Hi EnglishRose,

Of course, you could always go for a Two-fer: Write a note to his parents imploring them to meet with you and give you a chance so he doesn’t marry this new fiancée! His parents will know he’s seeing a white girl AND lied about an engagement!

However, Peggy is correct: Best to move on, block him from everywhere, and never see him again (even if it means moving to an undisclosed location). Karma and life have a way of doing our own revenge for us in far more creative ways than we could have ever imagined!

Best,

Inky

English Rose,

I think everyone here is onto something deeper about your relationship.

Could you seek revenge?   YES.

Were you done wrong by another?  If what you say is the whole truth of the matter then, YES.

Could you take what you learned and drop the hurt to continue without thought of this matter again entirely? YES

Did you allow this to happen after major warning signs?  YES.

But, who allowed it to continue to hurt you and for what reason once things became known to you? As much as Mark speaks of the truth behind an old adage and your love for one who seems so crooked, I think you need to take time away from any emotional attachment to this person in your life be it love, forgiveness or revenge, and ask yourself if in fact you used him for some need of your own as much as he apparently used you.

If for no other reason than your need for love and affection, even if it be from one who displayed such lack of uprightness in relationship towards another, you have no more right to seek revenge for the things when, in fact you accepted him piling more hurt upon you by continuing the relationship just to get, or in hopes of getting, what you were using him for in your life.

Everyone is a user at times, everyone is even a victim sometimes at the same time as being a user…. it is inevitable in life and the relationships therein. To what degree, for what reasons and at what benefit or loss to self and/or another is the question of what gives just rights to keep continuing the interpersonal issues.  When it is true love and selflessness, it can continue forever in harmony.  When it is a matter of self-induced agony or at the hands of those (including the self) that do not have a mutual respect for a duplicity within beneficial relationships then…. if someone doesn’t just walk away less interested in revenge or in carrying the pain of some perceived loss not worthy of being called a loss rather than recognizing that sometimes you just have to move on without the care for the baggage then people continue to get hurt…. on all or just one end.  One must have true and balanced respect for the self, without it there can be no true and balanced respect for others.

I guess the question is, do you want justice, do you want vindication or do you want to move on and have some peace without the need for continuing to disrespect the self and keep drawing what you may seek and need from a tainted well that will give you the opposite of it?    Think of it this way; It is said that true wisdom is the ability to find one’s self in the position of continually needing less of it. What course of action could you follow that you think will bring you closer to being wise? The answer is in if what you choose reduces the poison you’ve put to your own lips in your life thus far.

Best wishes,

The Grinning Goat

P.S.- I understand that you are hurt but, there is no reason to call yourself a “Dirty little white girl” unless your actions in life thus far have led you to have suspicion that you really are.  It is natural to feel ashamed of ones self but only if they truly know they have disrespected themselves and somehow thought their subconscious wouldn’t find out. You know what I mean by what you described yourself as and, I hope you also know you are better than you want to think you let yourself be taken a ride for. Go look in the mirror and see the pretty woman again! (and you might already know what you need to do in regards to this relationship in order to convince your subconscious you are that pretty woman again!)