep remembering you desevre to be happy do MORE Of what makes you happy. alwyas faith faith move forward and stay strong it’s all apart of the beautiful journey called life and you will end up okay I promise. youre amazing a A BEAUTIFUL PERSON it will all work out. beleive YES I WILL GET THERE. I WILL I AM I CAN. u can choose TODAY to start. It wont be perfect always but the faxt u wanna feel better and know your orth and that you already are who u want to be is a good start. Each day u keep growing and learning never give up honey bless u and you rock <3 have a great life sweetie it will all turn ut ok<3 keep shining your love and light and kindbess positivity you hage bo problem doing rhat. Never be ashamed to feel what u feel it’s all valid and mattees u matter and try to see the light in every sitch it will he ok I promise <3

Hello,

It was really kind of you to respond to all the comments, that fact itself tells a lot about the greatness of a person! Thanks about all the wonderful links you shared…

I am sorry to hear that panic attacks were involved too… I used to have 3-4 per day in March, I went through hell with those 🙂 This link provides a really effective guide based on CBT about panic attacks, extremely helpful

http://paniccure.com/CoachNeal/Intro-1/1-1.htm

The key with those is when they happen, to distract yourself and bring yourself in the present (grounding),cause your mind can’t focus on two things at once. It’s as simple as that. Prepare mental exercises like: count how many blue things you can see… Describe 2 things you can smell. Solve sudoku. And learn how to breathe in order to prevent hyperventilation (hold your breath bit and exhale slowly, to stabilize the carbon levels). Everytime you deflect a panic attack, your mind learns new copying mechanism and forms new paths. So congratulate yourself again.

This link provides good explanation of how our brain works (neuroplasticity), of the fight and flight response that is responsible for anxiety and panic attacks, and our negativity bias… It helps to identify our old habitually formed pathways that shaped our ‘anxiety brain’, and by that to slowly substitute those with new ones, also through new habitual actions..

http://my.moodsmith.com/courses/free-anxiety-class

I can see you are already familiar with mindfulness, here is a link of a free 8 week program, if you can join a live course, even better

http://palousemindfulness.com/

And if you are interested more in how to boost your happy, relaxing hormones (Serotonin, Dopamine, Oxytocin,& Endorphin), I recommend the book ‘Habits of a happy brain’ by Loretta Graziano.

There are also many supplements on the market like 5-HTP and inositol that are really helpful to many people (haven’t tried any though, but be careful with 5-htp). Magnesium, b-vitamins and omega 3 are also a must… I am not saying they will solve the problem, but deficiency of those is not good, especially magnesium (80% of the people have deficiency of it, and it helps the muscles to relax).

And sugar, caffeine, alcohol, spicy and greasy food are your enemy. Not joking.. I used to have panic attack everytime after I ate sweet chilly sause, imagine 🙂

And ALWAYS trust your heart and intuition… You got so many lovely advises (I tried to be practical and to share the helpful stuff from tons of research I’ve done and practiced). But it is simple- if it makes you feel good- do it. If it freaks you out-it’s not for you 🙂 There are many ways to heal, and you can find your own by doing what feels right and helpful. Some people can’t meditate.. Some people feel worse after psychoanalytical therapy.. Some people can’t do vigorous exercises (in the beginning cardio exercises were trigger for panic attacks for me). Some choose spirituality. Some laugh at it. Just stay positive and determined (practice on daily basis), and do not googly scary stuff about anxiety.. 🙂 It can be battled. There will be bad days always, but they will become fewer and fewer. You will trust life again!

Dear Christy:

As to your last paragraph: I agree that you accepting yourself without judgment is necessary for your healing, absolutely. Accepting yourself with empathy is The Way, says I. Self empathy instead of self criticism, self berating, self beating (the works of the abusive Inner Critic, what I call Inner Bully).

