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Friends with Benefits?

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  • December 10, 2014 at 1:22 am #69034
    xWhy
    Participant

    Dear Anyone,
    I love writing “dear anyone” btw.
    Here goes, and it is for everyone.
    Casual sex and friends with benefits does not exist. It is in actuality autoerotic. Without true caring and love being exchanged, you are in actuality just using another person for masturbation. If you are ok with that, good, I don’t judge. But if you want more, you have a right to go get it from someone who feels the same. Don’t waste a second in anyone who is using you as a sex toy in any way. If you are cool with having no true value to this person beyond being used for masturbation (autoerotic sex) fine, if not go demand more.

    December 10, 2014 at 4:49 am #69046
    Anyone
    Participant

    Thank you xwhy for your words 🙂 So here’s the latest update… It’s been 2 weeks that he is in regular touch with me, all day long and I can see the caring part from his end… Yesterday I asked him, where do we stand and he admitted that we are more than friends but he wants me to go slow and doesn’t want me to be hurt later. I could interpret this in 2 ways: 1) He is not keen on commitment. 2) He is being practical and doesn’t want to commit blindly, esp. at this stage which is too early to say anything. But he did say we’re more than friends. He will be coming to spend this weekend.

    Some clues that I have is he likes to see me smiling, concerned about my safety to return home, in touch all day. But I’m not sure if I can rely on these for long. And to the FWB concept, he said he wanted to confess it, since he wanted to be open, not that he wants this with me. In one of the conversations, he mentioned me as ‘someone special’. I’m gathering all possible small clues from all sides possible….:-)

    Sometimes, my mind runs in all directions, and then I try to slow down. Think I should give it a try, what say?

    December 10, 2014 at 11:25 am #69061
    xWhy
    Participant

    Anyone, I hate to tell you this, but I think you should move on. You seem like a wonderful person and no person like you should have to play so many games in order to be with someone as a lover or a friend. A little playing is fun and is not necessarily bad, but you are no longer in that place. I suspect that this person may have antisocial personality disorder. (What people commonly mislabel as a sociopath) i hope you can find your dignity and self respect to move on and find someone who you can love and who can love you. I doubt this guy can. Ask yourself right now, do you feel tossed around, randomly cared about, pulled in different directions, and like you’re dancing to someone else’s music? That’s being a puppet, not being in love. You need a man, not a puppeteer. Cut your strings and find a new dance partner!

    December 11, 2014 at 12:26 am #69079
    Anyone
    Participant

    @xwhy

    I don’t have words to express… This morning I was heading to office with mind full of thoughts and your post just read my mind. Each day this guy makes me feel and think different. One day I’m more than a friend and the next day he doesn’t have a girlfriend. It’s really too much to take. And as you correctly said, I don’t need this. Before I met this person, I could scream and shout with a content heart that I’m happy. I don’t have that energy anymore, in just 15 days.

    And I actually felt like a puppet, to behave in a way I know what am I for him, only to know later that it’s different each day. I now recollect, when asked who am I for him, his voice went SO low, I could bearly hear him, shows the level of commitment!

    I did what I felt like, asked him to drop his plans to meet over the weekend. Just can’t handle the feeling of being used by someone. To justify, I told him I cannot see a direction (forget about having a future) to this unnamed relation! There is no reason for me to invest in it.

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