I also agree that getting angry and resentful toward your parents (or toward yourself, see first paragraph of my response here) is in itself undesirable and as you already experienced in your past, it didn’t get you anywhere. In fact lots and lots of adult children are angry with their parents their whole lives. They keep complaining and keep trying to please their parents all at the same time. Or they keep resenting and stay stuck in their lives, in their sicknesses and dysfunction.

In your post to another member you wrote: “Think of your anxiety from back then as a good thing. It kept the family safe.” Some perspectives, like this one, may make you feel good for a short time, temporarily, like many type of Convenient Thinking, but on the long run, it may be harmful to you because it may be untrue. This is my correction of the thinking:

The anxiety back then was not a good thing. Anxiety: ongoing, excess fear- is never a good thing. It weakens a person, sickens a person, gets the attention away from business-at-hand.

Back when you were a child, if that is where your anxiety started, you perceivd yourself in danger. That was the cause: real and/ or perceived danger. The result was fear. If the perceived danger was ongoing, so was the fear.

The anxiety of past, in the context of the family, did not keep anyone safe.

That ongoing, excess fear (anxiety) from childhood got attached to a variety of thoughts, sensations, experiences and it keeps circulating in the brain, raining-on-our-parades in multitude of ways.

One way in the healing process is to pay attention to what is happening now, what thoughts are involved, what triggers it, methods to relax, all necessary.

The other thing that needs to be attended to is that danger in childhood: what was it? Underneath that anger that you felt for your parent/s, there is fear. Fear of what? Such insight is also necessary for long term healing.

Again, the purpose for looking into the past (and our relationships with our parents are a HUGE part of that past because our brains were forming then), is not to get stuck in blaming, it is to unearth the origins of …our misery, basically.

anita

Hi again,

We are more similar than I thought, cause I am in the same position about my partner, I might have written somewhere the exact same words you said- he is lovely and so supportive, but he is not my therapist and I definitely don’t want him to be. I don’t want him to also dedicate his life ‘googling’ anxiety and threat me with fear and caution 24/7.

5-HTP has huge interaction with a lot of medications and supplements, especially st. john’s worth, and when I did my research, some people don’t feel good after using it (though there are many who love it). Inositol has very little possible side effects and no interactions, but you should take great quantities of it (Medical studies say 14 grams per day have same effect as SSRI, but most people are fine with 2-3. But it can be costly). I wouldn’t recommend st. John’s Worth, it doesn’t help with ‘serious’ anxiety, and it has also bad interactions with a lot of medication and ‘calming’ supplements. It can actually increase anxiety when combined unproperly. Valerian root is also something that many people with anxiety don’t find very effective. You’d laugh, but simple mint tea does the magic for me sometimes:)

And yes, sometimes being practical is the best cure…Doing more and thinking less. As I said, you can’t think your way out of anxiety. Cause anxiety itself is overthinking 🙂 Maybe sometimes it’s better to make a little agreement with yourself… First get ‘serenity’ by ‘attacking’ the physical plane (with exercise, balanced nutrition, meditation, yoga, breathing exercises). And after that think.. Unfortunately I had to take medication in the beginning (bromazepam), and had the worst withdrawal you can imagine after that (withdrawal is worse than anxiety, even when you tapper slowly like me ). I keep blaming myself for the pills as you do yourself for the anxiety. But to be honest, they did give me the ‘serenity’ to look for ways to help myself. I couldn’t have done it with my anxious brain at the time.

And at last but not least- maybe we are just bit more emotional, so what? I am fine that I’ll feel anxious on job interview, when I fight with a friend, when a bad surprise occurs.. It’s not a disease to ‘freak out’ every now and then when life gets hard.. it’s normal 🙂 So when someone asks me -are you fine now- of course I am not fine all the time, nobody is! And I still get urges to panic from time to time.. But I just slow my breathing, start counting green/blue stuff around..lol 🙂 Get bit calmer and distracted and then i congratulate myself 🙂 And the best thing about being ‘practical’.. it does give you the ‘illusion’ that you are in control 🙂